Let's Be Honest

Some Clever Title About Babies

2011-12-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

I had a baby. That's not what this blog is about. This blog isn't about anything anymore. If you dare to be abandoned again follow me over here to find out all about my sweet girl, motherhood, diapers, childbirth (hands down the weirdest experience ever), and anything else baby related that I don't want to post here because it's not a baby blog. Shall we?

Or Maybe Not

2011-02-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to write about. I'm working at my new job, I've started going to hot yoga again, I'm fatter than I've ever been, I still hate the Black Eyed Peas. It's been a year since we went to Australia. I do this to myself. I mourn vacations. It's stupid and I hate it but I get depressed when August ends and I remember when we left for Europe on September first and the years start to pile up and make me feel old and annoying.
So maybe the well constructed posts aren't coming. Sorry. I think I might take a break. Or maybe not. I'm tired of stressing out that I haven't blogged. Check back in. Hopefully I'll have something better to tell you later.

2011: Here We Go

2011-01-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

I guess that last post was kind of misleading. I'm not changing the layout or the theme of this blog. Sorry to make it sound like I had something good up my sleeve. The only thing up my sleeve is my arm. Insert the sound of a balloon deflating slowly.

But I am going a slightly different direction and will try to write some well constructed coherent posts that aren't just a jumble of thoughts. This is not one of those posts. Baby steps people, baby steps.

I am happy to report I finally left my shit box of a job at Topline/Report Footwear. I was always so hesitant to say where I worked. I know I mentioned it a few times but I never really went into detail about what an awful job it was. During my 6.5 years there I experienced the most blatant misogyny, discrimination, nepotism and abuse. It feels so good to put that experience behind me. My new job is the same admin desk job as before but at least I work for a company that respects me, with an HR department. Big plus.

As I continue to learn the ins and outs of my new position I try to not forget the experience of working for a good old boy's club. I try to remember that my new job may suck sometimes but it is nothing compared to being scolded for other people's mistakes, being told to improve without being given the proper tools and being blatantly disrespected. I remind myself that I won't be held back from a promotion at my new company because I'm not Asian or because I'm a woman. I know that my salary won't increase with the amount of leg that shows under my skirt and the height of my stilettos. I take comfort in knowing I can access my files without needing to get special permission to tip-toe around the owner's luxury car collection that he hides from his wife in the building's storage room.

I'm hopeful that the future will bring stability and opportunities. I hope that I can benefit a company that will appreciate me. I feel like I'm finally headed that way after a long detour in Shoeland. Stabilityville may not be as glamorous of a place but I feel good here, and the people are nice.

Not Dead Yet

2010-12-23T14:45:00.000-08:00

One of my most favorite people in the world sent this:

Shall I just take your blog off my favourites list and get back the 0.7 seconds per day that it takes me to check it and realise there is no new post?! Put me out of my misery!

Don't take me off your favourites or your Google Reader (or your favorites for my American readership).

I am drafting a plan. Picture me pressing my fingers together and grinning like Smithers except without the wrinkles and bald head.

Check back after the holidays. Don't give up on me.

2010-08-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

We interrupt the hiatus to bring you the most random and hilarious thing you'll see today:
http://www.trueamericandognews.blogspot.com/

We now return to our regularly scheduled absence.

On the Clock

2010-06-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be working but everybody is at the FFANY show this week and there's not much going on. I'll get back to work in a jiffy. Did you hear that Internet Overlord? I'll get back to it asap, just let me have this time to clear my mind.

A coworker and I were discussing the possibility of successfully dialing 911 in a dream. I believe that it's not possible simply because it has never happened to me. Here's a list of what happens in my dreams when an emergency elicits a 911 call:
- the operator answers, asks me if it's a true emergency and then puts me on hold regardless of my answer
- the numbers on the keys jump around and dodge my finger as I try to dial
- I get a busy signal
- the operator speaks complete nonsense as if I dialed the wrong number and he or she thinks I am calling to order takeout or clothes from a catalog

Does this happen to you or are my coworker and I completely insane?

I like this blog but I caught on to it late and now I want to know what happened to Sister Wolf's son. Usually if I need a back story I can just read the comments but she turned comments off on this post. Do you ever read a blog and feel like you're missing something but don't really have the time to go back and read the entire archives?

I will finish my posts about Australia soon, promise. I'll do it before my birthday. Like how I slipped that in to remind you my birthday is coming up?

That's it. Back to work...

Your Vote is Requested

2010-05-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

20 years ago if you wanted someone to vote for your cute dog, your friend's 8th grade math class or your husband's former employer's kids' elementary school you would have to write a letter and take the time to stamp and mail it. Or even worse, you'd have to pick up the phone and ask your peeps to vote for your cause. And let's not even talk about the actual voting process. I just don't know how they did it.
With the advanced age of enlightenment and what was once called the Information Super Highway (now just called the internet) all you have to do is click.

Please oblige:

Vote for Lydsy and her adorable dog Waldo so she can recoup the money she spent to have her underthings removed from his intestines. Do it here. Click on W, find Waldo and give him 10 out of 10 for being the cutest dog in LA.

Vote for my friend Betsy's husband's friend and former boss as he tries to provide a new playground for his kids and their classmates at Meeker Elementary in Puyallup. Click here to do so.

Vote for an 8th grade math class from my hometown Tulsa, OK (holla) to go to the opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. Your vote is requested on behalf of the reigning queen of cupcakes in Seattle otherwise known as Jamie Of All Trades. Just point your mouse right here.

Many thanks to Al Gore for inventing the internet and allowing us to excersice our civic duty as Americans and vote for things.

The Obsession Continues

2010-04-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

I know you are dying to hear about the rest of our trip to Australia but I need you to focus on what I have to say right now. This is very important.

There is a new chocolate bar with sea salt in it. That's right in it, not just sprinkled on top. The sea salt is mixed in with the amazing dark chocolate to create the offical candy bar of my top desk drawer. My endorsement is a gold mine, I'm sure.

I scored one of these delicious treats at my friend Sarah's bridal shower a couple weeks ago and I have a little piece every day after lunch. I think you should try it.

If there's ever an occasion where you need to buy me something, let's say my 30th birthday on July 1st, Christmas 2010 or Chocolate Lovers Day which happens to be today, you can just give me one of these chocolate bars and I will be yours forever.

Paging Dr. Phil

2010-04-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

Do you ever look at the calendar and suddenly panic that you haven't paid any of your bills on time? This happens to me all the time and it's super weird, especially since I actually do pay my bills on time. With the recent increase of online bill pay options I think that I forget what I've paid, since it's all just clicking; like the regular clicking I do on dlisted or facebook or msn. The clicking becomes indiscernible and I simply can't remember what I clicked on when and what information a certain click sent into the universe on my behalf.

I constantly dream that I haven't shown up to work in weeks or that I have a big final coming up but I stopped going to class ages ago.

Am I trying to tell myself something? Do I need to be more responsible or is my subconscious telling me to wake up and realize that everything is fine?

Adelaide & Clare Valley 2/11-2/14

2010-04-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

We left Sydney early on Thursday morning and flew to Adelaide, my dear friend Lill's hometown. I have to make a special mention of the Virgin Blue gate attendants that kept themselves entertained by paging people like Mr. Giant Wang and then trying to hide their giggles. This kind of thing would never fly at a US airport. Pun intended.
Lill lives in Melbourne now but her parents Geoff and Donna are there still. Lill flew to Adelaide the day before we arrived and I was so excited to see the three of them again. They picked us up at the airport (anyone can go to the gate in domestic Australian airports, old school) and we headed out to a local wine region, Clare Valley. Geoff and Donna have a house in the Clare Valley complete with vineyards.

Behold:

This is not the greatest shot of the house but you get the idea. It's a really comfortable modern house set amongst rolling hills and vineyards. Simple perfection.
We spent two days tasting wines at local cellar doors (aka tasting rooms) and enjoying the McKinnon's hospitality and company. They were amazing hosts.

Some of the wineries we visited:

Knappstein winery and brewery had great wine and beer, what else could you ask for?

This is the view from Paulette's winery; not too shabby.

Somebody teach me HTML because this captioning pictures thing is not working for me. Trying to make this post pretty is futile. Bear with me here...

One of the highlights of this leg of our journey was that we got to see kangaroos in the wild. There was a big red one hopping through the fields of Clare Valley while we were driving and another two grazing on the McKinnon's property. For Australians this is no big deal but for me and Dan it was pretty sweet.

Another highlight of this trip was meeting Mr. Ned McKinnon, the cutest dog in Australia.

Ned waiting patiently outside Paulette's.

Dogs love Dan and Ned was no exception. When we got in the car Ned hopped up on a box of wine (a box containing wine bottles, not boxed wine, just had to make that clear) and snuggled up to Dan, occasionally licking Dan's ear or resting his head on Dan's shoulder. It was really cute.

Ned and Dan, friends forever.

Next post: Adelaide; containing stories of places called Star of Greece, Mt. Lofty and The Garden of Unearthly Delights, should be a good one...

The Great Sandal Search of 2010

2010-03-24T13:57:00.000-07:00

My plan was for the next post to be about Adelaide and the Clare Valley leg of our trip. This is where the trip really got good with wine tasting, great friends and Ned, the cutest dog in Australia. First though, I have to tell you about my frustrations finding a frikin' sandal in a frikin' size 4.

Have you ever wanted to see the world's ugliest collection of shoes (outside of Imelda Marcos' closet)? Yes? Good. Go to any shoe website (Zappos, Piperlime, Endless, Nordstrom) and narrow your search to size 4. Done. You will instantly see the ugliest shoes China has to offer. Seriously, try it.

I can't find a simple, flat, non flip-flop sandal in my size anywhere. I might have to fly to Hong Kong where more people have small feet. Ugh! Double ugh!

The worst part about the whole thing is that I work for a shoe company and I am surrounded by cute sandals that don't come in my size. Triple ugh!

