I am not so fond of you. It's not because you demand the impossible (lower prices, earlier deliveries, quality at an affordable price, interest in your children/birthday/marital problem/stomach ailment/son's college entrance requirements/dog/car troubles). No, it's not those things. What I'm referring to here is the horrendous grammar that pollutes the messages in my inbox. I get this hastily written garbage daily. Before you hit send, read your email. I'd wager a hefty sum that you'll be as repulsed as I am once you realize how you look when you send me this steamy load of words.
This is the one. This is the mistake grinds my insides: "please advice". I let this one go for a long time. I understand that Microsoft bungled this one when they programmed spell check. Let's be honest though, this is not a difficult mistake to recognize. I assume you have been educated, and I assume at some point during your education you learned the parts of speech. Apparently I have made an ass of you, as well as myself. Here is a refresher, and I don't want to have to tell you again.
Advise = verb, advice = noun. It is not possible to advice. So quit asking me to do so. I cannot advice, even if you say please. I can't advice if the shoe is blue or yellow. I can't advice if the price is 4 dollars or 3. I am willing to ignore the various other grammatical errors in your emails if you just cut it out with this "advice" nonsense. I'll ignore your lack of knowlege concerning the use of elipses (i.e. "Hi Team....... ...... ....... ....). I'll even ignore your obnoxious use of the word "team" as a greeting in all of your emails (not grammatically incorrect but annoying nonetheless). Please, take my advice to heart. We will both be better people.
Sincerely,
Me
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