Let the wedding season...begin?

The wedding season usually starts in May or June. This year, as Stevie Wonder aptly put it there were, “no wedding Saturdays within the month of June.” Our wedding season started last weekend.

Amy and Taylor’s wedding was beautiful. Of course I drank too much and sent myself to bed around 11. Typical. I also managed to take 1 blurry picture of the bride and groom and 2 pictures of myself looking fat in the dress. So, you won’t get to see Amy’s stunning dress, amazing bird cage veil, fabulous orange flowers and gorgeous bridesmaids. You also won’t see the splendor that is Alderbrook on a perfectly sunny day. Sorry.

There were plenty of shenanigans. There is a large bouquet of flowers on my kitchen counter right now. They were given to me as an, “I’m sorry you had to clean up my puke, tackle me as I tried to run away wearing only boxers and stay up with me all night to make sure I was breathing.” bouquet. Apology accepted.

This weekend we’re off to San Diego for Bryce and Tisha’s wedding. Dan and Bryce went to school together at USC. Dan is looking forward to seeing his friends from school and I’m looking forward to a nice weekend in the sun.

In a couple more weeks we’ll yodel all the way to Leavenworth, everyone’s favorite fake Bavarian village, for a family friend’s wedding. In October we’ll attend our friends Marissa and Ali’s wedding at Newcastle.

As most of you prepare to settle in for fall and winter we’re just getting started with gifts, cards, dresses, cuff links, RSVPs, toasts and dancing.

After the wedding season ends we’ll be headed straight for baby mania. But that’s a post for another day.

Retractions

I have a few corrections to make.

1. My sincerest apologies go out to the scientists and workers that put rounded metal poles into Green Lake in the early '80s. I did not intend to offend them by calling them creepy weirdos and claiming they are the "stuff of which urban legends are made." One piece of advice though, next time you insert anything into a lake that nature can gradually form into a weapon, go back and check a few years later. Do it for the kids.

2. I did indeed look fat in the dress I bought for Amy and Taylor's wedding. The print doesn't lend itself to flattering photographs. I will not post any pictures of myself in this dress. Trust. It didn't look good.

3. I do not consider any of my friends Suzy McFluzy (promiscuous yet lovable). If you think I was referring to you please note that all characters in that post are mere fiction and solely the creation of the author. Any resemblance to an actual person, living or deceased, is purely coincidence.

Rainiohead

There is one band for which I'll gladly stand in the rain to see. Radiohead did not disappoint last night. The played an amazing set. I was completely mesmerized during the entire show. I would tell you all about it but this article sums it up well. I'm bad at writing music reviews so I'll leave it to the pros. Check out the pictures so you can see Thom Yorke wearing some sweet red pants. 

I have to give Dan a huge shout out for not only buying me the tickets but driving me there, buying drinks and dinner and standing in the rain. I've got me one hell of a husband.

I've been waiting for tomorrow for a long time

Tomorrow is the long awaited Radiohead show. I've been in a funk this week, kind of on the verge of crying for a few days. I'm usually not like this but I really hate my job and the shoe world is having its way with me. I'm afraid I'll get to the concert tomorrow and burst into tears at the sight of Thom Yorke and band mates.  It's really a lethal combination, me and my emotions paired with some crazy nonsensical amazing live music. We'll see how it goes. I will try to not totally geek out but I can't promise anything. Reviews to follow...

PS - are you hiring?

Writers, Gather Round

Close your eyes and imagine Tim Gunn saying it, "Designers, gather round." Except it's not Tim Gunn, it's me, and I'm calling you all to gather around me and listen. Listen intently because what I will tell you is paramount to the success and readability of your future blog posts, emails, essays, love notes and manifestos. When you are referring to yourself there is a simple way to decide if you should use me or I. 

If you went to the store with Suzy McFluzy, your promiscuous yet lovable friend, you would say, "Suzy and I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test." If you are posting a picture of yourself and Suzy you would add the caption, "Me and Suzy at Planned Parenthood." 