Paying the Stupid Tax

2010-03-18T14:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when somebody gets him or herself involved in a big expensive mess Dan and I are very critical and say things like, "they're paying the stupid tax" or, "stupid is expensive sometimes." It's pretty mean and judgmental. I have to admit I am paying the stupid tax this week. I went on and on in this post about the Beater Blade, the revolutionary device that was going to solve all my KitchenAid bowl sraping problems. The problem is, I didn't realize that it doesn't fit into an industrial size KitchenAid; like the one my MIL bought me for a wedding shower gift. Oops.
If you're lookng to benefit from my stupidity please leave a comment and we can work out some kind of deal for my Beater Blade. Send me your best offer. I'm a motivated seller.

Sydney 2/8-2/11

2010-03-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

I guess I should blog about our trip. I've been putting it off for a long time, trying to figure out how to tell you about it without boring you to death or writing really long posts that you won't read. So, here's a quick list of what happened on our first tour of Sydney and some pics too.

1. Got in super early Monday morning, was officially welcomed to Australia by a bird crapping on my hand, sweet.
2. Walked in the rain to Circular Quay (pronounced "key") and saw the Sydney Opera House for the first time, slightly teared up, regained control of emotions and gawked for a bit. Felt immense happiness.
3. Walked through Royal Botanical Gardens, saw strange birds and beautiful trees.
4. Watched the Super Bowl at a bar by the aquaruim.
5. Marveled at formal dress of Sydney's working people.
6. Ate stupidly expensive fish and chips.
7. Went to Wildlife World and Sydney Aquaruim, saw koalas and kangaroos. Chanted "kangaroo power" in my head a few times in honor of LW. Felt silly for doing so.
8. Took a tour of the Blue Mountains and went to a beautiful place called Scenic World. Took a ride down the world's steepest railway.
9. Listened to 6 hours of tour bus driver (aka Rainman) repeat himself.
11. Saw Sydney's Olympic Stadium.
12. Took a hop-on hop-off bus tour of Sydney and walked from Bondi Beach to Bronte Beach.
13. Ran into a couple we know Damon and Molly from Seattle at breakfast in our hotel. Small world, indeed.

First morning in Sydney, we were tired

Sydney Harbour Bridge

Koala sleeping at Wildlife World

The Icebergs club at Bondi Beach

Walking from Bondi to Bronte along the cliffs

The view of Darling Harbour from our hotel room

Olympic Stadium

Lunch at Doyle's a famous seafood restaraunt on Watson's Bay, a stop on our bus tour. Total yum and not a bad view either.

Sydney was a dream. There was so much to see; I was glad we would be there 2 more days at the end of the trip. Our next stop was Adelaide. In my next post I'll tell you how the McKinnon's gave us the first class VIP treatment with wine tastings and so many delicious meals and the very best of all, just spending time with us. It was fabulous, stay tuned.

Rain, Snow, Sleet, Hail and... Vodka?

2010-03-02T18:24:00.000-08:00

It's almost impossible to get fired from the Postal Service. I know this because the postman at my work was arrested for passing out drunk in his truck in front of my office a couple years ago. The arresting officer told my coworker that his employer had sent him to rehab already, maybe more than once. Not long after he showed up on his old route again. I'm all for second chances but come on, put him behind a desk somewhere. Christ.

There was a news story today that the Post Office is considering cutting Saturday delivery. They are deeply in debt but not considering layoffs at this time.

I don't appreciate the rising cost of stamps if I know some of my money may go toward rehab for a repeat offender and potential child killer (a postal truck can be a deadly weapon). I think I'll start paying some more of my bills online.

Curbside Pickup Circling Be Damned!

2010-02-25T13:27:00.000-08:00

My immediate family has been all over the place lately. Between the 7 of us, we've taken 22 flights (approximate figure) in the past 2 months. Crazy.
My dad told me about flightaware.com today and the curbside pickup cirlcling hater in me rejoiced. You can now accurately track flights and see their actual routes and see how many times that specific flight has actually landed on time in the past week. I put actual in italics because last night, nay, this morning, very early in the morning I did a few laps around Sea Tac waiting for Dan's flight to get in because no, Delta, his flight did not really land at 12:10 like your website said. It landed at 12:58 which is quite a difference when you're tired and waiting for your husband and anticipating the alarm clock to wake you at 5am for work. Next time you know exactly when your beloved/family member/friend/coworker arrives remember me and whisper a tiny thank you into the heavens.

Need a Read?

2010-02-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

I will post about our trip to Australia soon but I want to make sure you know about this incredible book. "The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon" by David Grann is so good, I think you should read it right now. I was captivated by Grann's recounting of the story of Percy Fawcett, a fearless explorer of the Amazon. You know when you are reading a great book and you think about it all the time, like when you're climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge or eating awesome Thai food in Melbourne? This is that book. Obtain a copy immediately!

Photo Upload 101

2010-02-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

Is there a class for dummies that don't know how to upload photos? I feel seriously retarded right now; I can't figure out how to upload multiple pictures into Picassa at one time. Oh, what's that you say? Just click the control key and select your pictures? Wrong, that doesn't work. Also, the pictures I upload into iPhoto are huge, 3MB on average. Anyone know how to make the file size smaller so they don' take up so much space? Come on professor, I need you.
I'm trying to show you more of this:

and this:

Help!

There's No Place Like Oz!

2010-02-20T23:27:00.000-08:00

We are back from our whirlwind tour of Australia. I will be suffering from jet lag tomorrow considering it's 11:30 and I'm still awake. I rarely stay up past 10. I'm an 80 year old trapped in a 29 year old's body.
Anyway, Oz was completely amazing. We saw a ton of beaches, climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge, tasted many delicious wines and even managed to smuggle 6 bottles back without breaking a single one. Success!
I'm going to try and sleep now, pictures to follow tomorrow.

I'm Going to Australia Tomorrow!

2010-02-05T06:18:00.000-08:00

So no blogging for awhile. See you in a couple weeks.

You Want This Dog!

2010-01-30T11:05:00.000-08:00

Do you hate to sleep and love the sound of barking? Yes? I have a deal for you. For the bargain price of free you can take home a 5 1/2 year old Miniature Schnauzer with unproven but obvious traces of Poodle (aka Schnoodle). Throw out your heating pad, this dog will sleep on top of you all night. Stop worrying about how to spend all that money in your bank account. This furry little friend requires expensive grain-free kibble and costly enzyme powder not once, but twice a day. Still have some cash left? Great! You can spend it on vet fees and grooming. Do you hate sitting still? Looking to cure your RLS? Perfect! You can walk this naughty thing 3 times a day while she takes her sweet time taking a poo; one that may or may not be solid, which may or may not cause you to worry about her disease acting up, which may or may not require a trip to the vet. Do you hate your neighbors? Looking for a way to annoy and alienate them? The answer couldn't be clearer. This dog will solve all your problems. Call or email today. This offer is only available for a limited time.

Just Wondering What You Think

2010-01-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

I read this article just a minute ago. My instant reaction was to say, uh huh, yeah, sure, riiiight. I'm sure you're free of your gay impulses. Congratulations. Side note: I read a suggestion somewhere that there should be a special font for sarcasm. I completely agree. Anyway, I do not personally think that Ted Haggard is cured of his gay urges. Whether or not he chooses to use his theraputic experience in order to avoid acting on said urges is a different matter entirely. I'm not here to judge. That's not what this post is about.
What this article got me thinking is what exactly did you mean when you said your vows at the altar? For Mrs. Haggard her vows meant that she would stick by her husband despite a meth addiction and tryst with a male prostitute. Is that what we all vowed? Does, "till death do us part" include homosexual promiscuity, drug use, infidelity or dishonesty? Do you think each person's "I do" is a different set of "I won'ts?" Where would you draw the line? Do you think the same is true of your spouse? Did you ever talk to your spouse about this before you married him or her? I'm curious what you guys think of this. Discuss.

So, Like, You Know

2010-01-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

Dan and I were watching The Real Housewives of Orange County this weekend and there was a scene where Lynne's daughters "talked" to each other. Nothing was actually said. It was just a jumble of cringe inducing sos, likes and you knows softly spoken with inflection at the end of each word as if a question was being asked. So? Like? You know? I told Dan if we have a daughter and she talks like that we're sending her to speech therapy. He agreed and added that he would use a shock collar in case the therapy didn't take. So, like, you know, what bad habit do you hope your children avoid?

A Post About Height

2010-01-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

I now own snowshoes and a headlamp but that's not what this post is about.
I saw a coworker/friend in the hall last week and she was wearing the cutest freaking outfit and cute-as boots. Revision: she was rocking cute-as boots and I couldn't help but appreciate how unapologetically tall she is. She's not freakishly tall, just very tall, very I-don't-give-a-damn-and-I'm-wearing-these-big-boots-today-so-there tall. And I thought that I'm the same way except the other direction. I am unapologetically short, or at least I hope so. I stopped growing in the sixth grade and had to make the decision very early on to not care. Sure, I blended in with the grade school field trips that walked the campus up in Bellingham. Yes, sometimes I have to ask strangers to get stuff off store shelves for me. Of course, there's enough room behind my driver's seat for Andre the Giant and a few of his friends. What's the point in lamenting? Am I going to invest in big shoes, wear them every day and give myself bunyons and hammer toes? Hell no! Am I going to save up for a painful and expensive bone stretching surgery? Nope. Do I care that I'm 2 inches away from legally requiring a booster seat in a car in the state of Washington? Yes, actually, that one is kind of disturbing.
I saw this special on 20/20 once where parents were spending tens of thousands of dollars to give their kids HGH (that's human growth hormone in case you aren't in the majors) in the hopes that they would not be, gasp, short. There wasn't any proof that this would work but the parents thought it was worth it so their kids could grow tall and be respected in society. What a bunch of crap! You know what I call that, besides crap? Hooey, shenanigans, absurdity, vanity, hogwash, shit, stupidity, super lame and being a re-taard (as in "The Hangover"). What's so bad about being short, other than being mistaken for a fourth grader and not being able to reach the 2 liter of Coke? Nothing! Buck up and deal with it you ninnies. Geez.
Wow, I'm glad I got that off my chest, it's a weight off these shoulders. Down here, yeah, these shoulders.

Reusies

2010-01-12T11:54:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like me you have this unfortunate situation happening:

This is the stockpile of sandwich bags I pulled out of a drawer in my desk. I always bring cereal or chips to snack on at work and I feel so bad throwing away the plastic bags. They are perfectly good with maybe just a few crumbs in the bottom. I always forget they're there and don't take them home so they pile up. Annoying.
At my friend Jenn's baby shower this weekend a eco-concious friend gave her a couple of these:

Introducing Reusies, reusable food bags. So smart! You can order them here. There are two sizes to choose from and you can wash them by hand, in the washing machine or even the dishwasher. Things like this make me think, "why didn't I think of that?" Next time I have a problem I'm going to seriously consider how I can solve it and make money at the same time. Add that to the list of my new year's resolutions.

Books

2010-01-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Mariana and I'm a book hoarder. I love to read and I have books all over my condo. Most of them are on a shelf in my guest room but there are also a few stacks near the window, on the computer table and there are two books currently taking up room on my nightstand. I love the way they look on the shelf, haphazardly arranged in the corner. "The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde" is huge, its red fabric cover faded and fraying. I inherited it from Abuelo; it sits horizontally and anchors the bottom shelf. My Harry Potter collection neatly lines the third shelf starting at chambers and ending with horcruxes. "The Heath Anthology of American Literature Volume II" raggedly sits with a few post-its sticking out and dog-eared pages creating gaps. I love that one so much, it's from an American lit class I took sophomore year when I was captivated by ee cummings, forevermore my favorite poet. There is something so fantastic about seeing all my books together. I love them.
The book hoarder in me weeped on Christmas when Dan gave me an Amazon Kindle. It was a very welcome gift, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I'm having trouble giving up real books. I've only downloaded one book on my Kindle and it's kind of weird to click a button to "turn" the page. I also find it strange to not be able to tell how much you have left to go. Usually I'll mark a stopping point which is most often the end of the chapter. With the Kindle you really can't tell where the chapter ends unless you click through the pages one by one to find out. I'm excited to take my Kindle to Australia (less than a month!) because it will take up so much less space in my bag. I figure if I really love a book I can always go buy the real thing and wedge it in between "The Prophet" and "She's Come Undone" but we'll see. I think this is what Dan was trying to avoid by buying me a Kindle:

I wouldn't mind!

Twenty Ten

2010-01-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

Twenty ten has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Two thousand ten just takes way too long to say. We don't have time for that. The people of twenty ten are busy.
I was ceremoniously throwing away my two thousand and nine (that took so long to write) calendar and I found the greatest thing. The back pages were blank, and perforated. After tearing them apart I noticed I had a stack of the perfect size paper for lists. Happiness! I love writing lists. Naturally I spent a good half hour writing lists in my cubicle. As much as I complain about my cubicle I do take advantage of the high walls and do what I want, within reason, I am a loyal and hardworking employee after all. I have a Tiffany necklace to prove it. I digress. There is pure joy in list writing. Behold:

It's hard to tell from the picture but the sheets are long rectangles. There are 3 of them here detailing a variety of tasks I will complete in the next few weeks. There is lots to blog about, lots to do, many healthy foods to buy at the store, many many lists to write. Twenty ten is going to be a productive year. What's on your list?

2009 In Review

2009-12-30T12:07:00.000-08:00

The year is ending, and oh what a year we've had dear readers. We started with Ms. Carolina turning one, I remember baking a gazillion cupcakes for her party. On her actual birthday, the Epiphany, we ate Rosca de Reyes (did I spell it right Mom?) and I found the little plastic baby Jesus inside. Happy day! Whoever finds the little plastic baby Jesus has to throw a party so I had everyone over the next month to watch the Super Bowl, naturally.

There was a very memorable Valentine's Day Dinner Club with my besties. We exchanged valentines and Betsy gave us all scratch tickets. I was really excited until I realized they were romantic scratch tickets that she bought by accident at Target, they weren't real. So I'm still waiting for my candlelit dinner and backrub that she owes me but I will forgive her the debt if she buys me a real scratch ticket this year.

In March I conquered 1311 steps to the top of the Columbia Tower. You all contributed to my fundraising efforts and for that I am eternally grateful. So grateful in fact that I will not ask you for money next year.

I can't remeber anything that happened in April except that I forgot to wish my friend Adam a happy birthday on the 29th. Sorry Big Herm, let me know what the plans are for this year and happy very belated birthday to you dear friend. Oh wait, my friend Ally had little baby Carson and her daughter Ava turned 3. I get to see them this weekend (hooray!) How could I forget that?!

It was a quiet May with just a few dinners and one memorable Mariner's game.

In June I threw my sister a bachelorette party and danced the robot. We also spent a weekend camping at Alta Lake, one of my favorite yearly traditions. It says here on my calendar there was a half marathon on the 27th. Clearly I did not participate but found it necessary to pencil it in under the delusion that I would actually go. Sometimes I surprise myself with absurd ambition.

July saw my 28th year vanish and my sister got married again (to the same man), it can be confusing, I know.
Dan's neice Chloe had a bone marrow transplant and she is doing very well now, thank goodness.

In August we celebrated Cynthia's pending nuptuals with a bachelorette party in Desert Aire. It was very fun.

September brought said nuptuals in the beautiful city of Santa Fe. I would be happy never eating green chile sauce again.

In October we saw U2 in Canada and my friends Amy and Kristi turned 30.

Don't worry, there are only two more months and I'll wrap it up.

November brought a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner at our friends Tim and Michele's place. This is where I brought the ill fated Williams Sonoma Oreo Cookie cake. Nobody ate it, just as I suspected they wouldn't.
The real Thanksgiving in Bellingham was delicious sans dessert catastrophe. Just how Thanksgiving should be.

Finally here we are in December. The month of good tidings and getting showered with gifts. So I present to you my new car. I just got it yesterday and I'm super excited to drive it everywhere. I hope you have pleasant memories of 2009, that you leave it satisfied and with very few regrets. May your 2010 be prosperous and wonderful and may you be showered with roses and kisses by magical fairy unicorn hybrids. I had to add that last bit because the whole thing was getting a bit cheesy, don't you think?
Have a great New Year's and I will return in 2010 with a list of resolutions to get my ass and bank account in shape.

KitchenAid Users Rejoice

2009-12-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

You know when you're mixing something in your KitchenAid and you have to stop every few minutes to scrape the bowl down? It's annoying, right? You will be happy to know that some genius has invented a paddle attachment with silicone wings that scrapes the bowl down for you. Brilliant! It's called the Beater Blade and you can read about it here. I bought mine at Crate and Barrel and I can't wait to try it out when I make a tasty Christmas dessert. I'm thinking about making my award winning* mocha cheesecake, I'll let you know how it goes.

*"award winning" refers to award given at Topline Corp/Report Footwear Inc.'s annual Valentine's Day baking contest 2008. Award was given to my mocha cheesecake in the category of best tasting. I did not rig the votes or pay people to vote for me although there weren't a ton of entries that year and I may or may not have voted for myself.

Holidays and Hooch

2009-12-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

Holidays and Hooch was the official name of the cocktail party we went to on Saturday. It was graciously hosted by the soon-to-be Hermans and the Mastans. They asked everybody to bring a bottle of booze (hooch, if you will) and hired a bartender for the evening. You know what happens when somebody else is mixing your drinks. You know, you drink just as much as you would otherwise. Just sayin', we all had our fair share. Here are some pics of the lovely ladies in attendance*. I had to post the pic of new mom Keri and her twin for the evening Betsy. Gotta love showing up in the same dress! Luckily there is no catiness here, just a lot of laughs.

Although I act the Grinch/Scrooge around the holidays I do really love get-togethers like this. This time of the year is a great time to reflect on the special people in your life. I am lucky to have such great friends.

*Pictures courtesy of Marissa via Facebook. I am such a picture thief.

Opinions Welcome

2009-12-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

I bought this dress today, cute, no? I don't love the way they've styled it for the website; I'm not into those tights. What do you think?

It might also be the strange look on the model's face or her hair that's throwing me off, not sure. But I'll tell you this: for our only cocktail party of the season I invested in some rollers, super crazy volume hair spray and a decorative hair accessory. If it turns out ok I'll post pics. I hope you all have a fun weekend!

Good Catch Anonymous!

2009-12-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

In my haste to tell you about Num Nums I made a big mistake; one that drives me crazy when other people do it. Tsk, tsk, never let your emotions sidetrack you from the laws of grammar. Thank you Mr. or Ms. Anonymous for pointing it out. I appreciate it.
In my post below it should say, "Dan and I" not, "Me and Dan". Shame!
I guess since we're talking grammar I should mention I am confounded by punctutaion when using quotation marks. I never get it right. Does anyone have a quick summary of how this is done?

Found!

2009-12-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

Captured: Elusive Num Nums
Found at Fred Meyer 12/1/09, snagged by my new hero, the savior of a child's Christmas dreams, the one and only #1 Dunner (aka Josh).
He really came through for me today and threw some elbows at a few parents that were foaming at the mouth. He dove in and snagged this beautiful thing:

I owe him huge time. I'll have to think of the perfect thank you gift, I did offer a reward after all. Maybe a year's worth of movie tickets, hmm, I'll really have to think about this one. Chloe is going to be so happy. Me and Dan win best aunt and uncle this year, yesssssss.

Wanted!

2009-11-23T19:19:00.000-08:00

REWARD!
HAMSTER WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE STUFFED

Elusive grey stuffed hamster, responds to the name Numnums
3" tall, .4lbs
Identifying marks: white heart on back, pink plastic nose, beady little eyes
Considered extremely cuddly, hard to find, is known to make rare appearances during holiday sales at discount department stores. Beware the throngs of elbow throwing adults if Numnums is spotted. Proceed with caution.

Is It January Yet?

2009-11-23T11:58:00.000-08:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year! And by wonderful I mean stressful and cold and filled with greedy consumerism and the brain numbing sounds of Mariah Carey singing Christmas music and overworked baristas steaming eggnog. Kill me now.

Dan's super adorable niece Chloe really really wants a Zhu Zhu hamster pet for Christmas. She wants the grey one named Numnums with the white heart on his back. So we decided to buy her one. Not so fast. I quickly Googled it and found one on Amazon. All was well, right? Um, no. Thank goodness we called Dan's brother Mike to make sure which one she wanted because he was surprised to hear that we had found one and quickly alerted us to the fact that they normally only cost $10. So how much was I about to fork over for a small stuffed hamster with a funny name? 64 bucks. That's right, I was about to get completely taken by some enterprising seller on Amazon who saw an early trend and snatched up as many Zhu Zhus as she could and is now sitting on a big pile of money and laughing. Sweet.

And this is a perfect example of why I don't like Christmas: the fact that somebody is likely going to get trampled and die at WalMart on Friday over a stuffed toy. It's sad, just sad.

Kitchen Fail (unless the goal was to bake a cake that looks like a pile of shit)

2009-11-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Williams Sonoma,

I think it is totally unaceptable for you to send me a catalog with a picture of this and imply that I can recreate it at home.

You need to add a disclaimer that novice bakers and otherwise failures in the kitchen need to avoid such projects that will leave them with four totally shitty looking chocolate cakes that do not even remotely resemble an Oreo cookie. Please refrain from luring me into your store with pretty pictures of beautiful feasts.

Sincerely,
Me

You Can Now Cut Me With a Rusty Knife

2009-11-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry for my absence. I was recovering from Bronchitis and the weirdest ailment yet, a bad reaction to a Tetanus shot. I went to the doctor on Friday after Operation Pho did not work in evicting Mr. Mucus from my chest cavity. The friendly nurse persuaded me to get a Tetanus shot since I was approximately 26 years overdue for one. I resisted, after all, you can get a Tetanus shot when you really need it: at the emergency room. However, she dazzled me with talk of "the new Tetanus shot" that also protects against Whooping Cough and bad hair days. So I caved. Cut to Saturday morning when I wake up and can't move my arm. For the next couple days my arm was a heavy log hanging from my shoulder, unable to operate. I also had a fever and a bad case of the whinies (sorry Dan). By Monday I could move my arm but it still hurt. Today I still have some swelling but it feels much better. The moral of this story is: don't let the nurse or the doctor up sell you. They are a business too but they benefit from the advantage of scaring you with threats to your health. If you go in for Bronchitis, don't leave with a Tetanus shot. Lesson learned.

I wasn't looking for a tenant

2009-11-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

Somebody has moved in. He's big, smelly, green and disgusting. It's this guy:

He moved into my chest cavity last night and is currently flipping channels with his feet up. I took some Mucinex this morning in an eviction attempt but he's a stubborn tenant and so far is refusing to vacate. I think operation Pho might do the trick. I'll let you know.

2 birthdays + 1 holiday = busy weekend

2009-11-02T20:04:00.000-08:00

Happy 30th birthdays Amy and Kristi! Two of my favorite people turned 30 this weekend, Kristi on Halloween and Amy the day after. I hope you guys had a great weekend and lots of fun at your parties.

Amy is the blonde one. Check out the adorable dress, so appropriate no? Love it.

Picture courtesy of my FB photo-robbing skills.

Here's the recently engaged Kristi before she went to the dark side. Relax, I'm talking about her hair, it's black now.

I love you both and can't wait for what the future has in store for all of us. Weddings, houses, maybe babies? We'll see...

Skinny? Not So Much

2009-11-02T19:44:00.000-08:00

I thought I would get away with not posting anything about the skinny jeans I bought on Friday. But Amber, you are an observant one, so here's the post.

After a few years of contemplating and procrastinating, I finally broke down and bought a pair of skinny jeans. I realize skinny jeans are no novelty and nothing new but it took me a long time to catch up to this trend. Let's not get carried away and think I'm actually going to post a picture of myself in the jeans, that would be silly. Instead I'll show you this (picture them minus the rolled bottom):

and this:

and tell you I wore them together with a simple black top. Satisfied?

U2 at BC Place: A for Effort

2009-11-02T18:50:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday we went to Vancouver with the Dunns to drink in milliliters, drive in kilometers, pay in loonies and toonies, get stuck in horrendous Canadian traffic for no reason at all and, oh, right, to see U2 live at BC Place. We had dinner reservations at Brix but sadly did not make it because the guy in charge of deciding which lanes to open in the George Massey tunnel was drunk and high and clearly not doing his job. Side note - Dan and his parents were in a horrible car accident in said Massey tunnel. A drunk, high, stupid, moron gang banger was going many many kilometers per hour and rear ended Dan's parent's car. His little gangbangermobile flipped and started bouncing back and forth across the tunnel, repeatedly hitting each wall. He was sliding so fast Dan's dad had to hit the brakes to avoid hitting him. It was awful, this idiot and his gang banger girlfriend bloodied and hanging upside down by their seat belts in the dark tunnel. Scary. We generally don't like the George Massey tunnel and the scary things that happen there so it was really unfortunate that commuting Canadians and concert going Americans had to sit for over two hours to get through the tunnel which was closed down to one lane. Ugh.
After much hand wringing we finally got into town, checked into our hotel, had a few drinks and ate dinner. By the time we made it into BC Place I was ready to dance, sing and, of course, march around to "Sunday Bloody Sunday". Alas, it was not to be. Although U2 put amazing energy into the performance I came away from the concert with a bit of complacency and disappointment. The stage, albeit elaborate and expensive, was overdone. There was a giant screen in the middle that was pretty cool but it made me feel like I was watching a music video. Instead of watching the actual band members, I kept catching myself watching the screen. No offense guys but I didn't drive all that way to watch a video, you know? Also, they played way way way too much new stuff. Let's get real here for a minute. How much new U2 have you heard? What's that? Hardly any? Yeah, me too. Oh yeah and the rest of the people at the concert too. You could immediately feel the energy drain from the venue as soon as they started to play a new song that nobody knew. I wish they had played more hits and kept us on our feet and dancing.

I'm not negative Nancy; I do have to give big kudos to all 4 band members. They are what, about 50 now? Their enthusiasm and charisma was incredible. They kept the political messages to a bearable amount and did not waver in their energy. I appreciate the fact that they've been playing together for years and still manage to keep their show fresh and look like they enjoy each other's company. Well done gentlemen.

Here's a picture of the stage that I stole off of Google Images, it was pretty intense, with moving bridges and lots of lights. I would recommend you go see them at Qwest Field in June if you get the chance but you should definitely hit up iTunes first and catch up on the new stuff, you'll need it.

By The Way

2009-10-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

I found this coat at FCUK in Vancouver and I did not buy it. It fit like a dream, a dream.

Do with this info what you will.

Just Checking In

2009-10-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

We are back from the mid-week Canadian U2 excursion. Isaac Brock says, "Opinions were like kittens, I was givin' em away." That's how I feel about the show. I have many opinions and you'll hear them all, but not today. I'm just posting real quick like to let you know that two of my bfs turn 30 this weekend so I am busy busy. PS - bfs stands for best friends not boyfriends. My two boyfriends don't turn 30 for a few more years. Kidding. I'll be back on Sunday with a concert review, tips on how to not lose your shit during Canadian rush hour traffic, pics from Amy and Kristi's big days and a peek at my first foray into skinny jeans (maybe). Until then I hope you have a fab Halloween weekend.

Apostrophiasco

2009-10-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

Hey people please read and heed: the apostrophe does not pluralize.

If you caption a photo with a family name, say, the Smiths, you don't need an apostrophe. The apostrophe denotes possession so you would only use it if you were talking about something that belongs to the Smiths.

Correct:

I heard about Judy Smith's new Mercedes. It cost more than my condo.

Incorrect:

Let's invite the Smith's over for a barbecue. Sam loves my deviled eggs.

WRONG! So very wrong.

Please, no more pictures captioned, "The Hoover's" or, "The Reagan's". Please!

A note to my coworker, the plural of box is boxes, not box's. The plural of shelf is shelves, not shelf's. Got it?

The Amazing Chicken

2009-10-26T11:45:00.001-07:00

Do you watch The Amazing Race? If you don't, catch up on what happened last night here. Basically this girl Mika and her bf Canaan were eliminated from the race because she got the scareds and wouldn't go down a big water slide. To her credit, I remember a water slide like that at the Big Splash water park in Tulsa called The Silver Bullet. Granted, I was just a little thing back then, but it looked huge and menacing and I would absolutely not even remotely consider thinking about considering going down it. I discussed this at length with Dan last night and we concluded that we would both go down the slide, skydive and/or bungee jump for a chance at a million dollars. He said he would definitely eat nasty things. I'm still on the fence with that one.

So, here's what I'm thinking about today as my inbox fills up and I avoid work: what fear would cripple me so badly that I would give up a chance at a mil? It's a tough question because you don't really know for sure what you will and won't do until you're actually there. Until the fall of 2002 I didn't think I would ever jump out of an airplane; and I've done it twice now so hooray for me. The thought of bungee jumping scares the bejeezers out of me but I think if I absolutely had to, I would do it.

So what would you just not do? What makes you put your foot down and say, "oh hells no"?

Idle hands

2009-10-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

I love to waste time. It's one of my favorite things to do. Is the sink full of dirty dishes? Yeah, but I'd rather play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook. Does the dog need to pee? Sure, but I want to see what Kandi's mom says at the engagement party (don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about). Is the bathroom so dirty that there are mysterious life forms growing that resemble alien communities on distant planets? You bet, but I'm busy playing Sheep Launcher on my phone. Do you procrastinate? I think you need to take a hard look at your life and stop getting so much done. You're really blowing through that to do list like a motivated A-type with OCD and a subscription to Martha Stewart Living. Sit down and click on these links. These are some of my favorite time-wasters.

Do you like to browse Etsy? If you do, check out Regretsy. In case you're in a hurry I've found the best items for you here and here.

Texts From Last Nigh t makes me feel old and yearn for crazy nights out in college.

I don't yearn for bargain shopping when I visit People of Walmar t. Looking at this site makes me crave a treadmill and a shower.

I think twice about my Facebook posts after reading what these peopl e have to say.

According to Michael Stipe, everybody hurts. You'll know it's true when you read these stories.

Ok, is the dryer full of clothes and the oven timer beeping? Good.

What other sites eat up your time? Send me the link, the dog can walk her own damn self.

