2009 In Review

The year is ending, and oh what a year we've had dear readers. We started with Ms. Carolina turning one, I remember baking a gazillion cupcakes for her party. On her actual birthday, the Epiphany, we ate Rosca de Reyes (did I spell it right Mom?) and I found the little plastic baby Jesus inside. Happy day! Whoever finds the little plastic baby Jesus has to throw a party so I had everyone over the next month to watch the Super Bowl, naturally.

There was a very memorable Valentine's Day Dinner Club with my besties. We exchanged valentines and Betsy gave us all scratch tickets. I was really excited until I realized they were romantic scratch tickets that she bought by accident at Target, they weren't real. So I'm still waiting for my candlelit dinner and backrub that she owes me but I will forgive her the debt if she buys me a real scratch ticket this year.

In March I conquered 1311 steps to the top of the Columbia Tower. You all contributed to my fundraising efforts and for that I am eternally grateful. So grateful in fact that I will not ask you for money next year.

I can't remeber anything that happened in April except that I forgot to wish my friend Adam a happy birthday on the 29th. Sorry Big Herm, let me know what the plans are for this year and happy very belated birthday to you dear friend. Oh wait, my friend Ally had little baby Carson and her daughter Ava turned 3. I get to see them this weekend (hooray!) How could I forget that?!

It was a quiet May with just a few dinners and one memorable Mariner's game.

In June I threw my sister a bachelorette party and danced the robot. We also spent a weekend camping at Alta Lake, one of my favorite yearly traditions. It says here on my calendar there was a half marathon on the 27th. Clearly I did not participate but found it necessary to pencil it in under the delusion that I would actually go. Sometimes I surprise myself with absurd ambition.

July saw my 28th year vanish and my sister got married again (to the same man), it can be confusing, I know.
Dan's neice Chloe had a bone marrow transplant and she is doing very well now, thank goodness.

In August we celebrated Cynthia's pending nuptuals with a bachelorette party in Desert Aire. It was very fun.

September brought said nuptuals in the beautiful city of Santa Fe. I would be happy never eating green chile sauce again.

In October we saw U2 in Canada and my friends Amy and Kristi turned 30.

Don't worry, there are only two more months and I'll wrap it up.

November brought a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner at our friends Tim and Michele's place. This is where I brought the ill fated Williams Sonoma Oreo Cookie cake. Nobody ate it, just as I suspected they wouldn't.
The real Thanksgiving in Bellingham was delicious sans dessert catastrophe. Just how Thanksgiving should be.

Finally here we are in December. The month of good tidings and getting showered with gifts. So I present to you my new car. I just got it yesterday and I'm super excited to drive it everywhere. I hope you have pleasant memories of 2009, that you leave it satisfied and with very few regrets. May your 2010 be prosperous and wonderful and may you be showered with roses and kisses by magical fairy unicorn hybrids. I had to add that last bit because the whole thing was getting a bit cheesy, don't you think?
Have a great New Year's and I will return in 2010 with a list of resolutions to get my ass and bank account in shape.

KitchenAid Users Rejoice

You know when you're mixing something in your KitchenAid and you have to stop every few minutes to scrape the bowl down? It's annoying, right? You will be happy to know that some genius has invented a paddle attachment with silicone wings that scrapes the bowl down for you. Brilliant! It's called the Beater Blade and you can read about it here. I bought mine at Crate and Barrel and I can't wait to try it out when I make a tasty Christmas dessert. I'm thinking about making my award winning* mocha cheesecake, I'll let you know how it goes.

*"award winning" refers to award given at Topline Corp/Report Footwear Inc.'s annual Valentine's Day baking contest 2008. Award was given to my mocha cheesecake in the category of best tasting. I did not rig the votes or pay people to vote for me although there weren't a ton of entries that year and I may or may not have voted for myself.

Holidays and Hooch

Holidays and Hooch was the official name of the cocktail party we went to on Saturday. It was graciously hosted by the soon-to-be Hermans and the Mastans. They asked everybody to bring a bottle of booze (hooch, if you will) and hired a bartender for the evening. You know what happens when somebody else is mixing your drinks. You know, you drink just as much as you would otherwise. Just sayin', we all had our fair share. Here are some pics of the lovely ladies in attendance*. I had to post the pic of new mom Keri and her twin for the evening Betsy. Gotta love showing up in the same dress! Luckily there is no catiness here, just a lot of laughs.

Although I act the Grinch/Scrooge around the holidays I do really love get-togethers like this. This time of the year is a great time to reflect on the special people in your life. I am lucky to have such great friends.

*Pictures courtesy of Marissa via Facebook. I am such a picture thief.

Opinions Welcome

I bought this dress today, cute, no? I don't love the way they've styled it for the website; I'm not into those tights. What do you think?

It might also be the strange look on the model's face or her hair that's throwing me off, not sure. But I'll tell you this: for our only cocktail party of the season I invested in some rollers, super crazy volume hair spray and a decorative hair accessory. If it turns out ok I'll post pics. I hope you all have a fun weekend!

Good Catch Anonymous!

In my haste to tell you about Num Nums I made a big mistake; one that drives me crazy when other people do it. Tsk, tsk, never let your emotions sidetrack you from the laws of grammar. Thank you Mr. or Ms. Anonymous for pointing it out. I appreciate it.
In my post below it should say, "Dan and I" not, "Me and Dan". Shame!
I guess since we're talking grammar I should mention I am confounded by punctutaion when using quotation marks. I never get it right. Does anyone have a quick summary of how this is done?

Found!

Captured: Elusive Num Nums
Found at Fred Meyer 12/1/09, snagged by my new hero, the savior of a child's Christmas dreams, the one and only #1 Dunner (aka Josh).
He really came through for me today and threw some elbows at a few parents that were foaming at the mouth. He dove in and snagged this beautiful thing:

I owe him huge time. I'll have to think of the perfect thank you gift, I did offer a reward after all. Maybe a year's worth of movie tickets, hmm, I'll really have to think about this one. Chloe is going to be so happy. Me and Dan win best aunt and uncle this year, yesssssss.

Wanted!

REWARD!
HAMSTER WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE STUFFED

Elusive grey stuffed hamster, responds to the name Numnums
3" tall, .4lbs
Identifying marks: white heart on back, pink plastic nose, beady little eyes
Considered extremely cuddly, hard to find, is known to make rare appearances during holiday sales at discount department stores. Beware the throngs of elbow throwing adults if Numnums is spotted. Proceed with caution.

Is It January Yet?

It's the most wonderful time of the year! And by wonderful I mean stressful and cold and filled with greedy consumerism and the brain numbing sounds of Mariah Carey singing Christmas music and overworked baristas steaming eggnog. Kill me now.

Dan's super adorable niece Chloe really really wants a Zhu Zhu hamster pet for Christmas. She wants the grey one named Numnums with the white heart on his back. So we decided to buy her one. Not so fast. I quickly Googled it and found one on Amazon. All was well, right? Um, no. Thank goodness we called Dan's brother Mike to make sure which one she wanted because he was surprised to hear that we had found one and quickly alerted us to the fact that they normally only cost $10. So how much was I about to fork over for a small stuffed hamster with a funny name? 64 bucks. That's right, I was about to get completely taken by some enterprising seller on Amazon who saw an early trend and snatched up as many Zhu Zhus as she could and is now sitting on a big pile of money and laughing. Sweet.

And this is a perfect example of why I don't like Christmas: the fact that somebody is likely going to get trampled and die at WalMart on Friday over a stuffed toy. It's sad, just sad.

Kitchen Fail (unless the goal was to bake a cake that looks like a pile of shit)

Dear Williams Sonoma,

 I think it is totally unaceptable for you to send me a catalog with a picture of this and imply that I can recreate it at home.

You need to add a disclaimer that novice bakers and otherwise failures in the kitchen need to avoid such projects that will leave them with four totally shitty looking chocolate cakes that do not even remotely resemble an Oreo cookie. Please refrain from luring me into your store with pretty pictures of beautiful feasts.

Sincerely,
Me

You Can Now Cut Me With a Rusty Knife

Sorry for my absence. I was recovering from Bronchitis and the weirdest ailment yet, a bad reaction to a Tetanus shot. I went to the doctor on Friday after Operation Pho did not work in evicting Mr. Mucus from my chest cavity. The friendly nurse persuaded me to get a Tetanus shot since I was approximately 26 years overdue for one. I resisted, after all, you can get a Tetanus shot when you really need it: at the emergency room. However, she dazzled me with talk of "the new Tetanus shot" that also protects against Whooping Cough and bad hair days. So I caved. Cut to Saturday morning when I wake up and can't move my arm. For the next couple days my arm was a heavy log hanging from my shoulder, unable to operate. I also had a fever and a bad case of the whinies (sorry Dan). By Monday I could move my arm but it still hurt. Today I still have some swelling but it feels much better. The moral of this story is: don't let the nurse or the doctor up sell you. They are a business too but they benefit from the advantage of scaring you with threats to your health. If you go in for Bronchitis, don't leave with a Tetanus shot. Lesson learned.

I wasn't looking for a tenant

Somebody has moved in. He's big, smelly, green and disgusting. It's this guy:

He moved into my chest cavity last night and is currently flipping channels with his feet up. I took some Mucinex this morning in an eviction attempt but he's a stubborn tenant and so far is refusing to vacate. I think operation Pho might do the trick. I'll let you know.

2 birthdays + 1 holiday = busy weekend

Happy 30th birthdays Amy and Kristi! Two of my favorite people turned 30 this weekend, Kristi on Halloween and Amy the day after. I hope you guys had a great weekend and lots of fun at your parties.

Amy is the blonde one. Check out the adorable dress, so appropriate no? Love it.

Picture courtesy of my FB photo-robbing skills.

Here's the recently engaged Kristi before she went to the dark side. Relax, I'm talking about her hair, it's black now.

I love you both and can't wait for what the future has in store for all of us. Weddings, houses, maybe babies? We'll see...

Skinny? Not So Much

I thought I would get away with not posting anything about the skinny jeans I bought on Friday. But Amber, you are an observant one, so here's the post.

After a few years of contemplating and procrastinating, I finally broke down and bought a pair of skinny jeans. I realize skinny jeans are no novelty and nothing new but it took me a long time to catch up to this trend. Let's not get carried away and think I'm actually going to post a picture of myself in the jeans, that would be silly. Instead I'll show you this (picture them minus the rolled bottom):

and this:



and tell you I wore them together with a simple black top. Satisfied?

U2 at BC Place: A for Effort

On Wednesday we went to Vancouver with the Dunns to drink in milliliters, drive in kilometers, pay in loonies and toonies, get stuck in horrendous Canadian traffic for no reason at all and, oh, right, to see U2 live at BC Place. We had dinner reservations at Brix but sadly did not make it because the guy in charge of deciding which lanes to open in the George Massey tunnel was drunk and high and clearly not doing his job. Side note - Dan and his parents were in a horrible car accident in said Massey tunnel. A drunk, high, stupid, moron gang banger was going many many kilometers per hour and rear ended Dan's parent's car. His little gangbangermobile flipped and started bouncing back and forth across the tunnel, repeatedly hitting each wall. He was sliding so fast Dan's dad had to hit the brakes to avoid hitting him. It was awful, this idiot and his gang banger girlfriend bloodied and hanging upside down by their seat belts in the dark tunnel. Scary. We generally don't like the George Massey tunnel and the scary things that happen there so it was really unfortunate that commuting Canadians and concert going Americans had to sit for over two hours to get through the tunnel which was closed down to one lane. Ugh.
After much hand wringing we finally got into town, checked into our hotel, had a few drinks and ate dinner. By the time we made it into BC Place I was ready to dance, sing and, of course, march around to "Sunday Bloody Sunday". Alas, it was not to be. Although U2 put amazing energy into the performance I came away from the concert with a bit of complacency and disappointment. The stage, albeit elaborate and expensive, was overdone. There was a giant screen in the middle that was pretty cool but it made me feel like I was watching a music video. Instead of watching the actual band members, I kept catching myself watching the screen. No offense guys but I didn't drive all that way to watch a video, you know? Also, they played way way way too much new stuff. Let's get real here for a minute. How much new U2 have you heard? What's that? Hardly any? Yeah, me too. Oh yeah and the rest of the people at the concert too. You could immediately feel the energy drain from the venue as soon as they started to play a new song that nobody knew. I wish they had played more hits and kept us on our feet and dancing.

I'm not negative Nancy; I do have to give big kudos to all 4 band members. They are what, about 50 now? Their enthusiasm and charisma was incredible. They kept the political messages to a bearable amount and did not waver in their energy. I appreciate the fact that they've been playing together for years and still manage to keep their show fresh and look like they enjoy each other's company. Well done gentlemen.

Here's a picture of the stage that I stole off of Google Images, it was pretty intense, with moving bridges and lots of lights. I would recommend you go see them at Qwest Field in June if you get the chance but you should definitely hit up iTunes first and catch up on the new stuff, you'll need it.

By The Way

I found this coat at FCUK in Vancouver and I did not buy it. It fit like a dream, a dream.



Do with this info what you will.

Just Checking In

We are back from the mid-week Canadian U2 excursion. Isaac Brock says, "Opinions were like kittens, I was givin' em away." That's how I feel about the show. I have many opinions and you'll hear them all, but not today. I'm just posting real quick like to let you know that two of my bfs turn 30 this weekend so I am busy busy. PS - bfs stands for best friends not boyfriends. My two boyfriends don't turn 30 for a few more years. Kidding. I'll be back on Sunday with a concert review, tips on how to not lose your shit during Canadian rush hour traffic, pics from Amy and Kristi's big days and a peek at my first foray into skinny jeans (maybe). Until then I hope you have a fab Halloween weekend.

Apostrophiasco

Hey people please read and heed: the apostrophe does not pluralize.

If you caption a photo with a family name, say, the Smiths, you don't need an apostrophe. The apostrophe denotes possession so you would only use it if you were talking about something that belongs to the Smiths.

Correct:

I heard about Judy Smith's new Mercedes. It cost more than my condo.

Incorrect:

Let's invite the Smith's over for a barbecue. Sam loves my deviled eggs.

WRONG! So very wrong.

Please, no more pictures captioned, "The Hoover's" or, "The Reagan's". Please!

A note to my coworker, the plural of box is boxes, not box's. The plural of shelf is shelves, not shelf's. Got it?

The Amazing Chicken

Do you watch The Amazing Race? If you don't, catch up on what happened last night here. Basically this girl Mika and her bf Canaan were eliminated from the race because she got the scareds and wouldn't go down a big water slide. To her credit, I remember a water slide like that at the Big Splash water park in Tulsa called The Silver Bullet. Granted, I was just a little thing back then, but it looked huge and menacing and I would absolutely not even remotely consider thinking about considering going down it. I discussed this at length with Dan last night and we concluded that we would both go down the slide, skydive and/or bungee jump for a chance at a million dollars. He said he would definitely eat nasty things. I'm still on the fence with that one.

So, here's what I'm thinking about today as my inbox fills up and I avoid work: what fear would cripple me so badly that I would give up a chance at a mil? It's a tough question because you don't really know for sure what you will and won't do until you're actually there. Until the fall of 2002 I didn't think I would ever jump out of an airplane; and I've done it twice now so hooray for me. The thought of bungee jumping scares the bejeezers out of me but I think if I absolutely had to, I would do it.

So what would you just not do? What makes you put your foot down and say, "oh hells no"?

Idle hands

I love to waste time. It's one of my favorite things to do. Is the sink full of dirty dishes? Yeah, but I'd rather play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook. Does the dog need to pee? Sure, but I want to see what Kandi's mom says at the engagement party (don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about). Is the bathroom so dirty that there are mysterious life forms growing that resemble alien communities on distant planets? You bet, but I'm busy playing Sheep Launcher on my phone. Do you procrastinate? I think you need to take a hard look at your life and stop getting so much done. You're really blowing through that to do list like a motivated A-type with OCD and a subscription to Martha Stewart Living. Sit down and click on these links. These are some of my favorite time-wasters.

Do you like to browse Etsy? If you do, check out Regretsy. In case you're in a hurry I've found the best items for you here and here.

Texts From Last Night makes me feel old and yearn for crazy nights out in college.

I don't yearn for bargain shopping when I visit People of Walmart. Looking at this site makes me crave a treadmill and a shower.

I think twice about my Facebook posts after reading what these people have to say.

According to Michael Stipe, everybody hurts. You'll know it's true when you read these stories.

Ok, is the dryer full of clothes and the oven timer beeping? Good.

What other sites eat up your time? Send me the link, the dog can walk her own damn self.

Green juice: it's so healthy you can stop washing your hands

Totally kidding about not washing your hands, please continue to wash them often.

Take a look at the goodness I'm about to put into my body:

Check out my new blender. I was holding out for a Vitamix but that's not in the budget right now so this pretty KitchenAid will do. I'm accepting name suggestions. So far I'm thinking Sylvia but I'm open.

I bought Sylvia specifically so I could make green juice every morning. Fall is here with sniffles, sneezing, runny noses and headaches. I need to fight back.

If you'd like to stay healthy try a daily serving of this smoothie. My version is modified from Dr. Oz's recipe that you can find here.

My green juice recipe:

2 handfuls spinach

1 handful Italian parsley

1 celery stalk

1/2 peeled cucumber

1 apple

1/2 navel orange

1/4 lime

1/4 lemon

1 sliver peeled ginger

4-5 frozen strawberries

1/4 - 1/2 cup water

You can thank mi madre Rosario for the tasty modifications that make this concoction easier to drink. The added orange makes it sweeter. The frozen strawberries are my own addition. The icy texture helps cover the frothy grit you get from using a blender instead of a juicer. You can juice all the ingredients but then you're missing the pulp which carries all the fiber. Choices, life is full of them. I think you should choose to try this recipe and make your own changes. Sometimes I don't add the celery. If I'm out of lemon or lime I just use a little more orange. There's really no wrong way to make this smoothie unless you substitute spinach for vanilla ice cream, switch out celery for chocolate sauce and omit all the other ingredients. In that case I'd say you're doing it all wrong.

If you follow directions well your drink should come out like this:

The recipe makes about 2 12oz servings. Dan gets to drink it too, he is so excited.

Try it out and tell me what you think.

Now go wash your hands, keyboards are filthy.

Yikes!

I knew it had been a long time since I posted, but I didn't realize that it's almost been two months. Oh my. That's just ridiculous.

I don't write consistently but I do read all your blogs daily. I would like to thank you all for being such dedicated bloggers. My lunch break would not be the same if you weren't so responsible and dedicated to posting beautiful pictures and insightful words. I just realized I'm sitting on the couch with Lola watching Monday Night Football. Dan isn't even here. That's how enthralled I am with your blogs; I don't even notice I'm watching football. Serious.

I also realized today that I've lost a follower. I used to have 7 but now there are only 6 of you. Ex follower, please come back. I'm sorry if I let you down.

We've been pretty busy lately but filling you in on everything at this point is futile.

I'll make an effort to keep this thing updated. For real this time.

Is this thing on?

Hello? Anybody out there? So nobody has an opinion of Saturn Return, huh? Ok, I get it, astrology isn't your thing, right? You didn't want to click on the link? You're busy? So what is it? Please don't tell me you've stopped reading my blog.

I'll post more, I will.

Life is kind of on a downswing right now. I think things go in waves, up and down and right now is a down time. Work is stressville. My boss treats me like a rodent and I can't seem to do anything right. I have no money, this is completely my own fault but irritating nonetheless. There is some other stuff but I won't go into the details, I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to me whine.

I keep reminding myself that things aren't that bad, to stop being such a pansy and buck up. What I really need to do is find myself a productive and enriching career. What do you suggest? Do you have any ideas for me? Do you just want to post a nice comment to cheer me up? I would like that.

Saturn Return

My friend Amy told me about this phenomenon today and I'm not sure what to think. The romantic, astrology believing (and slightly valley girl) side of my brain says, "OMG, this is like so totally right on" but the sensible, skeptical side of my brain says, "what a load".
Usually, I think astrology is bunk. I think it was invented by enterprising free spirits that needed a quick buck and were good at writing "deep" synopses of life that majically appelaed to everyone due to their vague nature. Said free spirits needed some context to make their craft believeable so they chose something few can refute, planets. Viola, a business was born.
I'd like to know what you think. Has Saturn returned or do people have too much time on their hands?

Ana and Mike's wedding

I apologize for the delay in posting pics of Ana and Mike's big day. I was busy partying in Desert Aire but more about that later.

The venue was a family friend's house in Snohomish. Behind the altar area is a huge water feature that they've labored over for a few years. It was a great backdrop for the ceremony.

The happy family.

Quite possibly the cutest flower girl the world has ever seen.

Matron of honor, moi and best man Geoff (my dress was too long, drats!)

Cue the tears. The beautiful bride with parents in tow.

Hello fabulous shoes!

Time to party.

So it says here on your resume your name is Idiot Moron, is that right? Yes, but I go by Liability

Dear girl who is suing your former college for 70 grand because you can't find a job,

You're a moron. Good luck ever finding a job or getting into grad school after this stunt. Nobody will ever hire you, accept you into their institution, rent you a house, sell you a car, move in with you or god forbid, marry you. You will encounter enough people who will tell you how stupid you are so you don't really need me to continue on about how you're an idiot. Please tell your lawyer he or she is also a complete dumb ass. Good luck with the rest of your life, with your reasoning skills it sounds like you'll need it.

Sincerely,

Me

To hold you over, like a slice of cheese between lunch and dinner

I survived the longest week in history. Dan got home from VA yesterday, my sis and Mike are already back from their honeymoon, the family is slowly trickling back down to Mexico, Ms. Chloe is still in the hospital but we're hoping for good news on her transplant results, and my mom passed gracefully from 59 to 60 and hardly complained about her poorly organized chaotic mess of a party (my fault). Despite a downpour in the middle of the reception we had a great time at the wedding on Saturday. As soon as I move from in front of these 3 fans I will find some pictures to post. In the meantime I thought I would tell you about some things on my mind. Some are kind of new, some seriously dated but I hope they entertain you for a little bit.

First of all, what the hell is up with the two bathtubs in the Cialis commercials? Who would put two bathtubs side by side in front of a dock or on a mountain top or on their deck? I find this seriously retarded. No matter your age you are not having sex if your partner is in a separate bathtub than you. It's simple logistics.

When Donald Trump gets rid of contestants on his reality show The Apprentice he says, "you're fired." However, the contestants are all vying for the job, so they're not actually hired yet. You can't fire somebody you haven't hired. Granted, the send off, "you're not hired" is not as catchy but at least it makes sense.

There's some country singer, Carrie Underwood mayhap, that sings, "carved my name into his leather seats." Um, hello, dumb ass, that's like spray painting, "Littlemeah was here" on the side of a building or keying your name on someone's car. Carrie advises us maybe her ex will think twice before he cheats. Maybe you'll think twice, Carrie, when you are sitting in jail and you see yourself on the next episode of America's Dumbest Criminals.

Did you know that now more than ever people are saying, "now more than ever"? I suppose there are trends in marketing and right now the trend is doomsday advertising. But now more than ever I wish companies would stop warning us that we need their product now more than ever.

Did you notice they switched the Sleep Country woman on the commercials? Does it bother you that they dress the two exactly the same in khaki pants and sensible sweater sets? Like maybe you won't notice the new gal is way skinnier and looks nothing like the old gal? And who says gal anymore? What am I, 50?

I feel great now that I have that all off my chest. Thanks for your help, it's like therapy, really. Next week, same time?

Stress Level Alert: High

You know when you drive through the mountains and they have those signs with Smokey the Bear and a chart indicating the fire threat level? The sign is manually set to low, medium or high. Well, imagine one of those with my picture on it; you can add smoke coming from my ears if you'd like. The top of the sign says, "Today's stress level is:" and the sign says VERY HIGH. Let me tell you a few of the things happening lately that have me popping sedatives at bed time. First, my sis and Mike are getting married on Saturday. You know how there's a million little things to do before a wedding? We're trudging through the to-do list and getting all those little details in order. My uncle Pablo, aunt Jacqueline and cousin Veronica are coming from Mexico tomorrow and staying with us, hence all the Facebook posts about cleaning the guest room this weekend. I really want them to feel at home and I guess their home isn't filled with junk and dust bunnies. That's enough to drive this couch potato into frenzy mode but there's still more. Dan is taking the bar in Virginia next week. He has been really focused on studying and his stress level is right up there with mine. Also, his super adorable 6 year old niece Chloe is undergoing a bone marrow transplant today. The recovery is really long and painful. She will be in the hospital for awhile. Please pray for her.
Are you overwhelmed yet? There's more. My mom turns 60 on Sunday so we're having a brunch at my parent's house and I still need to find a gift for her and help finalize the planning for her party.
I might go into hibernation next week. Don't look for me.
*Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Summer"time"

I love DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's "Summertime" as much as the next twenty-something but it bothers me that the events laid out in the third verse are basically impossible. Can you really go to the mall (when it's already late in the day no less), hop in the water plug for old times sake, break to the crib to change your clothes, make it to the barbeque by 4, watch the old folks dance at your family reunion, reminisce about the days growing up and the first person you kissed, wipe your car down, go to the summertime hangout/car show and, wait a second, you supposedly just came from the barbershop/beauty salon and spent all day waxing your car. Um, I don't think I like the Fresh Prince's new definition of summer madness. I'll stick to doing just a couple of things a day during the summer, thank you.

Cliche of the day

Today's cliche is "star-studded." If it were a drinking game to take a shot every time I've heard that today I'd be face down in my neighbor's yard in a pool of vomit wearing only an apron and one paisley sock.

Tick, tick, tick

Have you ever planned a vacation or a short weekend getaway and the last day of work before you leave is excruciating? I'm feeling that way right now. We're off to Alta tonight and I've been at my desk planning the weekend all morning. Did I pack my swim suit? Does the car have enough gas? Did we buy enough hot dog buns? Who will pick up ice on the way home for the cooler? At approximately what time can I relax and open a cold beer? Did I pack the bug spray? Will it be sunny all weekend? Ugh, can the work day just be over now? I want to go, go, go.

What's that feet? You need shoes?

Are your feet trying to tell you something? Tangent warning. When I went to Western there was an article in the student paper where this girl's feet told her they hated shoes and asked her to be free. She complied and never wore shoes again, even in the middle of winter. She was on shrooms when her feet talked to her, obviously, feet don't talk to sober people.

Aneeeeway, Report Shoes is having a sample sale on Saturday. If your feet haven't asked you not to, you should go. Here is the info:

Once again my lack of computer skills has caused deep shame to my family. Ok, not really but I can't figure out how to make the picture bigger so I'll just have to tell you:

Report Sample Sale

Lots of great shoes in sizes 6-11 from a variety of brands including Report, Report Signature, R2 and more.

Saturday June 20th from 10-1 at 13150 SE 32nd St Bellevue, WA 98005.

100% of the proceeds go to New Beginnings. Google them.

Don't miss it unless your hippie feet revolt.

Rambling, it's better than nothing. I hope.

Oh my, this blog is on the bottom of the list. What list you ask. Well, I'm not sure what list. It could be on the summer to do list right under watch HGTV, watch the real housewives of anywhere they happen to be showing and sleep. Or, it could be on the list of things I haven't done in awhile such as hot yoga, avoid dairy and clean my condo.
The past month has been pretty slow. Lola is as stinky as ever. She turned 5 on June 4th but hasn't gotten the memo that she needs to stop acting like a spoiled anxious puppy. I got her a portable water bowl so she can rehydrate on long walks. She really liked it and told me it's the second best birthday gift she's ever gotten right behind Mr. Monkey. She also thanked me for keeping her alive with powdered pancreas enzyme. I told her she was welcome and I'm happy to do it.
On June 6th I partook in slight shenanigans at Ana's bachelorette party. We had a suite at the Farimont (just call me Mrs. High Roller) where Ana opened gifts and we drank drinks. Then we had a fab dinner at Purple and then we went to a variety of strange bars. First was the "hipster" bar called Vessel. The tall, lanky concierge with a lisp told me it was cool. I should have known better. The place had 3 chairs and bar menu the length of an encylopedia (it even had a glossary in the back). The drinks were $12 (note to Vessel: you're not Vegas). I think if they charge $12 for a cocktail they should have more than 3 chairs.
We then hobbled our way to The Triple Door where there was nothing happening. So we went to Kell's which was great until I started drinking Jeager and Red Bull and dancing like a robot. The robot is pretty sweet but you have to be with people who get you and expect your retarded antics. My sister's friends don't really know me so I think they were kind of like, "what the hell". We had a great time though and my sister's friends are a really fun group of girls. I am looking forward to seeing them all again at the wedding. Maybe I'll introduce them to the Axl.

This is me holding back from some smart-ass comment about my burning workplace

My sister called me tonight to ask if I was aware that my office was on fire. I went online and sure enough, there was smoke billowing onto I-90 as the building burned. My company has two offices, our main building and another couple of offices in a shared building down the block. This shared space is called the Annex office and this is the one burning tonight. I work in the main building so luckily all my files and samples are spared. A lot of my coworkers aren't so lucky. I don't know the whole story or the extent of the damage yet. I'll let you know what happens. 

Just wanted to let you know

If you're looking for a good source of hydration without tons of calories or sugar (or gross fake sweeteners), then I have found the thing for you. Try Nuun. The fizzy tablets are similar to Airborne. Just drop one into your water bottle and it hydrates you better than water without the stomach ache that comes with gulping a cold Gatorade. Dan and I got some free samples at Beat the Bridge yesterday and we're hooked. It doesn't taste too sweet and it has a little bit of fizz to keep your water interesting. Their website also has tons of good info about hydration. I love finding a good product and sharing so here you go. Try it out and let me know what you think.

Somebody call BPS

This blog is ne-glec-ted! 

I say F it, there's no poem. Sorry Stacie, I love you. You sat next to McLovin courtside at an NBA playoff game. I don't feel so bad now.  When you're in town I'll buy you a box of Oh's.

Let's move on...

No time for poetry, I've got a vacation to plan

I send my sincerest apologies to those of you who were anticipating a poem about Stacie; I have to postpone the poem post (alliteration fans, rejoice) because there is bigger news to share.

For approximately 7 years I have been craving a jaunt to the land down under, you know, where women flow and men sunder (or whatever the lyrics are), the place where people smile and give you a Vegemite sandwich. Yes, Australia! I can only think of cliches so I might as well just throw them at you. I can hardly wait, I am counting the seconds, I am beside myself, this is a dream come true, this is something I've always wanted to do, etc, etc. Side note: the worst cliche of all time is fun in the sun. Please refrain from ever writing that, anywhere. ever.

Dan and I found reasonably priced tickets last week and booked the trip (admittedly, on a whim). I am so excited to see my friend Lill and her parents and finally meet her bf Jordan and her sister Alice. It's going to be hard to wait 10 months but I'm thankful for the extra time to plan and save money. Now if I could only get "Land Down Under" out of my head. Thanks a lot Men at Work.

I will get to the poem eventually. Patience people, patience.

And the blog post goes to...

Fine, I've milked out all the guesses I'm going to get. My very very favorite cereal currently costs only $2.00 at Safeway and leaves a film of grease on the roof of your mouth. I am talking about delicious Oh's. Congrats to Stacie who posted her guess and immediately emailed me at work to make sure she was right. Yes, Stass, all those summer mornings after cheer practice eating Oh's at my house finally paid off. I already wrote a post about Stacie (read it here), so I'm going to get creative and channel my inner Sylvia Plath. No, I'm not sticking my head in the oven, I'm writing a poem about Stacie. I haven't written a poem since Poetry 351 at Western so it might take me a couple of days to put this one together. Bear with me folks and stay tuned for a poetic gem about Stacie.

A contest! A random ass contest.

What's your favorite cereal? Are you an old soul who likes Raisin Bran? Are you a kid at heart and you love Fruit Loops or Cookie Crisp every morning? Are you a health nut and carefully eat Kashi Go Lean served with a measuring cup? Do you mix it up? Do you eat cereal for dinner sometimes?

If you were on the '97-'98 LWHS cheer squad (go Kangs) you know what my favorite cereal is because you came over to my house every day in the summer after 8am practice and we ate cereal and watched A Wedding Story before heading out to Stacie's house or Waverly to sunbathe on the dock.

If you can guess or remember the name of my very fav cereal I will write my next post about you (and only say very nice things)* Fire up those brains and write your answer in the comment section. Good luck!

*Prize subject to terms and conditions. The first person to guess correctly will be awarded with a blog post about him or her in which only very nice things will be said. Date and length of post are at author's discretion. No revisions or edits will be made after post is published. Post may contain picture of winner to be chosen by the author. The winner will also receive a box of author's very very favorite cereal. If winner lives in the greater Seattle area, the author might come and eat cereal at winner's house or invite winner to do the same at author's house. Date of cereal eating get-together to be chosen by mutual consent of winner and author. Please note that author only drinks soy milk.

Vote or Die Blog

This blog is amazing. Aimee and Scott are the blogging power couple. I love it!
**update: I should have posted a link to Aimee's blog. Isn't it great? Keep up the good work guys.

Hey big climber

Yesterday Betsy and I climbed 69 flights of stairs to the 75th floor of the Columbia Tower. I think we started on floor 5 and there's no floor 13 so the math should work out for the brainiacs reading this. Betsy absolutely smoked me. I didn't see her from floor 10 until the finish. She took off at a steady pace and made it to the top in under 20 minutes. I, on the other hand, had to stop every few floors to catch my breath, make sure I wasn't under cardiac arrest and check to see if my legs were still attached. Luckily, everything was in place and I finished in 30 minutes. I am so grateful to all of you for your generous donations and support. Those of you who donated will receive something in the mail shortly. Those of you who wished me luck and supported me, thank you! I could not have done it without you. Every time I wanted to die (about every other floor) I thought of all the people pulling for me and all the cancer patients and their families that deal with much more difficult struggles every single day.

I think Shelby and all the other talented photographers are laughing at these grainy pics but I wanted to show them to you anyway. Cameras were not allowed so we took these with my phone. Ignore the weird thing my hair is doing and focus on the awesome view. It was a welcome sight!

Jelly Bellies are not smelly jellies

Um ,what? I even confuse myself with this nonsense sometimes.

Ok, so, there is a tub of Jelly Bellies (would it be Bellys or Bellies? Paging the grammar police) in our lunch room. The tub has 49 flavors of jelly beans and a big spoon inviting you to come try each one. I filled up a Dixie cup and took them to my desk. I then proceeded to try them one at a time and guess the flavor. So far I've tried kiwi, kiwi strawberry, sour kiwi, kiwi pineapple and buttered popcorn. Obviously I suck at this game because they all taste like kiwi. And here's something to consider, I don't even like jelly beans. They all taste like gummy sugar once you eat through the top layer. Then they stick to your teeth. Oh, and it's pointless to guess the flavor by smelling them. They don't smell like anything. Is it possible that I'm so bored I've resorted to mindless jelly bean eating games? I'll be right back, I'm going to try and find a life.

One more reason to love NPR

NPR is streaming The Decemberists live performance of their new album The Hazards of Love in its entirety tonight in Austin at SXSW (that's South by Southwest to the layperson). 

Link up here. You're welcome.

Shave your armpits and put on a party hat. Let's Be Honest turns 1!

My little blog turns 1 today. I've enjoyed blogging about the past year. A few things happened that were notable, but mainly I just rambled and ranted. Thanks for reading and keep checking in, there is much more to come.

Things that are taking over the universe part II: Snuggee

As Facebook was slowly seeping its way into every aspect of my life there was another threatening menace right behind it: the Snuggee.
In case you live under a rock, the Snuggee is a blanket with sleeves. It comes in 3 designer colors, royal blue, burgundy and sage green (which looks more like pukey sea foam on the commercial). You can wear it while you knit in your favorite chair. You can wear it while you’re reading a book and if the phone rings you don’t have to look like an idiot doggy paddling your way out of your blanket to answer it. Your whole family can wear it outside while you roast marshmallows over a big gas fire pit. You can also take the fam to the ball game and wear your Snuggees. Your kids will stay warm and still be able to raise their arms to cheer for the home team. Call me silly but isn’t that basically what a coat is for? Does the Snuggee come with a hood to keep your head warm? No? Coat: 1, Snuggee: 0.
Everywhere I go people are talking about the damn Snuggee. It started when Kristi’s boyfriend got her one for Christmas. Then people were talking about it up in Bellingham one weekend. Then I went to dinner at my parent’s house and some of their friends were talking about it. We were talking about it one day in a meeting at work. Then, I saw the commercial for the Snugglette mini Snuggee for kids. After that people started talking about it on Facebook and that’s when my head exploded. Facebook and Snuggee are in cahoots to align and destroy the universe together. I am sure of it.

Bad Littlemeah, bad bad bad

I have neglected the blog and I apologize, especially after all you've done for me and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I felt like I had all these things to blog about and then when I actually went to do it, the ideas all seemed stupid. I was like, "No, that's dumb. No, they won't care about that. No, that will gross them out." It was blogger's block at its worst.

So, here's something that has been on my mind a lot: Facebook. It might not be a new thing but over the span of a week I am now friends with most of my cousins in Mexico, Dan's brothers, my dad, my mother-in-law and some of my parents friends. Everyone has a freakin Facebook page.
Side note: My co-worker just emailed me that it's snowing. I don't sit by a window and she's in the neighboring building that we call The Annex. I told my cubicle neighbor, and, instead of walking over to a window he picked up his iPhone to verify. What is this world coming to?

Okay, so everyone has a Facebook account. Even the Yakima Fruit Market by my condo has a Facebook page. What?! I didn't know you could be friends with a fruit market. The other day Amy posted this note asking people to write about their favorite memories with her. The thing exploded into all of us writing funny college stories on each other's walls. I was totally laughing about it until I realized that now my dad, some of his friends, Dan's brothers, all my cousins in Mexico and my mother-in-law know I puked all over myself driving home one morning after a long night of drinking. Sweet.

I logged in to check my bank balance this morning and I saw a link to Facebook at the bottom of the page. I looked again and realized it said feedback, not Facebook. If I ever become friends with Bank of America on Facebook I might just have to call it quits.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!

Remember how I told you Dan got me a sweet sweet Valentine's Day gift? Here it is. I got a box of Fran's Sea Salt Caramels (my favorite) and a box of assorted truffles. Lucky girl! (lucky = fat). He also arranged red roses with white tulips on his own. I thought that was a really nice touch. Don't they look great together? If you're wondering why I have flowers in a water jug it's because I don't have a vase. Sad. But, it's important to note that Dan's uncle cuts crystal and made a set of crystal especially for us when we got married. We chose the shape of one set and the pattern of another. It turned out so nice that they named the new pattern Mariana. And that is not sad at all. 

Picture me picketing

Just so you know, I am on a self imposed blog strike until I raise $500 for the Big Climb. Since I promised I wouldn't ask you for money again in my last post I want to make it clear that I'm not asking you for money. I am just refraining from filling you in on Valentine's weekend in the mountains, the sweet sweet gift Dan got me for V day, my thoughts on He's Just Not That Into You (hint: blech), the big big very important thing that's happening right now, the other big big super important thing that already happened, how I almost thought I had my identity stolen but was misinformed by the bank and was really almost the victim of debit card fraud and other stories, anecdotes and ramblings. Just thought you'd like to know.

Give me some of your money?

I guess asking for all your money was a bit ambitious. How about just $10? My goal for The Big Climb is to find 50 people to donate $10 each. How about it?

If you hate me (and who can blame you these days) will you consider donating to my teammate Betsy instead? She's also training hard and raising money. Check it out. Please?

Remember that time you staged a sit-in to save the baby Pandas and I pledged 5 dollars for every hour you sat on that cold sidewalk? Or how about the time you biked from Seattle to Billings to raise money for Diabetes research and I sponsored you by buying all your bike shorts? What about that one time I saved all your puppies from the crazy lady with the big hair? What? That was a Disney movie? Oh, yeah - disregard that last one.

The money you pledge will fund vital research to cure Leukemia and Lymphoma. It will also provide a better quality of life for cancer patients and their families. Please consider donating to this good cause. I promise this is the last time I'll ask.

Thank you!

Give me all your money

I'm unabashedly and blatantly asking you to give me money. It's for a good cause, I promise.

Betsy and I are participating in The Big Climb on March 22nd. We're climbing all 69 flights of stairs to the top of the Columbia Tower. It's 1311 steps and 788 feet of vertical elevation. My dad told me he doesn't think I can do it. Coming from my dad this is pretty harsh. I've decided not only to do it but to raise 500 dollars to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Help me out, I won't forget it. I'll owe you one. Do it for the kids.

Click here to donate and thank you. 

Let's talk about what matters: inaugural fashion

I hated Michelle Obama's "gold" dress. I tried to like it all day but I just couldn't. I don't know if it didn't read well on video or pictures but I thought the color was not flattering on her at all. There was also something about her gloves and shoes that was not right. What do you think?

On the other hand, Jill Biden showed up and said, "Stand back bitches. I've got my f' me boots on and I mean business. PS, my legs are hella skinny"

In my opinion (and I would like to hear if you disagree), little what's her name Obama stole the show in her orange and pink ensemble. Bravo, little Obama. Pick a dog already.

Somewhere in Texas a village got its idiot back

My Abuelo is the cutest

I almost started crying today at work when I opened an email from my dad with this picture of my gramps. Abuelo is in his mid 90s and still going strong. He lives in Mexico so I don't get to see him very often but I get weekly updates from my dad and manage to keep tabs on him. Abuelo has become really good friends with a nun named Patty. She comes to his retirement home and they watch movies and she reads to him. I think they also go out for coffee and maybe lunch sometimes too. I haven't met her yet but she sounds great and she's been such a good friend to him. In the picture he's holding squirrels that she brought him from Orlando. I could not resist posting this pic. I had to show you the world's cutest grandpa.

The road to recovery

A few weeks ago we finally found out what's wrong with Lola. Turns out she is none of the following:

1. Perfectly fine and very fit

2. Suffering from Avian Tuberculosis 

3. Afflicted with Addison's Disease

4. Battling Intestinal Cancer

5. Allergic to her food

6. Emitting gasses due to Inflammatory Bowel Disease

Thankfully none of those things caused her stunning 7 pound weight loss or chronic diarrhea. We found out she has Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. Basically her Pancreas has stopped working. It isn't producing the enzymes necessary to digest food. Therefore, everything she ate was just passing through her. She was literally starving to death. So it made sense that she was trying to eat anything she could find, including cigarette butts, apple cores and (sorry) her own shit. 

The solution is simple, we just add a powdered enzyme to her food every day. Unfortunately this stuff smells like baby vomit, sour milk and provolone cheese ground in a pile of shit, eaten by a beaver, shat out and rotting in the woods for 3 weeks. Imagine my excitement to own the world's cuddliest dog. 

We are really glad to be able to easily treat her condition and we'd much rather deal with the smell than the disease's ugly symptoms. She's gained about a pound and a half and you can't see the outline of her ribs or her gaunt face (complete with recessed eye sockets). 

All is well in Lola land and we are so relieved.  Now if we could only train her to stop hogging the bed...

Carolina's 1st birthday

Today is Carolina's first birthday. I can't believe a year has passed already. It seems like just last week Ana and I were contemplating if her water really had broken and heading to the hospital to be sure. We've had a great year getting to know Carolina and I can't wait to see what the future brings for her. Happy Birthday Little Chicken!!

Babies!

On December 28th Dan's cousin Richard and his wife Kristen welcomed their adorable baby boy Kellen Anthony. We met him yesterday and he is the sweetest little thing. He has perfectly round ears and beautiful little face. He's super cute.

This morning my friend Lisa gave birth to Ms. Dahlia Ru. I haven't seen pictures of her yet but I'll bet she's beautiful like her mom and dad. I'll post a picture as soon as I get one.

Congrats to the new parents!

New year, old news

I probably should be posting my resolutions or telling you about my fab New Year's Eve but I have some things to tell you about December of last year. Is that weird that we can call it last year although it was just a few days ago? Time, what a tricky little illusion. I find that posting events and thoughts in list form is satisfying. So, without further rambling, here is the scoop:

1. On December 11th my dad turned 60 and my sister married Mike in the living room of my parent's house. It was all very strange and wonderful. My family has taken to doing weird things with short notice. I am learning to accept this.

2. On December 17th Dan turned 29 and I neglected to write him a happy birthday post. But I bought him Guitar Hero World Tour which is way better than a blog post. It is sweet. You should come over and play in our band, Balsac and Turtle. Yes, it's the weirdest band name ever but it's growing on me. It came about because Dan's band name on the old Guitar Hero was Balsac and I wanted the new band name to be The Turtleheads. Balsac and the Turtleheads takes up too many characters so we had to compromise. Isn't compromise what marriage is all about?

3. I spent December 21st-27th in the warm suns of Mexico. Pictures to follow.

4. Josh and Betsy dog sat Lola while we were gone. I know they did a good job because she showed zero emotion when we picked her up. There might have been a little tail wag but we're not sure. I think she even misses them. Like Big Head Todd says, it's bittersweet.

December was quite eventful and we're looking forward to a quiet January. I will post some pics of all this madness so check back in the next couple of days.
Until then, I wish you all a very happy 2009. I hope the upcoming year is full of laughter and cheese. What else do you need?