Here's how you can tell which pronoun to use. Say the sentence to yourself and omit Suzy, she's kind of a skank anyway. Say, "I went to the store to buy wholesome things such as shampoo and nail polish remover." You wouldn't say, "Me went to the store" so you shouldn't say that if Suzy is around either. 

Similarly, if you posted a picture of yourself you would not caption it, "I serving food to the homeless." So if Suzy came to the food kitchen (which I doubt because she's too busy meeting guys she met on Craigslist) you need to use the correct pronoun me if you're talking about the both of you. Get it? Good. 

I don't want to see anymore misused pronouns.

Make it work.

1 year ago today

In no particular order:

1 down, 79 to go

A year ago today I married my BFF Dan. It was an amazing day. Despite the exhaustion from the week leading up to the wedding we managed to have a great time and dance until the DJ said no mas. Our officiant Marta told us we could expect to be married for 80 years with the way people are living so much longer. My sister said we both looked slightly mortified at that moment. I remember laughing and thinking, "good god, is it possible?" Well, I hope so. I would be lucky to be married to Dan for 80 years.
We're celebrating tonight with some vino and tapas at the Woodmark's new wine bar Bin Vivant. Check back in for a review and some wedding pics too.

Listen up

The word height does not have an h on the end. It's pronounced the way it's spelled, with a t sound.

Carry on.

This is a post about fashion

Despite almost 5 years in the fashion industry I know nil about style. My tiny oppressive cubicle borders not only our material department but also PD (product development) where all the six-foot girls in skinny jeans sport designer tank tops every day of the year, travel the world buying shoes and ultimately churn out the designs for the shoes you see at various retailers across the country. I am Ugly Betty. And I don't care. 

It's kind of surprising when I go shopping and find something I think may grant me entry to the fabulous world you stylish people inhabit. I present to you the outfit I bought yesterday to wear to Amy and Taylor's wedding. I had some help thanks to Kristi, Ally, Cyn and Bets. I can't make a decision about what to buy in any circumstance involving fashion so it helps to have good friends to give me honest opinions. 

First, the dress:

Apart from standing up straight, this chick needs to not look fat in the dress, because I don't. 

I have a little bit of the inevitable arm pit fat that sticks out in a strapless dress but I'll do some upper body work on the Wii fit to see if it will go away. I would normally not buy a dress with a big print but this one works to my advantage with the elongating line down the front. 

Next, the bracelet:

It was on sale. 

Finally, the ring: 

I found this little beauty at Forever 21 for $5. Usually I feel an astronaut at the bottom of the ocean when I'm in Forever 21. The name itself mocks me as if to say, you are not 21, not even close sister. We went to the new 2 story FT1 (as I heard a 14 year-old call it) at Southcenter. I walked through the whole thing and even tried some things on. The only thing I came away with was this lovely little ring. I might not wear it to the wedding but it was a fun thing I wanted to show you. 

So there you have it. Feel free to comment and tell me what a great job I did. If you hate it I don't want to know, no reason to feed my insecurities. 

One more thing, I found my soul mate of a purse at Coach. You can buy it for me here. 

Dunns on Films

I am excited to announce that Betsy and Josh have finally gotten their movie review blog up. The Dunners watch every single movie. I'm serious, they've seen every comedy, drama, documentary, mocumentary, horror film and animated movie ever made. They are always talking movies and I have never seen the movie they're talking about. I'm looking forward to reading reviews about what to see and what to skip. I totally trust their taste. They are friends with me, after all.

More chelanigans pictures

Here are some much better pictures the fabulous MOB Rita took.

This is the bride, the lovely bridesmaids, Fabio the sexy little minx, MOB Rita (left) and MOG Marilyn(right).

This is all of the above minus MOG and MOB plus me.

Notice Betsy making googly eyes at Fabio. Love it!

