Somewhere in Texas a village got its idiot back

My Abuelo is the cutest

I almost started crying today at work when I opened an email from my dad with this picture of my gramps. Abuelo is in his mid 90s and still going strong. He lives in Mexico so I don't get to see him very often but I get weekly updates from my dad and manage to keep tabs on him. Abuelo has become really good friends with a nun named Patty. She comes to his retirement home and they watch movies and she reads to him. I think they also go out for coffee and maybe lunch sometimes too. I haven't met her yet but she sounds great and she's been such a good friend to him. In the picture he's holding squirrels that she brought him from Orlando. I could not resist posting this pic. I had to show you the world's cutest grandpa.

The road to recovery

A few weeks ago we finally found out what's wrong with Lola. Turns out she is none of the following:

1. Perfectly fine and very fit

2. Suffering from Avian Tuberculosis 

3. Afflicted with Addison's Disease

4. Battling Intestinal Cancer

5. Allergic to her food

6. Emitting gasses due to Inflammatory Bowel Disease

Thankfully none of those things caused her stunning 7 pound weight loss or chronic diarrhea. We found out she has Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. Basically her Pancreas has stopped working. It isn't producing the enzymes necessary to digest food. Therefore, everything she ate was just passing through her. She was literally starving to death. So it made sense that she was trying to eat anything she could find, including cigarette butts, apple cores and (sorry) her own shit. 

The solution is simple, we just add a powdered enzyme to her food every day. Unfortunately this stuff smells like baby vomit, sour milk and provolone cheese ground in a pile of shit, eaten by a beaver, shat out and rotting in the woods for 3 weeks. Imagine my excitement to own the world's cuddliest dog. 

We are really glad to be able to easily treat her condition and we'd much rather deal with the smell than the disease's ugly symptoms. She's gained about a pound and a half and you can't see the outline of her ribs or her gaunt face (complete with recessed eye sockets). 

All is well in Lola land and we are so relieved.  Now if we could only train her to stop hogging the bed...

Carolina's 1st birthday

Today is Carolina's first birthday. I can't believe a year has passed already. It seems like just last week Ana and I were contemplating if her water really had broken and heading to the hospital to be sure. We've had a great year getting to know Carolina and I can't wait to see what the future brings for her. Happy Birthday Little Chicken!!

Babies!

On December 28th Dan's cousin Richard and his wife Kristen welcomed their adorable baby boy Kellen Anthony. We met him yesterday and he is the sweetest little thing. He has perfectly round ears and beautiful little face. He's super cute.

This morning my friend Lisa gave birth to Ms. Dahlia Ru. I haven't seen pictures of her yet but I'll bet she's beautiful like her mom and dad. I'll post a picture as soon as I get one.

Congrats to the new parents!

New year, old news

I probably should be posting my resolutions or telling you about my fab New Year's Eve but I have some things to tell you about December of last year. Is that weird that we can call it last year although it was just a few days ago? Time, what a tricky little illusion. I find that posting events and thoughts in list form is satisfying. So, without further rambling, here is the scoop:

1. On December 11th my dad turned 60 and my sister married Mike in the living room of my parent's house. It was all very strange and wonderful. My family has taken to doing weird things with short notice. I am learning to accept this.

2. On December 17th Dan turned 29 and I neglected to write him a happy birthday post. But I bought him Guitar Hero World Tour which is way better than a blog post. It is sweet. You should come over and play in our band, Balsac and Turtle. Yes, it's the weirdest band name ever but it's growing on me. It came about because Dan's band name on the old Guitar Hero was Balsac and I wanted the new band name to be The Turtleheads. Balsac and the Turtleheads takes up too many characters so we had to compromise. Isn't compromise what marriage is all about?

3. I spent December 21st-27th in the warm suns of Mexico. Pictures to follow.

4. Josh and Betsy dog sat Lola while we were gone. I know they did a good job because she showed zero emotion when we picked her up. There might have been a little tail wag but we're not sure. I think she even misses them. Like Big Head Todd says, it's bittersweet.

December was quite eventful and we're looking forward to a quiet January. I will post some pics of all this madness so check back in the next couple of days.
Until then, I wish you all a very happy 2009. I hope the upcoming year is full of laughter and cheese. What else do you need?

Snow Day!

I love working from home. By working I mean doing laundry, watching TV, blogging, hanging out with Lola and (most importantly) packing for Mexico. I can't wait to hit the beach and leave all this winter behind for a week. 

On a somewhat related topic; when we bought this place we really liked the nature preserve that borders the property. I had a feeling it might be an awesome sight in the snow. Turns out I was right. 

Damn you humans!

Dan's parents bought Lola a sweater. We've never put clothes on her before so we weren't sure what to expect. I will be sleeping with one eye open from now on. Have you ever seen a death glare quite like this one? Didn't think so...

Recipe Swap 2008

I love Shelby's idea for a recipe swap. I didn't grow up eating green bean casserole but a family friend asked me to make one last year. I found Paula Deen's green beans (you have to say it with a Southern accent) and made a few adjustments, mainly for my picky husband who can spot a bit of mushroom from across the room (and complain like a little girl). Here it is, enjoy.