Green juice: it's so healthy you can stop washing your hands

2009-10-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

Totally kidding about not washing your hands, please continue to wash them often.

Take a look at the goodness I'm about to put into my body:

Check out my new blender. I was holding out for a Vitamix but that's not in the budget right now so this pretty KitchenAid will do. I'm accepting name suggestions. So far I'm thinking Sylvia but I'm open.

I bought Sylvia specifically so I could make green juice every morning. Fall is here with sniffles, sneezing, runny noses and headaches. I need to fight back.

If you'd like to stay healthy try a daily serving of this smoothie. My version is modified from Dr. Oz's recipe that you can find here.

My green juice recipe:

2 handfuls spinach

1 handful Italian parsley

1 celery stalk

1/2 peeled cucumber

1 apple

1/2 navel orange

1/4 lime

1/4 lemon

1 sliver peeled ginger

4-5 frozen strawberries

1/4 - 1/2 cup water

You can thank mi madre Rosario for the tasty modifications that make this concoction easier to drink. The added orange makes it sweeter. The frozen strawberries are my own addition. The icy texture helps cover the frothy grit you get from using a blender instead of a juicer. You can juice all the ingredients but then you're missing the pulp which carries all the fiber. Choices, life is full of them. I think you should choose to try this recipe and make your own changes. Sometimes I don't add the celery. If I'm out of lemon or lime I just use a little more orange. There's really no wrong way to make this smoothie unless you substitute spinach for vanilla ice cream, switch out celery for chocolate sauce and omit all the other ingredients. In that case I'd say you're doing it all wrong.

If you follow directions well your drink should come out like this:

The recipe makes about 2 12oz servings. Dan gets to drink it too, he is so excited.

Try it out and tell me what you think.

Now go wash your hands, keyboards are filthy.

Yikes!

2009-10-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

I knew it had been a long time since I posted, but I didn't realize that it's almost been two months. Oh my. That's just ridiculous.

I don't write consistently but I do read all your blogs daily. I would like to thank you all for being such dedicated bloggers. My lunch break would not be the same if you weren't so responsible and dedicated to posting beautiful pictures and insightful words. I just realized I'm sitting on the couch with Lola watching Monday Night Football. Dan isn't even here. That's how enthralled I am with your blogs; I don't even notice I'm watching football. Serious.

I also realized today that I've lost a follower. I used to have 7 but now there are only 6 of you. Ex follower, please come back. I'm sorry if I let you down.

We've been pretty busy lately but filling you in on everything at this point is futile.

I'll make an effort to keep this thing updated. For real this time.

Is this thing on?

2009-08-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

Hello? Anybody out there? So nobody has an opinion of Saturn Return, huh? Ok, I get it, astrology isn't your thing, right? You didn't want to click on the link? You're busy? So what is it? Please don't tell me you've stopped reading my blog.

I'll post more, I will.

Life is kind of on a downswing right now. I think things go in waves, up and down and right now is a down time. Work is stressville. My boss treats me like a rodent and I can't seem to do anything right. I have no money, this is completely my own fault but irritating nonetheless. There is some other stuff but I won't go into the details, I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to me whine.

I keep reminding myself that things aren't that bad, to stop being such a pansy and buck up. What I really need to do is find myself a productive and enriching career. What do you suggest? Do you have any ideas for me? Do you just want to post a nice comment to cheer me up? I would like that.

Saturn Return

2009-08-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

My friend Amy told me about this phenomenon today and I'm not sure what to think. The romantic, astrology believing (and slightly valley girl) side of my brain says, "OMG, this is like so totally right on" but the sensible, skeptical side of my brain says, "what a load".
Usually, I think astrology is bunk. I think it was invented by enterprising free spirits that needed a quick buck and were good at writing "deep" synopses of life that majically appelaed to everyone due to their vague nature. Said free spirits needed some context to make their craft believeable so they chose something few can refute, planets. Viola, a business was born.
I'd like to know what you think. Has Saturn returned or do people have too much time on their hands?

Ana and Mike's wedding

2009-08-12T11:01:00.001-07:00

I apologize for the delay in posting pics of Ana and Mike's big day. I was busy partying in Desert Aire but more about that later.

The venue was a family friend's house in Snohomish. Behind the altar area is a huge water feature that they've labored over for a few years. It was a great backdrop for the ceremony.

The happy family.

Quite possibly the cutest flower girl the world has ever seen.

Matron of honor, moi and best man Geoff (my dress was too long, drats!)

Cue the tears. The beautiful bride with parents in tow.

Hello fabulous shoes!

Time to party.

So it says here on your resume your name is Idiot Moron, is that right? Yes, but I go by Liability

2009-08-03T17:31:00.001-07:00

Dear girl who is suing your former college for 70 grand because you can't find a job,

You're a moron. Good luck ever finding a job or getting into grad school after this stunt. Nobody will ever hire you, accept you into their institution, rent you a house, sell you a car, move in with you or god forbid, marry you. You will encounter enough people who will tell you how stupid you are so you don't really need me to continue on about how you're an idiot. Please tell your lawyer he or she is also a complete dumb ass. Good luck with the rest of your life, with your reasoning skills it sounds like you'll need it.

Sincerely,

To hold you over, like a slice of cheese between lunch and dinner

2009-07-31T19:00:00.001-07:00

I survived the longest week in history. Dan got home from VA yesterday, my sis and Mike are already back from their honeymoon, the family is slowly trickling back down to Mexico, Ms. Chloe is still in the hospital but we're hoping for good news on her transplant results, and my mom passed gracefully from 59 to 60 and hardly complained about her poorly organized chaotic mess of a party (my fault). Despite a downpour in the middle of the reception we had a great time at the wedding on Saturday. As soon as I move from in front of these 3 fans I will find some pictures to post. In the meantime I thought I would tell you about some things on my mind. Some are kind of new, some seriously dated but I hope they entertain you for a little bit.

First of all, what the hell is up with the two bathtubs in the Cialis commercials? Who would put two bathtubs side by side in front of a dock or on a mountain top or on their deck? I find this seriously retarded. No matter your age you are not having sex if your partner is in a separate bathtub than you. It's simple logistics.

When Donald Trump gets rid of contestants on his reality show The Apprentice he says, "you're fired." However, the contestants are all vying for the job, so they're not actually hired yet. You can't fire somebody you haven't hired. Granted, the send off, "you're not hired" is not as catchy but at least it makes sense.

There's some country singer, Carrie Underwood mayhap, that sings, "carved my name into his leather seats." Um, hello, dumb ass, that's like spray painting, "Littlemeah was here" on the side of a building or keying your name on someone's car. Carrie advises us maybe her ex will think twice before he cheats. Maybe you'll think twice, Carrie, when you are sitting in jail and you see yourself on the next episode of America's Dumbest Criminals.

Did you know that now more than ever people are saying, "now more than ever"? I suppose there are trends in marketing and right now the trend is doomsday advertising. But now more than ever I wish companies would stop warning us that we need their product now more than ever.

Did you notice they switched the Sleep Country woman on the commercials? Does it bother you that they dress the two exactly the same in khaki pants and sensible sweater sets? Like maybe you won't notice the new gal is way skinnier and looks nothing like the old gal? And who says gal anymore? What am I, 50?

I feel great now that I have that all off my chest. Thanks for your help, it's like therapy, really. Next week, same time?

Stress Level Alert: High

2009-07-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

You know when you drive through the mountains and they have those signs with Smokey the Bear and a chart indicating the fire threat level? The sign is manually set to low, medium or high. Well, imagine one of those with my picture on it; you can add smoke coming from my ears if you'd like. The top of the sign says, "Today's stress level is:" and the sign says VERY HIGH. Let me tell you a few of the things happening lately that have me popping sedatives at bed time. First, my sis and Mike are getting married on Saturday. You know how there's a million little things to do before a wedding? We're trudging through the to-do list and getting all those little details in order. My uncle Pablo, aunt Jacqueline and cousin Veronica are coming from Mexico tomorrow and staying with us, hence all the Facebook posts about cleaning the guest room this weekend. I really want them to feel at home and I guess their home isn't filled with junk and dust bunnies. That's enough to drive this couch potato into frenzy mode but there's still more. Dan is taking the bar in Virginia next week. He has been really focused on studying and his stress level is right up there with mine. Also, his super adorable 6 year old niece Chloe is undergoing a bone marrow transplant today. The recovery is really long and painful. She will be in the hospital for awhile. Please pray for her.
Are you overwhelmed yet? There's more. My mom turns 60 on Sunday so we're having a brunch at my parent's house and I still need to find a gift for her and help finalize the planning for her party.
I might go into hibernation next week. Don't look for me.
*Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Summer"time"

2009-07-08T13:27:00.001-07:00

I love DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's "Summertime" as much as the next twenty-something but it bothers me that the events laid out in the third verse are basically impossible. Can you really go to the mall (when it's already late in the day no less), hop in the water plug for old times sake, break to the crib to change your clothes, make it to the barbeque by 4, watch the old folks dance at your family reunion, reminisce about the days growing up and the first person you kissed, wipe your car down, go to the summertime hangout/car show and, wait a second, you supposedly just came from the barbershop/beauty salon and spent all day waxing your car. Um, I don't think I like the Fresh Prince's new definition of summer madness. I'll stick to doing just a couple of things a day during the summer, thank you.

Cliche of the day

2009-07-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today's cliche is "star-studded." If it were a drinking game to take a shot every time I've heard that today I'd be face down in my neighbor's yard in a pool of vomit wearing only an apron and one paisley sock.

Tick, tick, tick

2009-06-18T11:47:00.001-07:00

Have you ever planned a vacation or a short weekend getaway and the last day of work before you leave is excruciating? I'm feeling that way right now. We're off to Alta tonight and I've been at my desk planning the weekend all morning. Did I pack my swim suit? Does the car have enough gas? Did we buy enough hot dog buns? Who will pick up ice on the way home for the cooler? At approximately what time can I relax and open a cold beer? Did I pack the bug spray? Will it be sunny all weekend? Ugh, can the work day just be over now? I want to go, go, go.

What's that feet? You need shoes?

2009-06-16T17:19:00.001-07:00

Are your feet trying to tell you something? Tangent warning. When I went to Western there was an article in the student paper where this girl's feet told her they hated shoes and asked her to be free. She complied and never wore shoes again, even in the middle of winter. She was on shrooms when her feet talked to her, obviously, feet don't talk to sober people.

Aneeeeway, Report Shoes is having a sample sale on Saturday. If your feet haven't asked you not to, you should go. Here is the info:

Once again my lack of computer skills has caused deep shame to my family. Ok, not really but I can't figure out how to make the picture bigger so I'll just have to tell you:

Report Sample Sale

Lots of great shoes in sizes 6-11 from a variety of brands including Report, Report Signature, R2 and more.

Saturday June 20th from 10-1 at 13150 SE 32nd St Bellevue, WA 98005.

100% of the proceeds go to New Beginnings. Google them.

Don't miss it unless your hippie feet revolt.

Rambling, it's better than nothing. I hope.

2009-06-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

Oh my, this blog is on the bottom of the list. What list you ask. Well, I'm not sure what list. It could be on the summer to do list right under watch HGTV, watch the real housewives of anywhere they happen to be showing and sleep. Or, it could be on the list of things I haven't done in awhile such as hot yoga, avoid dairy and clean my condo.
The past month has been pretty slow. Lola is as stinky as ever. She turned 5 on June 4th but hasn't gotten the memo that she needs to stop acting like a spoiled anxious puppy. I got her a portable water bowl so she can rehydrate on long walks. She really liked it and told me it's the second best birthday gift she's ever gotten right behind Mr. Monkey. She also thanked me for keeping her alive with powdered pancreas enzyme. I told her she was welcome and I'm happy to do it.
On June 6th I partook in slight shenanigans at Ana's bachelorette party. We had a suite at the Farimont (just call me Mrs. High Roller) where Ana opened gifts and we drank drinks. Then we had a fab dinner at Purple and then we went to a variety of strange bars. First was the "hipster" bar called Vessel. The tall, lanky concierge with a lisp told me it was cool. I should have known better. The place had 3 chairs and bar menu the length of an encylopedia (it even had a glossary in the back). The drinks were $12 (note to Vessel: you're not Vegas). I think if they charge $12 for a cocktail they should have more than 3 chairs.
We then hobbled our way to The Triple Door where there was nothing happening. So we went to Kell's which was great until I started drinking Jeager and Red Bull and dancing like a robot. The robot is pretty sweet but you have to be with people who get you and expect your retarded antics. My sister's friends don't really know me so I think they were kind of like, "what the hell". We had a great time though and my sister's friends are a really fun group of girls. I am looking forward to seeing them all again at the wedding. Maybe I'll introduce them to the Axl.

This is me holding back from some smart-ass comment about my burning workplace

2009-05-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

My sister called me tonight to ask if I was aware that my office was on fire. I went online and sure enough, there was smoke billowing onto I-90 as the building burned. My company has two offices, our main building and another couple of offices in a shared building down the block. This shared space is called the Annex office and this is the one burning tonight. I work in the main building so luckily all my files and samples are spared. A lot of my coworkers aren't so lucky. I don't know the whole story or the extent of the damage yet. I'll let you know what happens.

Just wanted to let you know

2009-05-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for a good source of hydration without tons of calories or sugar (or gross fake sweeteners), then I have found the thing for you. Try Nuun. The fizzy tablets are similar to Airborne. Just drop one into your water bottle and it hydrates you better than water without the stomach ache that comes with gulping a cold Gatorade. Dan and I got some free samples at Beat the Bridge yesterday and we're hooked. It doesn't taste too sweet and it has a little bit of fizz to keep your water interesting. Their website also has tons of good info about hydration. I love finding a good product and sharing so here you go. Try it out and let me know what you think.

Somebody call BPS

2009-04-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

This blog is ne-glec-ted!

I say F it, there's no poem. Sorry Stacie, I love you. You sat next to McLovin courtside at an NBA playoff game. I don't feel so bad now. When you're in town I'll buy you a box of Oh's.

Let's move on...

No time for poetry, I've got a vacation to plan

2009-04-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

I send my sincerest apologies to those of you who were anticipating a poem about Stacie; I have to postpone the poem post (alliteration fans, rejoice) because there is bigger news to share.

For approximately 7 years I have been craving a jaunt to the land down under, you know, where women flow and men sunder (or whatever the lyrics are), the place where people smile and give you a Vegemite sandwich. Yes, Australia! I can only think of cliches so I might as well just throw them at you. I can hardly wait, I am counting the seconds, I am beside myself, this is a dream come true, this is something I've always wanted to do, etc, etc. Side note: the worst cliche of all time is fun in the sun. Please refrain from ever writing that, anywhere. ever.

Dan and I found reasonably priced tickets last week and booked the trip (admittedly, on a whim). I am so excited to see my friend Lill and her parents and finally meet her bf Jordan and her sister Alice. It's going to be hard to wait 10 months but I'm thankful for the extra time to plan and save money. Now if I could only get "Land Down Under" out of my head. Thanks a lot Men at Work.

I will get to the poem eventually. Patience people, patience.

And the blog post goes to...

2009-03-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

Fine, I've milked out all the guesses I'm going to get. My very very favorite cereal currently costs only $2.00 at Safeway and leaves a film of grease on the roof of your mouth. I am talking about delicious Oh's. Congrats to Stacie who posted her guess and immediately emailed me at work to make sure she was right. Yes, Stass, all those summer mornings after cheer practice eating Oh's at my house finally paid off. I already wrote a post about Stacie (read it here), so I'm going to get creative and channel my inner Sylvia Plath. No, I'm not sticking my head in the oven, I'm writing a poem about Stacie. I haven't written a poem since Poetry 351 at Western so it might take me a couple of days to put this one together. Bear with me folks and stay tuned for a poetic gem about Stacie.

A contest! A random ass contest.

2009-03-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

What's your favorite cereal? Are you an old soul who likes Raisin Bran? Are you a kid at heart and you love Fruit Loops or Cookie Crisp every morning? Are you a health nut and carefully eat Kashi Go Lean served with a measuring cup? Do you mix it up? Do you eat cereal for dinner sometimes?

If you were on the '97-'98 LWHS cheer squad (go Kangs) you know what my favorite cereal is because you came over to my house every day in the summer after 8am practice and we ate cereal and watched A Wedding Story before heading out to Stacie's house or Waverly to sunbathe on the dock.

If you can guess or remember the name of my very fav cereal I will write my next post about you (and only say very nice things)* Fire up those brains and write your answer in the comment section. Good luck!

*Prize subject to terms and conditions. The first person to guess correctly will be awarded with a blog post about him or her in which only very nice things will be said. Date and length of post are at author's discretion. No revisions or edits will be made after post is published. Post may contain picture of winner to be chosen by the author. The winner will also receive a box of author's very very favorite cereal. If winner lives in the greater Seattle area, the author might come and eat cereal at winner's house or invite winner to do the same at author's house. Date of cereal eating get-together to be chosen by mutual consent of winner and author. Please note that author only drinks soy milk.

Vote or Die Blog

2009-03-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

This blog is amazing. Aimee and Scott are the blogging power couple. I love it!
**update: I should have posted a link to Aimee's blog. Isn't it great? Keep up the good work guys.

Hey big climber

2009-03-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Betsy and I climbed 69 flights of stairs to the 75th floor of the Columbia Tower. I think we started on floor 5 and there's no floor 13 so the math should work out for the brainiacs reading this. Betsy absolutely smoked me. I didn't see her from floor 10 until the finish. She took off at a steady pace and made it to the top in under 20 minutes. I, on the other hand, had to stop every few floors to catch my breath, make sure I wasn't under cardiac arrest and check to see if my legs were still attached. Luckily, everything was in place and I finished in 30 minutes. I am so grateful to all of you for your generous donations and support. Those of you who donated will receive something in the mail shortly. Those of you who wished me luck and supported me, thank you! I could not have done it without you. Every time I wanted to die (about every other floor) I thought of all the people pulling for me and all the cancer patients and their families that deal with much more difficult struggles every single day.

I think Shelby and all the other talented photographers are laughing at these grainy pics but I wanted to show them to you anyway. Cameras were not allowed so we took these with my phone. Ignore the weird thing my hair is doing and focus on the awesome view. It was a welcome sight!

Jelly Bellies are not smelly jellies

2009-03-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

Um ,what? I even confuse myself with this nonsense sometimes.

Ok, so, there is a tub of Jelly Bellies (would it be Bellys or Bellies? Paging the grammar police) in our lunch room. The tub has 49 flavors of jelly beans and a big spoon inviting you to come try each one. I filled up a Dixie cup and took them to my desk. I then proceeded to try them one at a time and guess the flavor. So far I've tried kiwi, kiwi strawberry, sour kiwi, kiwi pineapple and buttered popcorn. Obviously I suck at this game because they all taste like kiwi. And here's something to consider, I don't even like jelly beans. They all taste like gummy sugar once you eat through the top layer. Then they stick to your teeth. Oh, and it's pointless to guess the flavor by smelling them. They don't smell like anything. Is it possible that I'm so bored I've resorted to mindless jelly bean eating games? I'll be right back, I'm going to try and find a life.

One more reason to love NPR

2009-03-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

NPR is streaming The Decemberists live performance of their new album The Hazards of Love in its entirety tonight in Austin at SXSW (that's South by Southwest to the layperson).

Link up here. You're welcome.

Shave your armpits and put on a party hat. Let's Be Honest turns 1!

2009-03-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

My little blog turns 1 today. I've enjoyed blogging about the past year. A few things happened that were notable, but mainly I just rambled and ranted. Thanks for reading and keep checking in, there is much more to come.

Things that are taking over the universe part II: Snuggee

2009-03-05T12:21:00.000-08:00

As Facebook was slowly seeping its way into every aspect of my life there was another threatening menace right behind it: the Snuggee.
In case you live under a rock, the Snuggee is a blanket with sleeves. It comes in 3 designer colors, royal blue, burgundy and sage green (which looks more like pukey sea foam on the commercial). You can wear it while you knit in your favorite chair. You can wear it while you’re reading a book and if the phone rings you don’t have to look like an idiot doggy paddling your way out of your blanket to answer it. Your whole family can wear it outside while you roast marshmallows over a big gas fire pit. You can also take the fam to the ball game and wear your Snuggees. Your kids will stay warm and still be able to raise their arms to cheer for the home team. Call me silly but isn’t that basically what a coat is for? Does the Snuggee come with a hood to keep your head warm? No? Coat: 1, Snuggee: 0.
Everywhere I go people are talking about the damn Snuggee. It started when Kristi’s boyfriend got her one for Christmas. Then people were talking about it up in Bellingham one weekend. Then I went to dinner at my parent’s house and some of their friends were talking about it. We were talking about it one day in a meeting at work. Then, I saw the commercial for the Snugglette mini Snuggee for kids. After that people started talking about it on Facebook and that’s when my head exploded. Facebook and Snuggee are in cahoots to align and destroy the universe together. I am sure of it.

Bad Littlemeah, bad bad bad

2009-03-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

I have neglected the blog and I apologize, especially after all you've done for me and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I felt like I had all these things to blog about and then when I actually went to do it, the ideas all seemed stupid. I was like, "No, that's dumb. No, they won't care about that. No, that will gross them out." It was blogger's block at its worst.

So, here's something that has been on my mind a lot: Facebook. It might not be a new thing but over the span of a week I am now friends with most of my cousins in Mexico, Dan's brothers, my dad, my mother-in-law and some of my parents friends. Everyone has a freakin Facebook page.
Side note: My co-worker just emailed me that it's snowing. I don't sit by a window and she's in the neighboring building that we call The Annex. I told my cubicle neighbor, and, instead of walking over to a window he picked up his iPhone to verify. What is this world coming to?

Okay, so everyone has a Facebook account. Even the Yakima Fruit Market by my condo has a Facebook page. What?! I didn't know you could be friends with a fruit market. The other day Amy posted this note asking people to write about their favorite memories with her. The thing exploded into all of us writing funny college stories on each other's walls. I was totally laughing about it until I realized that now my dad, some of his friends, Dan's brothers, all my cousins in Mexico and my mother-in-law know I puked all over myself driving home one morning after a long night of drinking. Sweet.

I logged in to check my bank balance this morning and I saw a link to Facebook at the bottom of the page. I looked again and realized it said feedback, not Facebook. If I ever become friends with Bank of America on Facebook I might just have to call it quits.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!

2009-02-23T17:40:00.000-08:00

Remember how I told you Dan got me a sweet sweet Valentine's Day gift? Here it is. I got a box of Fran's Sea Salt Caramels (my favorite) and a box of assorted truffles. Lucky girl! (lucky = fat). He also arranged red roses with white tulips on his own. I thought that was a really nice touch. Don't they look great together? If you're wondering why I have flowers in a water jug it's because I don't have a vase. Sad. But, it's important to note that Dan's uncle cuts crystal and made a set of crystal especially for us when we got married. We chose the shape of one set and the pattern of another. It turned out so nice that they named the new pattern Mariana. And that is not sad at all.

Picture me picketing

2009-02-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

Just so you know, I am on a self imposed blog strike until I raise $500 for the Big Climb. Since I promised I wouldn't ask you for money again in my last post I want to make it clear that I'm not asking you for money. I am just refraining from filling you in on Valentine's weekend in the mountains, the sweet sweet gift Dan got me for V day, my thoughts on He's Just Not That Into You (hint: blech), the big big very important thing that's happening right now, the other big big super important thing that already happened, how I almost thought I had my identity stolen but was misinformed by the bank and was really almost the victim of debit card fraud and other stories, anecdotes and ramblings. Just thought you'd like to know.

Give me some of your money?

2009-01-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

I guess asking for all your money was a bit ambitious. How about just $10? My goal for The Big Climb is to find 50 people to donate $10 each. How about it?

If you hate me (and who can blame you these days) will you consider donating to my teammate Betsy instead? She's also training hard and raising money. Check it out. Please?

Remember that time you staged a sit-in to save the baby Pandas and I pledged 5 dollars for every hour you sat on that cold sidewalk? Or how about the time you biked from Seattle to Billings to raise money for Diabetes research and I sponsored you by buying all your bike shorts? What about that one time I saved all your puppies from the crazy lady with the big hair? What? That was a Disney movie? Oh, yeah - disregard that last one.

The money you pledge will fund vital research to cure Leukemia and Lymphoma. It will also provide a better quality of life for cancer patients and their families. Please consider donating to this good cause. I promise this is the last time I'll ask.

Thank you!

Give me all your money

2009-01-25T19:36:00.001-08:00

I'm unabashedly and blatantly asking you to give me money. It's for a good cause, I promise.

Betsy and I are participating in The Big Climb on March 22nd. We're climbing all 69 flights of stairs to the top of the Columbia Tower. It's 1311 steps and 788 feet of vertical elevation. My dad told me he doesn't think I can do it. Coming from my dad this is pretty harsh. I've decided not only to do it but to raise 500 dollars to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Help me out, I won't forget it. I'll owe you one. Do it for the kids.

Click here to donate and thank you.

Let's talk about what matters: inaugural fashion

2009-01-21T11:28:00.000-08:00

I hated Michelle Obama's "gold" dress. I tried to like it all day but I just couldn't. I don't know if it didn't read well on video or pictures but I thought the color was not flattering on her at all. There was also something about her gloves and shoes that was not right. What do you think?

On the other hand, Jill Biden showed up and said, "Stand back bitches. I've got my f' me boots on and I mean business. PS, my legs are hella skinny"

In my opinion (and I would like to hear if you disagree), little what's her name Obama stole the show in her orange and pink ensemble. Bravo, little Obama. Pick a dog already.

Somewhere in Texas a village got its idiot back

2009-01-20T17:02:00.000-08:00

My Abuelo is the cutest

2009-01-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

I almost started crying today at work when I opened an email from my dad with this picture of my gramps. Abuelo is in his mid 90s and still going strong. He lives in Mexico so I don't get to see him very often but I get weekly updates from my dad and manage to keep tabs on him. Abuelo has become really good friends with a nun named Patty. She comes to his retirement home and they watch movies and she reads to him. I think they also go out for coffee and maybe lunch sometimes too. I haven't met her yet but she sounds great and she's been such a good friend to him. In the picture he's holding squirrels that she brought him from Orlando. I could not resist posting this pic. I had to show you the world's cutest grandpa.

The road to recovery

2009-01-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we finally found out what's wrong with Lola. Turns out she is none of the following:

1. Perfectly fine and very fit

2. Suffering from Avian Tuberculosis

3. Afflicted with Addison's Disease

4. Battling Intestinal Cancer

5. Allergic to her food

6. Emitting gasses due to Inflammatory Bowel Disease

Thankfully none of those things caused her stunning 7 pound weight loss or chronic diarrhea. We found out she has Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. Basically her Pancreas has stopped working. It isn't producing the enzymes necessary to digest food. Therefore, everything she ate was just passing through her. She was literally starving to death. So it made sense that she was trying to eat anything she could find, including cigarette butts, apple cores and (sorry) her own shit.

The solution is simple, we just add a powdered enzyme to her food every day. Unfortunately this stuff smells like baby vomit, sour milk and provolone cheese ground in a pile of shit, eaten by a beaver, shat out and rotting in the woods for 3 weeks. Imagine my excitement to own the world's cuddliest dog.

We are really glad to be able to easily treat her condition and we'd much rather deal with the smell than the disease's ugly symptoms. She's gained about a pound and a half and you can't see the outline of her ribs or her gaunt face (complete with recessed eye sockets).

All is well in Lola land and we are so relieved. Now if we could only train her to stop hogging the bed...

Carolina's 1st birthday

2009-01-06T17:00:00.000-08:00

Today is Carolina's first birthday. I can't believe a year has passed already. It seems like just last week Ana and I were contemplating if her water really had broken and heading to the hospital to be sure. We've had a great year getting to know Carolina and I can't wait to see what the future brings for her. Happy Birthday Little Chicken!!

Babies!

2009-01-05T17:54:00.000-08:00

On December 28th Dan's cousin Richard and his wife Kristen welcomed their adorable baby boy Kellen Anthony. We met him yesterday and he is the sweetest little thing. He has perfectly round ears and beautiful little face. He's super cute.

This morning my friend Lisa gave birth to Ms. Dahlia Ru. I haven't seen pictures of her yet but I'll bet she's beautiful like her mom and dad. I'll post a picture as soon as I get one.

Congrats to the new parents!

New year, old news

2009-01-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

I probably should be posting my resolutions or telling you about my fab New Year's Eve but I have some things to tell you about December of last year. Is that weird that we can call it last year although it was just a few days ago? Time, what a tricky little illusion. I find that posting events and thoughts in list form is satisfying. So, without further rambling, here is the scoop:

1. On December 11th my dad turned 60 and my sister married Mike in the living room of my parent's house. It was all very strange and wonderful. My family has taken to doing weird things with short notice. I am learning to accept this.

2. On December 17th Dan turned 29 and I neglected to write him a happy birthday post. But I bought him Guitar Hero World Tour which is way better than a blog post. It is sweet. You should come over and play in our band, Balsac and Turtle. Yes, it's the weirdest band name ever but it's growing on me. It came about because Dan's band name on the old Guitar Hero was Balsac and I wanted the new band name to be The Turtleheads. Balsac and the Turtleheads takes up too many characters so we had to compromise. Isn't compromise what marriage is all about?

3. I spent December 21st-27th in the warm suns of Mexico. Pictures to follow.

4. Josh and Betsy dog sat Lola while we were gone. I know they did a good job because she showed zero emotion when we picked her up. There might have been a little tail wag but we're not sure. I think she even misses them. Like Big Head Todd says, it's bittersweet.

December was quite eventful and we're looking forward to a quiet January. I will post some pics of all this madness so check back in the next couple of days.
Until then, I wish you all a very happy 2009. I hope the upcoming year is full of laughter and cheese. What else do you need?

Snow Day!

2008-12-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

I love working from home. By working I mean doing laundry, watching TV, blogging, hanging out with Lola and (most importantly) packing for Mexico. I can't wait to hit the beach and leave all this winter behind for a week.

On a somewhat related topic; when we bought this place we really liked the nature preserve that borders the property. I had a feeling it might be an awesome sight in the snow. Turns out I was right.

Damn you humans!

2008-12-08T19:07:00.001-08:00

Dan's parents bought Lola a sweater. We've never put clothes on her before so we weren't sure what to expect. I will be sleeping with one eye open from now on. Have you ever seen a death glare quite like this one? Didn't think so...

Recipe Swap 2008

2008-12-08T18:40:00.001-08:00

I love Shelby's idea for a recipe swap. I didn't grow up eating green bean casserole but a family friend asked me to make one last year. I found Paula Deen's green beans (you have to say it with a Southern accent) and made a few adjustments, mainly for my picky husband who can spot a bit of mushroom from across the room (and complain like a little girl). Here it is, enjoy.

Paula Deen's Green Beans

Ingredients:

2 cups sliced green beans

1/3 stick butter (obv)

1/2 cup diced onions (I use shallots as well)

1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms (optional for wives with picky husbands)

3 cups chicken broth

1 10 ounce can cream of mushroom (substitute cream of chicken to avoid childish whining)

1 can french fried onions (necessary)

salt & pepper to taste

1 cup grated cheddar (delicious)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 F

Melt the butter in a large skillet. Saute the onions (shallots) and mushrooms in the butter. Boil the green beans in chicken broth for 10 minutes and drain. Add the green beans, mushroom (chicken) soup and salt/pepper to the onion mixture. Stir well. Pour into a greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Bake for 20 minutes, then top the casserole with the cheddar and bake for 10 minutes longer, or until the casserole is hot and cheese is melted. Top with french friend onions.

Paula says to stir the french fried onions into the mixture before you bake it but I don't like soggy onions so I just put them on top at the very end.

This recipe also calls for her house seasoning but I've found that salt and pepper work just as well, the soup is really salty so you don't need much.

I usually double the recipe and bake in a big Pyrex.

Bah Humblog

2008-12-02T11:09:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned before that I'm not very fond of Christmas. I don't really hate it, but I certainly don't look forward to it either. I find it all really stressful and fake. I don't want to go on and on about rampant consumerism, greed, my horrible gift wrapping skills, shitty holiday work parties, getting hosed at the annual white elephant exchange or someone who will remain unnamed bitching every year about putting up the tree and then bitching about taking it down. No, I won't go into it. Suffice to say I don't like Christmas because of the crappy music. I blame Mariah Carey...and Starbucks.

So this year we're spending Christmas in Mazatlan and we've enforced a very strict no gift policy. It might be the perfect Christmas. I'll let you know.

Thank You

2008-11-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of Thanksgiving here's my favorite poem, enjoy.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-ee cummings

Speedy Wahines Rule!

2008-11-17T18:18:00.000-08:00

On Sunday Amy, Betsy and I participated in the Winter Pineapple Classic. It's a 5K with obstacles to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Our team name was the Speedy Wahines. I was super nervous, especially since I didn't even show up to the last 5K in May. There are a variety of reasons why I didn't show to the last race such as shin splints, moving into our condo that same weekend and going to a party the night before that involved a kegerator and the game Rock Band (bad combo). I was determined to at least show up to this one. It turned out to be really fun. I ran about 10 seconds of it and walked the rest of the way. Amy and Bets were really patient and waited for me at each obstacle. I was surprised that I could easily scale the walls. The other obstacles were tires, tubes, hay bales and monkey bars. I couldn't reach the monkey bars so I just ran under them. Afterward there was a luau with a free beer garden and live music. Here's a link to some pictures of the obstacles. As soon as I can move my legs again I'll start training to possibly run the whole thing next year.

Little Lola

2008-11-15T21:03:00.001-08:00

Lola went to the groomer today. She's lost so much weight the past few months her ears look huge now that her hair is short. She's a skinny little buddy. I hope she puts on some holiday weight; I know I will.

Before:

After:

Damn you Aniston!

2008-11-13T17:32:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, to get a rise out of my friends, I make an incredibly ugly scary face. It makes Betsy scream and everyone else recoil with disgust. It's pretty damn ugly.

I really wish Jennifer Aniston hadn't ripped off my creepy face on the cover of Vogue. She makes the scary face look, dare I say, pretty.

Unacceptable. Get your own revolting grimace you thief.

**Author's note: I don't have any pictures of myself making the face except this gem from my wedding. It's not straight on but you get the idea. I like calling myself author, sigh, someday, someday...

This post wins the title of best post written by a 20-something Mexican on Veteran's Day in the city of Bellevue

2008-11-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

I find it fantastically annoying the way we count, sort, categorize and keep stats on every little thing that has ever happened. The Guinness Book of World Records used to be an oddity, an interesting catalog of the weird and unlikely. Now, it's just stupid. I don't care how many people dressed up and gathered in a city plaza to dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller. I don't think it's amazing that some kid from Aberdeen can blow up 250 balloons in less than a minute with his right nostril. I also do not care that Mariah Carey is the female artist that has sold the most albums in the pop music category between the years of 1990 and 2008 with butterflies on the cover art according to Billboard. Why do we waste our time finding the "st" (biggest, strongest, smallest, longest, shortest, best, worst, most)?
People, heed my warning.
Re-fucking-lax on the counting. You are all going to become OCD statisticians who crank out volumes of mundane figures and records. Just look at the guys who call baseball games, they're crazytown with numbers and stats. Is that what you want to become? Is it? I didn't think so.

YES WE DID!

2008-11-04T20:50:00.001-08:00

It is an amazing day to be an American.

Halloween and Amy's birthday

2008-11-03T20:08:00.001-08:00

Blogger is so slow today. I've just about lost all patience trying to upload pictures from this weekend. What is everybody blogging about today anyway? What's more important than Halloween pics? Honestly...

Happy Birthday Kristi!

2008-10-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my first friend in Seattle! Have a great time in Boston!

I need your help

2008-10-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

What should I be for Halloween? I only have a few days left to figure it out. Your ideas, suggestions, tips and hints are urgently needed.

These have already been ruled out:
Amy Winehouse
Posh Spice
Anything naughty
Sarah Palin
Banana
Ugly Betty

Another reason to love David Sedaris

2008-10-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

I saw this quote on Perezhilton.com today and I couldn't agree more. And yes, I read celebrity gossip blogs. So?

"I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?" To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters

Mandatory post about fall

2008-10-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

It appears that I, along with every other blogger, love fall. I like the smell of the air on a crisp sunny day in October. I love to be surprised and yanked out of the monotony of my daily commute by a tree-lined street that has quickly and gloriously turned into a masterpiece.
I love bite-sized candy especially Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers and Kit-Kats. I love sweaters, comfy coats and scarves. I like Starbucks apple cider with whipped cream and caramel sauce.
This post wouldn't be complete without a list of the things I hate about fall. You didn't think I was going to leave you on such a precious little note, did you?
I hate things that are pumpkin flavored. Who decided to take a gourd and use its contents to flavor things such as pies and lattes? Bad call, person who invented pumpkin flavored things, bad call.
I hate eggnog. This stems from my days as a barista. Eggnog is nearly impossible to steam. The sound of steaming eggnog is almost as bad as the sound of Christmas music (yes, I hate Christmas music. I'll elaborate in a separate post when the time is right). If it gets too hot it turns to scrambled eggs. If you order an extra hot eggnog latte don't be surprised if it comes with a punch in the face.
I hate trying to figure out what to be for Halloween. Dressing up isn't so bad, it's the thought process that precedes the party that I hate. What will I wear, where do I find it, how do I pull it off? Ugh, too much time and money for something so silly. Amy, I am totally looking forward to your party, don't take it personally.
Mainly, I hate knowing the holidays are "just around the corner". Corporate America thinks the start of fall is a great time to load up the shelves with Christmas decorations and wrapping paper. I have a long and bitter relationship with the holidays. I hope they go as quick as they come.
So there you have a balanced list of things I love and hate about this wonderful season. It's the yin and the yang, if you will. What do you hate about fall? Do you hate that the names of seasons aren't capitalized? Yeah, me too.

Catching up

2008-10-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

I have a few things I want to say, I'm behind on the blogging:
1. Congrats to the Kalamakis family on the birth of beautiful Payton Andrew! I wish you guys the very best and send you lots of love!
2. Congrats to Cynthia and Will on their engagement. What a surprise! I can't wait for the planning and the big day. We're dying to find out where the wedding will be, make a decision immediately!
3. I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccault. Wow was I pissed off after I read the last chapter. Man, talk about a stupid ending. I feel robbed; I spent all this time reading the book only to be slapped in the face in the end. Hated it. hated, hated, hated it.
4. I am eating a Cup Noodles (I thought there was an O in there but apparently not). It's really good. It reminds me of cheap lunches in the student center at LW. Good times. As a side note, it is impossible to gracefully eat noodle soup; it is also impossible to gracefully walk downhill. These are two things I am sure of.
5. I am not so sure what's wrong with my furry friend Lola. After a trip to the emergency vet (cue cash register ringing sound), we think she might have a disease called Addison's. We don't know for sure yet but it's really very sad and expensive. The disease is treatable but it's hard to see our little buddy so sick. I am wondering if I should have kids; some things are really hard to handle.

You, M.D.

2008-09-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

I feel awful. I've had a cough for a couple of weeks but today is the apex of my discomfort so far.
The cough has worsened, I can only take short breaths (I can't take a big deep breath without coughing), my chest feels congested and heavy and I have a little bit of pain like heartburn.
Before I go and do something erratic like go to the doctor I'd like you to take a stab at my diagnosis. Please also include your recommended treatment.

Random + Unexpected = Fantastic

2008-09-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

This morning my very grumpy, ornery 50-something coworker called me into his cubicle. I thought, "oh great, I made another mistake and I'm screwed." Turns out he just wanted me to listen to his favorite song. I was thoroughly expecting Steely Dan, Chicago or Hall and Oates but I got in there and he was dancing and pumping his fist to some new Pink song. He even sang a lyric out loud. It was "I want to fight" or something like that. Hilarious!