Chelanigans

This weekend we went to Lake Chelan for Amy’s bachelorette party. I was really happy that I didn’t spill the beans and tell her where we were going. I live with my foot in my mouth but managed to keep the secret this time. Amy was adamant that she didn’t want a stripper so we made due with a life-sized cardboard Fabio. He was the guest of honor and didn’t disappoint. There were a few highlights that can be summed up in two quotes,
“rock out with your guac out” (see picture below) and the official quote of the weekend:
“Take your pants off and redeem yourself”

I am a shitty photographer so here are a couple of grainy images. If you took pics this weekend please send them to me so I can put them in the slideshow.

Uncorked, Kirkland's most expensive meat market

I guess I’ve been out of the loop for a while but when did downtown Kirkland become Western Washington’s greasiest meat market? I haven’t seen that many muscle tees, tanned biceps (complete with tribal armband tattoos) and spiky frosted tips since, um, oh the last time I was in Kirkland, right, nevermind.

For $20 we got 10 wine-tasting tokens, a midgie-sized souvenir wine glass and the chance to rub elbows with Kirkland’s most perfumed cougars and frat boys. The organizers of this fine event forgot to mention that most of the tastings would actually set you back 2 or 3 tokens, so by the time we went and purchased additional tokens we had spent about $60 for just a few stringently measured 1 oz. pours. A Saturday night of expensive mediocre wine and dreamy singles running amok was just a little more than I could handle.

The good news: there were a few tasty wines and the weather was fantastic. Overall we enjoyed ourselves, although we went home feeling slightly ripped-off.

As promised here are some pics:

I have a dream

Actually, I have a goal; it's not a dream so much. Every time I do something fun I promise myself I'm going to take pictures and blog about it. I would like this blog to be a nice balance of posts, right now it's just a bunch of my random musings and nonsense/jibber-jabber/shenanigans. I rarely post about the fun things I do and right now, it the middle of summer, there are lots of outings and adventures to show you. So here is my list of events about which to post. I figure if I tell you in advance I'll feel a bit of obligation to follow through. 

1. Kirkland Uncorked Wine Festival - tonight, really looking forward to it.

2. Amy Jane's bachelorette party next weekend in an undisclosed location - fine we're going to Wild Waves, you got it out of me. 

3. Dan's brothers are coming out in August with their families, there will also be a Kiene family reunion in North Bend. After the reunion we'll all head up to Bellingham. It will be the first time we're all together up there, should be fun.

4. Our 1 year anniversary. As of yet we don't have plans but hopefully we'll go out to a nice dinner or something.

5. Radiohead - I hope it's as good as I've made it out to be in my overactive mind. I may cry, we'll see.

6. Amy and Taylor's wedding at Alderbrook.

After all these things happen we'll be peering around the corner to fall. I'm hoping to relive last year's Cave B wine tasting excursion. I would also really like to take Carolina to the pumpkin patch and do all the fun fall things you do when there are little kids in your life. I'll have to talk to Ana, she is not privy to the plans I've made with her daughter, probably should check first, huh?

Ok, I think that's plenty to blog about. Stay tuned....

Looking for a place?

My sis is selling her condo. Check it out here. You should buy it. 

and the most disturbing crime of the year award goes to...

Dear person who put sharpened metal spikes in Green Lake,

Congratulations, you are officially the creepiest weirdo in Seattle. You hold the title for the most malicious and creative way to injure an innocent citizen. I must inquire about your sneaky methods. How did you manage to go unnoticed and put not 1, not 2, but an astounding 50 metal spikes in the lake? Is your handy work performed in the dark of the night? Do you operate on dreary winter days when Green Lake is sparsely visited? I am intrigued and disgusted by your hobby. I am sure the Seattle Police and the Parks Department will find you. When they do, I hope they take you to a dark hole somewhere and stab you with your own weapons. You are the stuff of which urban legends are made, and that’s not a good thing.

Years ago, when I was naïve impressionable teenager, I was told there were tether ball poles in Lake Washington under I-90. When naïve and impressionable teenagers went seeking a thrill in the heat of the summer they would go out to the bridge and hurl themselves to certain impalement. In the core of my young brain I knew this to be false, but I kind of believed it. After hearing of your little escapade to Green Lake I think maybe the tether ball pole myth might be true after all. Either way, I’m not about to go jumping off a bridge or swimming in Green Lake anytime in the near future.

So thanks, creepy weirdo. Thanks for making us all think twice before doing something so simple as swimming in our city’s refreshing waterways. Thanks for making me doubt reason and common sense when I hear a silly urban legend. Thanks for sending chills up and down my spine on the way to work this morning. Run fast, creepy weirdo; hide well, because when they manage to find you I’m sure you’re in some deep shit.

Sincerely,
Me

Happy Birthday Mike!

We hope you have a fabulous day!

What happens in Kenmore...

Dan went to Vegas this weekend and I wasn't invited. I've been plotting ways to stick it to him and here's what I'm gonna do:

1. Beat all his Wii Fit records, especially the ski jump so he'll come home and feel the same as every time I whoop him in bowling.
2. Teach Lola a new trick that she'll only do for me. Suck it Dan.
3. Watch all his Tivo'd shows and erase them. When he's back I'll only tell him about the first half of each episode and say, "I guess you'll just have to catch a rerun".
4. Do my laundry and leave his dirty clothes in the hamper, sucks going into work on Monday smelling bad.
5. Cook up his favorite meal and store no leftovers.

Who am I kidding? That list is just a bunch of thinly veiled chores and pitiful sessions of gluttony and revenge. I will do none of the above. I hope he wins big because at the very least he'll owe me a nice dinner out.

A to Z

Stass McGrass tagged me, this is for all you Little Meah lovers out there, and I know you are abundant:

A- available? Negative, Dan has beat you to it.
B- Best Friend? Yeah, tons, I'm really popular
C- Cake or pie? Both, nom nom nom
D - Drink of choice? Gin and Tonic, Jaeger Red Bull, Water during the week
E - Essential thing used everyday? Lots of things, toothbrush, car, computer, fork, etc, etc...
F- Favorite color? Don't have one
G- Gummi bears or worms? I'm not a fan of gummy candy
H- Hometown? Tulsa, OK and Kirkland, WA
I - indulgence? Starbucks, cheese, Banana Republic Petites
J- January or February? February- I love Valentine's Day
L- Life? Doesn't suck
M- Marriage date? August 11th
N- Number of siblings?One, Ana Beatriz
O- Oranges or Apples? Fuji apples
P- Phobias? Some social situation freak me out
Q - Quote? "You can't polish a turd"
R- Reason to smile? There are tons, where do I start? I recently smiled big time reading a new post about Carolina
S- Season? Summer
T- Tag three (4) people - Ana, Shannon and Bobby, I don't know anybody else that hasn't already been tagged...
U - Unknown fact about me? I was really tall once but I got this crazy bacterial infection and they had to remove the bottom halves of my legs. They got this amazing Swedish plastic surgeon to reattach my feet, you can't even tell.
V- Vegetables you do not like? Cauliflower, ewwww
W- Worst habits? Not calling back
X- X-rays you have had? Teeth
Y- your favorite food? Cheese
Z - Zodiac Sign? Cancer

Stupid Names. A play in 1 act.

Person 1: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have named their daughter. She was born on Saturday and they named her Sunday.
Person 2: So what’s her name?
Person 1: I guess it’s Sunday.
Person 2: No, today is Monday, so what’s the baby’s name?
Person 1: They named her Sunday.
Person 2: Right, I get it, so what did they name her?
Person 1: They gave her the name Sunday.
Person 2: OK, I understand they named her Sunday, but what is her name?
Person 1: I’m telling you; it’s Sunday.
Person 2: No, get a calendar, it’s Monday, what is the baby’s f’ing name?
Person 1: I give up…