Paula Deen's Green Beans

Ingredients:

2 cups sliced green beans

1/3 stick butter (obv)

1/2 cup diced onions (I use shallots as well)

1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms (optional for wives with picky husbands)

3 cups chicken broth

1 10 ounce can cream of mushroom (substitute cream of chicken to avoid childish whining)

1 can french fried onions (necessary)

salt & pepper to taste

1 cup grated cheddar (delicious)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 F

Melt the butter in a large skillet. Saute the onions (shallots) and mushrooms in the butter. Boil the green beans in chicken broth for 10 minutes and drain. Add the green beans, mushroom (chicken) soup and salt/pepper to the onion mixture. Stir well. Pour into a greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Bake for 20 minutes, then top the casserole with the cheddar and bake for 10 minutes longer, or until the casserole is hot and cheese is melted. Top with french friend onions. 

Paula says to stir the french fried onions into the mixture before you bake it but I don't like soggy onions so I just put them on top at the very end.

This recipe also calls for her house seasoning but I've found that salt and pepper work just as well, the soup is really salty so you don't need much. 

I usually double the recipe and bake in a big Pyrex. 

Bah Humblog

I've mentioned before that I'm not very fond of Christmas. I don't really hate it, but I certainly don't look forward to it either. I find it all really stressful and fake. I don't want to go on and on about rampant consumerism, greed, my horrible gift wrapping skills, shitty holiday work parties, getting hosed at the annual white elephant exchange or someone who will remain unnamed bitching every year about putting up the tree and then bitching about taking it down. No, I won't go into it. Suffice to say I don't like Christmas because of the crappy music. I blame Mariah Carey...and Starbucks.

So this year we're spending Christmas in Mazatlan and we've enforced a very strict no gift policy. It might be the perfect Christmas. I'll let you know.

Thank You

In the spirit of Thanksgiving here's my favorite poem, enjoy.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-ee cummings

Speedy Wahines Rule!

On Sunday Amy, Betsy and I participated in the Winter Pineapple Classic. It's a 5K with obstacles to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Our team name was the Speedy Wahines. I was super nervous, especially since I didn't even show up to the last 5K in May. There are a variety of reasons why I didn't show to the last race such as shin splints, moving into our condo that same weekend and going to a party the night before that involved a kegerator and the game Rock Band (bad combo). I was determined to at least show up to this one. It turned out to be really fun. I ran about 10 seconds of it and walked the rest of the way. Amy and Bets were really patient and waited for me at each obstacle. I was surprised that I could easily scale the walls. The other obstacles were tires, tubes, hay bales and monkey bars. I couldn't reach the monkey bars so I just ran under them. Afterward there was a luau with a free beer garden and live music. Here's a link to some pictures of the obstacles. As soon as I can move my legs again I'll start training to possibly run the whole thing next year.

Little Lola

Lola went to the groomer today. She's lost so much weight the past few months her ears look huge now that her hair is short. She's a skinny little buddy. I hope she puts on some holiday weight; I know I will.

Before:

After:

Damn you Aniston!

Occasionally, to get a rise out of my friends, I make an incredibly ugly scary face. It makes Betsy scream and everyone else recoil with disgust. It's pretty damn ugly. 

I really wish Jennifer Aniston hadn't ripped off my creepy face on the cover of Vogue. She makes the scary face look, dare I say, pretty. 

Unacceptable. Get your own revolting grimace you thief.

**Author's note: I don't have any pictures of myself making the face except this gem from my wedding. It's not straight on but you get the idea. I like calling myself author, sigh, someday, someday...

This post wins the title of best post written by a 20-something Mexican on Veteran's Day in the city of Bellevue

I find it fantastically annoying the way we count, sort, categorize and keep stats on every little thing that has ever happened. The Guinness Book of World Records used to be an oddity, an interesting catalog of the weird and unlikely. Now, it's just stupid. I don't care how many people dressed up and gathered in a city plaza to dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller. I don't think it's amazing that some kid from Aberdeen can blow up 250 balloons in less than a minute with his right nostril. I also do not care that Mariah Carey is the female artist that has sold the most albums in the pop music category between the years of 1990 and 2008 with butterflies on the cover art according to Billboard. Why do we waste our time finding the "st" (biggest, strongest, smallest, longest, shortest, best, worst, most)?
People, heed my warning.
Re-fucking-lax on the counting. You are all going to become OCD statisticians who crank out volumes of mundane figures and records. Just look at the guys who call baseball games, they're crazytown with numbers and stats. Is that what you want to become? Is it? I didn't think so.

YES WE DID!

It is an amazing day to be an American. 

Halloween and Amy's birthday

Blogger is so slow today. I've just about lost all patience trying to upload pictures from this weekend. What is everybody blogging about today anyway? What's more important than Halloween pics? Honestly...

Happy Birthday Kristi!

Happy Birthday to my first friend in Seattle! Have a great time in Boston!

I need your help

What should I be for Halloween? I only have a few days left to figure it out. Your ideas, suggestions, tips and hints are urgently needed.

These have already been ruled out:
Amy Winehouse
Posh Spice
Anything naughty
Sarah Palin
Banana
Ugly Betty

Another reason to love David Sedaris

I saw this quote on Perezhilton.com today and I couldn't agree more. And yes, I read celebrity gossip blogs. So? 

"I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?" To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters