Hey big climber

Yesterday Betsy and I climbed 69 flights of stairs to the 75th floor of the Columbia Tower. I think we started on floor 5 and there's no floor 13 so the math should work out for the brainiacs reading this. Betsy absolutely smoked me. I didn't see her from floor 10 until the finish. She took off at a steady pace and made it to the top in under 20 minutes. I, on the other hand, had to stop every few floors to catch my breath, make sure I wasn't under cardiac arrest and check to see if my legs were still attached. Luckily, everything was in place and I finished in 30 minutes. I am so grateful to all of you for your generous donations and support. Those of you who donated will receive something in the mail shortly. Those of you who wished me luck and supported me, thank you! I could not have done it without you. Every time I wanted to die (about every other floor) I thought of all the people pulling for me and all the cancer patients and their families that deal with much more difficult struggles every single day.

I think Shelby and all the other talented photographers are laughing at these grainy pics but I wanted to show them to you anyway. Cameras were not allowed so we took these with my phone. Ignore the weird thing my hair is doing and focus on the awesome view. It was a welcome sight!

Jelly Bellies are not smelly jellies

Um ,what? I even confuse myself with this nonsense sometimes.

Ok, so, there is a tub of Jelly Bellies (would it be Bellys or Bellies? Paging the grammar police) in our lunch room. The tub has 49 flavors of jelly beans and a big spoon inviting you to come try each one. I filled up a Dixie cup and took them to my desk. I then proceeded to try them one at a time and guess the flavor. So far I've tried kiwi, kiwi strawberry, sour kiwi, kiwi pineapple and buttered popcorn. Obviously I suck at this game because they all taste like kiwi. And here's something to consider, I don't even like jelly beans. They all taste like gummy sugar once you eat through the top layer. Then they stick to your teeth. Oh, and it's pointless to guess the flavor by smelling them. They don't smell like anything. Is it possible that I'm so bored I've resorted to mindless jelly bean eating games? I'll be right back, I'm going to try and find a life.

One more reason to love NPR

NPR is streaming The Decemberists live performance of their new album The Hazards of Love in its entirety tonight in Austin at SXSW (that's South by Southwest to the layperson). 

Link up here. You're welcome.

Shave your armpits and put on a party hat. Let's Be Honest turns 1!

My little blog turns 1 today. I've enjoyed blogging about the past year. A few things happened that were notable, but mainly I just rambled and ranted. Thanks for reading and keep checking in, there is much more to come.

Things that are taking over the universe part II: Snuggee

As Facebook was slowly seeping its way into every aspect of my life there was another threatening menace right behind it: the Snuggee.
In case you live under a rock, the Snuggee is a blanket with sleeves. It comes in 3 designer colors, royal blue, burgundy and sage green (which looks more like pukey sea foam on the commercial). You can wear it while you knit in your favorite chair. You can wear it while you’re reading a book and if the phone rings you don’t have to look like an idiot doggy paddling your way out of your blanket to answer it. Your whole family can wear it outside while you roast marshmallows over a big gas fire pit. You can also take the fam to the ball game and wear your Snuggees. Your kids will stay warm and still be able to raise their arms to cheer for the home team. Call me silly but isn’t that basically what a coat is for? Does the Snuggee come with a hood to keep your head warm? No? Coat: 1, Snuggee: 0.
Everywhere I go people are talking about the damn Snuggee. It started when Kristi’s boyfriend got her one for Christmas. Then people were talking about it up in Bellingham one weekend. Then I went to dinner at my parent’s house and some of their friends were talking about it. We were talking about it one day in a meeting at work. Then, I saw the commercial for the Snugglette mini Snuggee for kids. After that people started talking about it on Facebook and that’s when my head exploded. Facebook and Snuggee are in cahoots to align and destroy the universe together. I am sure of it.

Bad Littlemeah, bad bad bad

I have neglected the blog and I apologize, especially after all you've done for me and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I felt like I had all these things to blog about and then when I actually went to do it, the ideas all seemed stupid. I was like, "No, that's dumb. No, they won't care about that. No, that will gross them out." It was blogger's block at its worst.

So, here's something that has been on my mind a lot: Facebook. It might not be a new thing but over the span of a week I am now friends with most of my cousins in Mexico, Dan's brothers, my dad, my mother-in-law and some of my parents friends. Everyone has a freakin Facebook page.
Side note: My co-worker just emailed me that it's snowing. I don't sit by a window and she's in the neighboring building that we call The Annex. I told my cubicle neighbor, and, instead of walking over to a window he picked up his iPhone to verify. What is this world coming to?

Okay, so everyone has a Facebook account. Even the Yakima Fruit Market by my condo has a Facebook page. What?! I didn't know you could be friends with a fruit market. The other day Amy posted this note asking people to write about their favorite memories with her. The thing exploded into all of us writing funny college stories on each other's walls. I was totally laughing about it until I realized that now my dad, some of his friends, Dan's brothers, all my cousins in Mexico and my mother-in-law know I puked all over myself driving home one morning after a long night of drinking. Sweet.

I logged in to check my bank balance this morning and I saw a link to Facebook at the bottom of the page. I looked again and realized it said feedback, not Facebook. If I ever become friends with Bank of America on Facebook I might just have to call it quits.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!

Remember how I told you Dan got me a sweet sweet Valentine's Day gift? Here it is. I got a box of Fran's Sea Salt Caramels (my favorite) and a box of assorted truffles. Lucky girl! (lucky = fat). He also arranged red roses with white tulips on his own. I thought that was a really nice touch. Don't they look great together? If you're wondering why I have flowers in a water jug it's because I don't have a vase. Sad. But, it's important to note that Dan's uncle cuts crystal and made a set of crystal especially for us when we got married. We chose the shape of one set and the pattern of another. It turned out so nice that they named the new pattern Mariana. And that is not sad at all. 

Picture me picketing

Just so you know, I am on a self imposed blog strike until I raise $500 for the Big Climb. Since I promised I wouldn't ask you for money again in my last post I want to make it clear that I'm not asking you for money. I am just refraining from filling you in on Valentine's weekend in the mountains, the sweet sweet gift Dan got me for V day, my thoughts on He's Just Not That Into You (hint: blech), the big big very important thing that's happening right now, the other big big super important thing that already happened, how I almost thought I had my identity stolen but was misinformed by the bank and was really almost the victim of debit card fraud and other stories, anecdotes and ramblings. Just thought you'd like to know.

Give me some of your money?

I guess asking for all your money was a bit ambitious. How about just $10? My goal for The Big Climb is to find 50 people to donate $10 each. How about it?

If you hate me (and who can blame you these days) will you consider donating to my teammate Betsy instead? She's also training hard and raising money. Check it out. Please?

Remember that time you staged a sit-in to save the baby Pandas and I pledged 5 dollars for every hour you sat on that cold sidewalk? Or how about the time you biked from Seattle to Billings to raise money for Diabetes research and I sponsored you by buying all your bike shorts? What about that one time I saved all your puppies from the crazy lady with the big hair? What? That was a Disney movie? Oh, yeah - disregard that last one.

The money you pledge will fund vital research to cure Leukemia and Lymphoma. It will also provide a better quality of life for cancer patients and their families. Please consider donating to this good cause. I promise this is the last time I'll ask.

Thank you!

Give me all your money

I'm unabashedly and blatantly asking you to give me money. It's for a good cause, I promise.

Betsy and I are participating in The Big Climb on March 22nd. We're climbing all 69 flights of stairs to the top of the Columbia Tower. It's 1311 steps and 788 feet of vertical elevation. My dad told me he doesn't think I can do it. Coming from my dad this is pretty harsh. I've decided not only to do it but to raise 500 dollars to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Help me out, I won't forget it. I'll owe you one. Do it for the kids.

Click here to donate and thank you. 

Let's talk about what matters: inaugural fashion

I hated Michelle Obama's "gold" dress. I tried to like it all day but I just couldn't. I don't know if it didn't read well on video or pictures but I thought the color was not flattering on her at all. There was also something about her gloves and shoes that was not right. What do you think?

On the other hand, Jill Biden showed up and said, "Stand back bitches. I've got my f' me boots on and I mean business. PS, my legs are hella skinny"

In my opinion (and I would like to hear if you disagree), little what's her name Obama stole the show in her orange and pink ensemble. Bravo, little Obama. Pick a dog already.

Somewhere in Texas a village got its idiot back

My Abuelo is the cutest

I almost started crying today at work when I opened an email from my dad with this picture of my gramps. Abuelo is in his mid 90s and still going strong. He lives in Mexico so I don't get to see him very often but I get weekly updates from my dad and manage to keep tabs on him. Abuelo has become really good friends with a nun named Patty. She comes to his retirement home and they watch movies and she reads to him. I think they also go out for coffee and maybe lunch sometimes too. I haven't met her yet but she sounds great and she's been such a good friend to him. In the picture he's holding squirrels that she brought him from Orlando. I could not resist posting this pic. I had to show you the world's cutest grandpa.

The road to recovery

A few weeks ago we finally found out what's wrong with Lola. Turns out she is none of the following:

1. Perfectly fine and very fit

2. Suffering from Avian Tuberculosis 

3. Afflicted with Addison's Disease

4. Battling Intestinal Cancer

5. Allergic to her food

6. Emitting gasses due to Inflammatory Bowel Disease

Thankfully none of those things caused her stunning 7 pound weight loss or chronic diarrhea. We found out she has Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. Basically her Pancreas has stopped working. It isn't producing the enzymes necessary to digest food. Therefore, everything she ate was just passing through her. She was literally starving to death. So it made sense that she was trying to eat anything she could find, including cigarette butts, apple cores and (sorry) her own shit. 

The solution is simple, we just add a powdered enzyme to her food every day. Unfortunately this stuff smells like baby vomit, sour milk and provolone cheese ground in a pile of shit, eaten by a beaver, shat out and rotting in the woods for 3 weeks. Imagine my excitement to own the world's cuddliest dog. 

We are really glad to be able to easily treat her condition and we'd much rather deal with the smell than the disease's ugly symptoms. She's gained about a pound and a half and you can't see the outline of her ribs or her gaunt face (complete with recessed eye sockets). 

All is well in Lola land and we are so relieved.  Now if we could only train her to stop hogging the bed...

Carolina's 1st birthday

Today is Carolina's first birthday. I can't believe a year has passed already. It seems like just last week Ana and I were contemplating if her water really had broken and heading to the hospital to be sure. We've had a great year getting to know Carolina and I can't wait to see what the future brings for her. Happy Birthday Little Chicken!!

Babies!

On December 28th Dan's cousin Richard and his wife Kristen welcomed their adorable baby boy Kellen Anthony. We met him yesterday and he is the sweetest little thing. He has perfectly round ears and beautiful little face. He's super cute.

This morning my friend Lisa gave birth to Ms. Dahlia Ru. I haven't seen pictures of her yet but I'll bet she's beautiful like her mom and dad. I'll post a picture as soon as I get one.

Congrats to the new parents!

New year, old news

I probably should be posting my resolutions or telling you about my fab New Year's Eve but I have some things to tell you about December of last year. Is that weird that we can call it last year although it was just a few days ago? Time, what a tricky little illusion. I find that posting events and thoughts in list form is satisfying. So, without further rambling, here is the scoop:

1. On December 11th my dad turned 60 and my sister married Mike in the living room of my parent's house. It was all very strange and wonderful. My family has taken to doing weird things with short notice. I am learning to accept this.

2. On December 17th Dan turned 29 and I neglected to write him a happy birthday post. But I bought him Guitar Hero World Tour which is way better than a blog post. It is sweet. You should come over and play in our band, Balsac and Turtle. Yes, it's the weirdest band name ever but it's growing on me. It came about because Dan's band name on the old Guitar Hero was Balsac and I wanted the new band name to be The Turtleheads. Balsac and the Turtleheads takes up too many characters so we had to compromise. Isn't compromise what marriage is all about?

3. I spent December 21st-27th in the warm suns of Mexico. Pictures to follow.

4. Josh and Betsy dog sat Lola while we were gone. I know they did a good job because she showed zero emotion when we picked her up. There might have been a little tail wag but we're not sure. I think she even misses them. Like Big Head Todd says, it's bittersweet.

December was quite eventful and we're looking forward to a quiet January. I will post some pics of all this madness so check back in the next couple of days.
Until then, I wish you all a very happy 2009. I hope the upcoming year is full of laughter and cheese. What else do you need?

Snow Day!

I love working from home. By working I mean doing laundry, watching TV, blogging, hanging out with Lola and (most importantly) packing for Mexico. I can't wait to hit the beach and leave all this winter behind for a week. 

On a somewhat related topic; when we bought this place we really liked the nature preserve that borders the property. I had a feeling it might be an awesome sight in the snow. Turns out I was right. 

Damn you humans!

Dan's parents bought Lola a sweater. We've never put clothes on her before so we weren't sure what to expect. I will be sleeping with one eye open from now on. Have you ever seen a death glare quite like this one? Didn't think so...

Recipe Swap 2008

I love Shelby's idea for a recipe swap. I didn't grow up eating green bean casserole but a family friend asked me to make one last year. I found Paula Deen's green beans (you have to say it with a Southern accent) and made a few adjustments, mainly for my picky husband who can spot a bit of mushroom from across the room (and complain like a little girl). Here it is, enjoy.

Paula Deen's Green Beans

Ingredients:

2 cups sliced green beans

1/3 stick butter (obv)

1/2 cup diced onions (I use shallots as well)

1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms (optional for wives with picky husbands)

3 cups chicken broth

1 10 ounce can cream of mushroom (substitute cream of chicken to avoid childish whining)

1 can french fried onions (necessary)

salt & pepper to taste

1 cup grated cheddar (delicious)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 F

Melt the butter in a large skillet. Saute the onions (shallots) and mushrooms in the butter. Boil the green beans in chicken broth for 10 minutes and drain. Add the green beans, mushroom (chicken) soup and salt/pepper to the onion mixture. Stir well. Pour into a greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Bake for 20 minutes, then top the casserole with the cheddar and bake for 10 minutes longer, or until the casserole is hot and cheese is melted. Top with french friend onions. 

Paula says to stir the french fried onions into the mixture before you bake it but I don't like soggy onions so I just put them on top at the very end.

This recipe also calls for her house seasoning but I've found that salt and pepper work just as well, the soup is really salty so you don't need much. 

I usually double the recipe and bake in a big Pyrex. 

Bah Humblog

I've mentioned before that I'm not very fond of Christmas. I don't really hate it, but I certainly don't look forward to it either. I find it all really stressful and fake. I don't want to go on and on about rampant consumerism, greed, my horrible gift wrapping skills, shitty holiday work parties, getting hosed at the annual white elephant exchange or someone who will remain unnamed bitching every year about putting up the tree and then bitching about taking it down. No, I won't go into it. Suffice to say I don't like Christmas because of the crappy music. I blame Mariah Carey...and Starbucks.

So this year we're spending Christmas in Mazatlan and we've enforced a very strict no gift policy. It might be the perfect Christmas. I'll let you know.

Thank You

In the spirit of Thanksgiving here's my favorite poem, enjoy.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-ee cummings

Speedy Wahines Rule!

On Sunday Amy, Betsy and I participated in the Winter Pineapple Classic. It's a 5K with obstacles to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Our team name was the Speedy Wahines. I was super nervous, especially since I didn't even show up to the last 5K in May. There are a variety of reasons why I didn't show to the last race such as shin splints, moving into our condo that same weekend and going to a party the night before that involved a kegerator and the game Rock Band (bad combo). I was determined to at least show up to this one. It turned out to be really fun. I ran about 10 seconds of it and walked the rest of the way. Amy and Bets were really patient and waited for me at each obstacle. I was surprised that I could easily scale the walls. The other obstacles were tires, tubes, hay bales and monkey bars. I couldn't reach the monkey bars so I just ran under them. Afterward there was a luau with a free beer garden and live music. Here's a link to some pictures of the obstacles. As soon as I can move my legs again I'll start training to possibly run the whole thing next year.

Little Lola

Lola went to the groomer today. She's lost so much weight the past few months her ears look huge now that her hair is short. She's a skinny little buddy. I hope she puts on some holiday weight; I know I will.

Before:

After:

Damn you Aniston!

Occasionally, to get a rise out of my friends, I make an incredibly ugly scary face. It makes Betsy scream and everyone else recoil with disgust. It's pretty damn ugly. 

I really wish Jennifer Aniston hadn't ripped off my creepy face on the cover of Vogue. She makes the scary face look, dare I say, pretty. 

Unacceptable. Get your own revolting grimace you thief.

**Author's note: I don't have any pictures of myself making the face except this gem from my wedding. It's not straight on but you get the idea. I like calling myself author, sigh, someday, someday...

This post wins the title of best post written by a 20-something Mexican on Veteran's Day in the city of Bellevue

I find it fantastically annoying the way we count, sort, categorize and keep stats on every little thing that has ever happened. The Guinness Book of World Records used to be an oddity, an interesting catalog of the weird and unlikely. Now, it's just stupid. I don't care how many people dressed up and gathered in a city plaza to dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller. I don't think it's amazing that some kid from Aberdeen can blow up 250 balloons in less than a minute with his right nostril. I also do not care that Mariah Carey is the female artist that has sold the most albums in the pop music category between the years of 1990 and 2008 with butterflies on the cover art according to Billboard. Why do we waste our time finding the "st" (biggest, strongest, smallest, longest, shortest, best, worst, most)?
People, heed my warning.
Re-fucking-lax on the counting. You are all going to become OCD statisticians who crank out volumes of mundane figures and records. Just look at the guys who call baseball games, they're crazytown with numbers and stats. Is that what you want to become? Is it? I didn't think so.

YES WE DID!

It is an amazing day to be an American. 

Halloween and Amy's birthday

Blogger is so slow today. I've just about lost all patience trying to upload pictures from this weekend. What is everybody blogging about today anyway? What's more important than Halloween pics? Honestly...

Happy Birthday Kristi!

Happy Birthday to my first friend in Seattle! Have a great time in Boston!

I need your help

What should I be for Halloween? I only have a few days left to figure it out. Your ideas, suggestions, tips and hints are urgently needed.

These have already been ruled out:
Amy Winehouse
Posh Spice
Anything naughty
Sarah Palin
Banana
Ugly Betty

Another reason to love David Sedaris

I saw this quote on Perezhilton.com today and I couldn't agree more. And yes, I read celebrity gossip blogs. So? 

"I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?" To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters

Mandatory post about fall

It appears that I, along with every other blogger, love fall. I like the smell of the air on a crisp sunny day in October. I love to be surprised and yanked out of the monotony of my daily commute by a tree-lined street that has quickly and gloriously turned into a masterpiece.
I love bite-sized candy especially Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers and Kit-Kats. I love sweaters, comfy coats and scarves. I like Starbucks apple cider with whipped cream and caramel sauce.
This post wouldn't be complete without a list of the things I hate about fall. You didn't think I was going to leave you on such a precious little note, did you?
I hate things that are pumpkin flavored. Who decided to take a gourd and use its contents to flavor things such as pies and lattes? Bad call, person who invented pumpkin flavored things, bad call.
I hate eggnog. This stems from my days as a barista. Eggnog is nearly impossible to steam. The sound of steaming eggnog is almost as bad as the sound of Christmas music (yes, I hate Christmas music. I'll elaborate in a separate post when the time is right). If it gets too hot it turns to scrambled eggs. If you order an extra hot eggnog latte don't be surprised if it comes with a punch in the face.
I hate trying to figure out what to be for Halloween. Dressing up isn't so bad, it's the thought process that precedes the party that I hate. What will I wear, where do I find it, how do I pull it off? Ugh, too much time and money for something so silly. Amy, I am totally looking forward to your party, don't take it personally.
Mainly, I hate knowing the holidays are "just around the corner". Corporate America thinks the start of fall is a great time to load up the shelves with Christmas decorations and wrapping paper. I have a long and bitter relationship with the holidays. I hope they go as quick as they come.
So there you have a balanced list of things I love and hate about this wonderful season. It's the yin and the yang, if you will. What do you hate about fall? Do you hate that the names of seasons aren't capitalized? Yeah, me too.

Catching up

I have a few things I want to say, I'm behind on the blogging:
1. Congrats to the Kalamakis family on the birth of beautiful Payton Andrew! I wish you guys the very best and send you lots of love!
2. Congrats to Cynthia and Will on their engagement. What a surprise! I can't wait for the planning and the big day. We're dying to find out where the wedding will be, make a decision immediately!
3. I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccault. Wow was I pissed off after I read the last chapter. Man, talk about a stupid ending. I feel robbed; I spent all this time reading the book only to be slapped in the face in the end. Hated it. hated, hated, hated it.
4. I am eating a Cup Noodles (I thought there was an O in there but apparently not). It's really good. It reminds me of cheap lunches in the student center at LW. Good times. As a side note, it is impossible to gracefully eat noodle soup; it is also impossible to gracefully walk downhill. These are two things I am sure of.
5. I am not so sure what's wrong with my furry friend Lola. After a trip to the emergency vet (cue cash register ringing sound), we think she might have a disease called Addison's. We don't know for sure yet but it's really very sad and expensive. The disease is treatable but it's hard to see our little buddy so sick. I am wondering if I should have kids; some things are really hard to handle.

You, M.D.

I feel awful. I've had a cough for a couple of weeks but today is the apex of my discomfort so far.
The cough has worsened, I can only take short breaths (I can't take a big deep breath without coughing), my chest feels congested and heavy and I have a little bit of pain like heartburn.
Before I go and do something erratic like go to the doctor I'd like you to take a stab at my diagnosis. Please also include your recommended treatment.

Random + Unexpected = Fantastic

This morning my very grumpy, ornery 50-something coworker called me into his cubicle. I thought, "oh great, I made another mistake and I'm screwed." Turns out he just wanted me to listen to his favorite song. I was thoroughly expecting Steely Dan, Chicago or Hall and Oates but I got in there and he was dancing and pumping his fist to some new Pink song. He even sang a lyric out loud. It was "I want to fight" or something like that. Hilarious!

Confessions of a hoarder

The battle against junk is the never ending story at my place. I can’t say, “never ending story” without singing it like the theme song of the movie. How bad did you want to be the princess when you were a kid? Yeah, me too. Did you hang a necklace on your head and get teary eyed over your impending doom? No? Oh, nevermind. Moving on…
On Saturday morning we donated a load of crap to the Goodwill. After that we went to my parent’s house for lunch and they were cleaning the garage. A few hours later we left with more junk than we gave away that morning.
Here’s the breakdown, did we lose or did we score?

Gave away:
6 blue wine glasses left in old apartment by crazy ex-roommate
1 annoyingly short scarf
2 Helly Hansen jackets in good condition but embroidered with a large philanthropic logo and never worn
1 homemade cave girl Halloween costume
1 coffee percolator without its cord
1 ancient Pyrex dish sans lid
1 terra cotta dish of unspecified purpose
2 bedding sets

Took home:
1 red fuzzy OSU Sooner’s golf club cover (disclaimer: I’m from OK)
1 black shelf
1 German rotating Christmas ornament thing w/ candles
2 boxes of Lake City Rotary 1999 golf balls
1 portable tool set
1 All Clad slow cooker
1 Polo fleece jacket
1 shoe box of old pictures from Jr High and HS
1 pistachio tin full of old notes from HS (funny stuff, BTW)
1 shoe box of old craft supplies

Now, before you vote that we totally scored I have to let you know that the All Clad slow cooker was ours to begin with. I let my parents borrow it a couple of weeks ago and just took it back. I think we scored but Dan thinks I’m a crazy hoarder. What do you think?

Happy Birthday Stacie

I'll call you, I promise.

And I would never name my daughter Bristol or Willow either

As I methodically search for a job I often come accross really appealing jobs for which I am not qualified. These jobs pay a lot better than my current one and require a lot more experience than I have.
So, I don't apply. Just sayin'...

Vegas in 1000 words

Vegas in 10 words

Ditch Fridays

Vodka

Michael Phelps, missed connection

Beautiful bachelorette Marissa

The Koivus

I figured sooner or later somebody would throw me a bone and send me pictures of Amy and Taylor's wedding. Click here to check them out.
See? It was fabulous.

"You stay classy San Diego"

Our weekend getaway was fantastic. It didn't start off that well though. We flew down on the dirtiest plane ever. I didn't want to touch anything. As if that wasn't bad enough, the guy sitting next to me was picking his chin hairs and, not kidding, sticking them to the window. He did this the entire flight. I was so appalled. It took awhile to shake it off and get over it. 

We got in early and spent the day walking around the Gaslamp District. The next day we went out to Coronado to check out the big hotel there. It was very nice.

The wedding was last night and it was amazing. It was one of those weddings where you're just amazed at the scale and expense of it all. The theme was almost exactly the same as ours. Trisha had enormous centerpieces with lemons and limes in them and the favors were lemon drops. I kept saying it was the same as our wedding but way better. Dan said it was our wedding plus $75,000.00 and I think that's an accurate assessment. 

I hate to tell you about this awesome wedding and not post any pictures. I had every intention of taking tons of pics but I just didn't follow through. I'll see if they have a website or something and post the link. 

Next weekend I'm off to Vegas to celebrate Marissa the bride-to-be. I'll make more of an effort to take pics, promise.

Let the wedding season...begin?

The wedding season usually starts in May or June. This year, as Stevie Wonder aptly put it there were, “no wedding Saturdays within the month of June.” Our wedding season started last weekend.

Amy and Taylor’s wedding was beautiful. Of course I drank too much and sent myself to bed around 11. Typical. I also managed to take 1 blurry picture of the bride and groom and 2 pictures of myself looking fat in the dress. So, you won’t get to see Amy’s stunning dress, amazing bird cage veil, fabulous orange flowers and gorgeous bridesmaids. You also won’t see the splendor that is Alderbrook on a perfectly sunny day. Sorry.

There were plenty of shenanigans. There is a large bouquet of flowers on my kitchen counter right now. They were given to me as an, “I’m sorry you had to clean up my puke, tackle me as I tried to run away wearing only boxers and stay up with me all night to make sure I was breathing.” bouquet. Apology accepted.

This weekend we’re off to San Diego for Bryce and Tisha’s wedding. Dan and Bryce went to school together at USC. Dan is looking forward to seeing his friends from school and I’m looking forward to a nice weekend in the sun.

In a couple more weeks we’ll yodel all the way to Leavenworth, everyone’s favorite fake Bavarian village, for a family friend’s wedding. In October we’ll attend our friends Marissa and Ali’s wedding at Newcastle.

As most of you prepare to settle in for fall and winter we’re just getting started with gifts, cards, dresses, cuff links, RSVPs, toasts and dancing.

After the wedding season ends we’ll be headed straight for baby mania. But that’s a post for another day.

Retractions

I have a few corrections to make.

1. My sincerest apologies go out to the scientists and workers that put rounded metal poles into Green Lake in the early '80s. I did not intend to offend them by calling them creepy weirdos and claiming they are the "stuff of which urban legends are made." One piece of advice though, next time you insert anything into a lake that nature can gradually form into a weapon, go back and check a few years later. Do it for the kids.

2. I did indeed look fat in the dress I bought for Amy and Taylor's wedding. The print doesn't lend itself to flattering photographs. I will not post any pictures of myself in this dress. Trust. It didn't look good.

3. I do not consider any of my friends Suzy McFluzy (promiscuous yet lovable). If you think I was referring to you please note that all characters in that post are mere fiction and solely the creation of the author. Any resemblance to an actual person, living or deceased, is purely coincidence.

Rainiohead

There is one band for which I'll gladly stand in the rain to see. Radiohead did not disappoint last night. The played an amazing set. I was completely mesmerized during the entire show. I would tell you all about it but this article sums it up well. I'm bad at writing music reviews so I'll leave it to the pros. Check out the pictures so you can see Thom Yorke wearing some sweet red pants. 

I have to give Dan a huge shout out for not only buying me the tickets but driving me there, buying drinks and dinner and standing in the rain. I've got me one hell of a husband.

I've been waiting for tomorrow for a long time

Tomorrow is the long awaited Radiohead show. I've been in a funk this week, kind of on the verge of crying for a few days. I'm usually not like this but I really hate my job and the shoe world is having its way with me. I'm afraid I'll get to the concert tomorrow and burst into tears at the sight of Thom Yorke and band mates.  It's really a lethal combination, me and my emotions paired with some crazy nonsensical amazing live music. We'll see how it goes. I will try to not totally geek out but I can't promise anything. Reviews to follow...

PS - are you hiring?

Writers, Gather Round

Close your eyes and imagine Tim Gunn saying it, "Designers, gather round." Except it's not Tim Gunn, it's me, and I'm calling you all to gather around me and listen. Listen intently because what I will tell you is paramount to the success and readability of your future blog posts, emails, essays, love notes and manifestos. When you are referring to yourself there is a simple way to decide if you should use me or I. 

If you went to the store with Suzy McFluzy, your promiscuous yet lovable friend, you would say, "Suzy and I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test." If you are posting a picture of yourself and Suzy you would add the caption, "Me and Suzy at Planned Parenthood." 

Here's how you can tell which pronoun to use. Say the sentence to yourself and omit Suzy, she's kind of a skank anyway. Say, "I went to the store to buy wholesome things such as shampoo and nail polish remover." You wouldn't say, "Me went to the store" so you shouldn't say that if Suzy is around either. 

Similarly, if you posted a picture of yourself you would not caption it, "I serving food to the homeless." So if Suzy came to the food kitchen (which I doubt because she's too busy meeting guys she met on Craigslist) you need to use the correct pronoun me if you're talking about the both of you. Get it? Good. 

I don't want to see anymore misused pronouns.

Make it work.

1 year ago today

In no particular order:

1 down, 79 to go

A year ago today I married my BFF Dan. It was an amazing day. Despite the exhaustion from the week leading up to the wedding we managed to have a great time and dance until the DJ said no mas. Our officiant Marta told us we could expect to be married for 80 years with the way people are living so much longer. My sister said we both looked slightly mortified at that moment. I remember laughing and thinking, "good god, is it possible?" Well, I hope so. I would be lucky to be married to Dan for 80 years.
We're celebrating tonight with some vino and tapas at the Woodmark's new wine bar Bin Vivant. Check back in for a review and some wedding pics too.

Listen up

The word height does not have an h on the end. It's pronounced the way it's spelled, with a t sound.

Carry on.

This is a post about fashion

Despite almost 5 years in the fashion industry I know nil about style. My tiny oppressive cubicle borders not only our material department but also PD (product development) where all the six-foot girls in skinny jeans sport designer tank tops every day of the year, travel the world buying shoes and ultimately churn out the designs for the shoes you see at various retailers across the country. I am Ugly Betty. And I don't care. 

It's kind of surprising when I go shopping and find something I think may grant me entry to the fabulous world you stylish people inhabit. I present to you the outfit I bought yesterday to wear to Amy and Taylor's wedding. I had some help thanks to Kristi, Ally, Cyn and Bets. I can't make a decision about what to buy in any circumstance involving fashion so it helps to have good friends to give me honest opinions. 

First, the dress:

Apart from standing up straight, this chick needs to not look fat in the dress, because I don't. 

I have a little bit of the inevitable arm pit fat that sticks out in a strapless dress but I'll do some upper body work on the Wii fit to see if it will go away. I would normally not buy a dress with a big print but this one works to my advantage with the elongating line down the front. 

Next, the bracelet:

It was on sale. 

Finally, the ring: 

I found this little beauty at Forever 21 for $5. Usually I feel an astronaut at the bottom of the ocean when I'm in Forever 21. The name itself mocks me as if to say, you are not 21, not even close sister. We went to the new 2 story FT1 (as I heard a 14 year-old call it) at Southcenter. I walked through the whole thing and even tried some things on. The only thing I came away with was this lovely little ring. I might not wear it to the wedding but it was a fun thing I wanted to show you. 

So there you have it. Feel free to comment and tell me what a great job I did. If you hate it I don't want to know, no reason to feed my insecurities. 

One more thing, I found my soul mate of a purse at Coach. You can buy it for me here. 

Dunns on Films

I am excited to announce that Betsy and Josh have finally gotten their movie review blog up. The Dunners watch every single movie. I'm serious, they've seen every comedy, drama, documentary, mocumentary, horror film and animated movie ever made. They are always talking movies and I have never seen the movie they're talking about. I'm looking forward to reading reviews about what to see and what to skip. I totally trust their taste. They are friends with me, after all.

More chelanigans pictures

Here are some much better pictures the fabulous MOB Rita took.

This is the bride, the lovely bridesmaids, Fabio the sexy little minx, MOB Rita (left) and MOG Marilyn(right).

This is all of the above minus MOG and MOB plus me.

Notice Betsy making googly eyes at Fabio. Love it!

Chelanigans

This weekend we went to Lake Chelan for Amy’s bachelorette party. I was really happy that I didn’t spill the beans and tell her where we were going. I live with my foot in my mouth but managed to keep the secret this time. Amy was adamant that she didn’t want a stripper so we made due with a life-sized cardboard Fabio. He was the guest of honor and didn’t disappoint. There were a few highlights that can be summed up in two quotes,
“rock out with your guac out” (see picture below) and the official quote of the weekend:
“Take your pants off and redeem yourself”

I am a shitty photographer so here are a couple of grainy images. If you took pics this weekend please send them to me so I can put them in the slideshow.

Uncorked, Kirkland's most expensive meat market

I guess I’ve been out of the loop for a while but when did downtown Kirkland become Western Washington’s greasiest meat market? I haven’t seen that many muscle tees, tanned biceps (complete with tribal armband tattoos) and spiky frosted tips since, um, oh the last time I was in Kirkland, right, nevermind.

For $20 we got 10 wine-tasting tokens, a midgie-sized souvenir wine glass and the chance to rub elbows with Kirkland’s most perfumed cougars and frat boys. The organizers of this fine event forgot to mention that most of the tastings would actually set you back 2 or 3 tokens, so by the time we went and purchased additional tokens we had spent about $60 for just a few stringently measured 1 oz. pours. A Saturday night of expensive mediocre wine and dreamy singles running amok was just a little more than I could handle.

The good news: there were a few tasty wines and the weather was fantastic. Overall we enjoyed ourselves, although we went home feeling slightly ripped-off.

As promised here are some pics:

I have a dream

Actually, I have a goal; it's not a dream so much. Every time I do something fun I promise myself I'm going to take pictures and blog about it. I would like this blog to be a nice balance of posts, right now it's just a bunch of my random musings and nonsense/jibber-jabber/shenanigans. I rarely post about the fun things I do and right now, it the middle of summer, there are lots of outings and adventures to show you. So here is my list of events about which to post. I figure if I tell you in advance I'll feel a bit of obligation to follow through. 

1. Kirkland Uncorked Wine Festival - tonight, really looking forward to it.

2. Amy Jane's bachelorette party next weekend in an undisclosed location - fine we're going to Wild Waves, you got it out of me. 

3. Dan's brothers are coming out in August with their families, there will also be a Kiene family reunion in North Bend. After the reunion we'll all head up to Bellingham. It will be the first time we're all together up there, should be fun.

4. Our 1 year anniversary. As of yet we don't have plans but hopefully we'll go out to a nice dinner or something.

5. Radiohead - I hope it's as good as I've made it out to be in my overactive mind. I may cry, we'll see.

6. Amy and Taylor's wedding at Alderbrook.

After all these things happen we'll be peering around the corner to fall. I'm hoping to relive last year's Cave B wine tasting excursion. I would also really like to take Carolina to the pumpkin patch and do all the fun fall things you do when there are little kids in your life. I'll have to talk to Ana, she is not privy to the plans I've made with her daughter, probably should check first, huh?

Ok, I think that's plenty to blog about. Stay tuned....

Looking for a place?

My sis is selling her condo. Check it out here. You should buy it. 

and the most disturbing crime of the year award goes to...

Dear person who put sharpened metal spikes in Green Lake,

Congratulations, you are officially the creepiest weirdo in Seattle. You hold the title for the most malicious and creative way to injure an innocent citizen. I must inquire about your sneaky methods. How did you manage to go unnoticed and put not 1, not 2, but an astounding 50 metal spikes in the lake? Is your handy work performed in the dark of the night? Do you operate on dreary winter days when Green Lake is sparsely visited? I am intrigued and disgusted by your hobby. I am sure the Seattle Police and the Parks Department will find you. When they do, I hope they take you to a dark hole somewhere and stab you with your own weapons. You are the stuff of which urban legends are made, and that’s not a good thing.

Years ago, when I was naïve impressionable teenager, I was told there were tether ball poles in Lake Washington under I-90. When naïve and impressionable teenagers went seeking a thrill in the heat of the summer they would go out to the bridge and hurl themselves to certain impalement. In the core of my young brain I knew this to be false, but I kind of believed it. After hearing of your little escapade to Green Lake I think maybe the tether ball pole myth might be true after all. Either way, I’m not about to go jumping off a bridge or swimming in Green Lake anytime in the near future.

So thanks, creepy weirdo. Thanks for making us all think twice before doing something so simple as swimming in our city’s refreshing waterways. Thanks for making me doubt reason and common sense when I hear a silly urban legend. Thanks for sending chills up and down my spine on the way to work this morning. Run fast, creepy weirdo; hide well, because when they manage to find you I’m sure you’re in some deep shit.

Sincerely,
Me

Happy Birthday Mike!

We hope you have a fabulous day!

What happens in Kenmore...

Dan went to Vegas this weekend and I wasn't invited. I've been plotting ways to stick it to him and here's what I'm gonna do:

1. Beat all his Wii Fit records, especially the ski jump so he'll come home and feel the same as every time I whoop him in bowling.
2. Teach Lola a new trick that she'll only do for me. Suck it Dan.
3. Watch all his Tivo'd shows and erase them. When he's back I'll only tell him about the first half of each episode and say, "I guess you'll just have to catch a rerun".
4. Do my laundry and leave his dirty clothes in the hamper, sucks going into work on Monday smelling bad.
5. Cook up his favorite meal and store no leftovers.

Who am I kidding? That list is just a bunch of thinly veiled chores and pitiful sessions of gluttony and revenge. I will do none of the above. I hope he wins big because at the very least he'll owe me a nice dinner out.

A to Z

Stass McGrass tagged me, this is for all you Little Meah lovers out there, and I know you are abundant:

A- available? Negative, Dan has beat you to it.
B- Best Friend? Yeah, tons, I'm really popular
C- Cake or pie? Both, nom nom nom
D - Drink of choice? Gin and Tonic, Jaeger Red Bull, Water during the week
E - Essential thing used everyday? Lots of things, toothbrush, car, computer, fork, etc, etc...
F- Favorite color? Don't have one
G- Gummi bears or worms? I'm not a fan of gummy candy
H- Hometown? Tulsa, OK and Kirkland, WA
I - indulgence? Starbucks, cheese, Banana Republic Petites
J- January or February? February- I love Valentine's Day
L- Life? Doesn't suck
M- Marriage date? August 11th
N- Number of siblings?One, Ana Beatriz
O- Oranges or Apples? Fuji apples
P- Phobias? Some social situation freak me out
Q - Quote? "You can't polish a turd"
R- Reason to smile? There are tons, where do I start? I recently smiled big time reading a new post about Carolina
S- Season? Summer
T- Tag three (4) people - Ana, Shannon and Bobby, I don't know anybody else that hasn't already been tagged...
U - Unknown fact about me? I was really tall once but I got this crazy bacterial infection and they had to remove the bottom halves of my legs. They got this amazing Swedish plastic surgeon to reattach my feet, you can't even tell.
V- Vegetables you do not like? Cauliflower, ewwww
W- Worst habits? Not calling back
X- X-rays you have had? Teeth
Y- your favorite food? Cheese
Z - Zodiac Sign? Cancer

Stupid Names. A play in 1 act.

Person 1: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have named their daughter. She was born on Saturday and they named her Sunday.
Person 2: So what’s her name?
Person 1: I guess it’s Sunday.
Person 2: No, today is Monday, so what’s the baby’s name?
Person 1: They named her Sunday.
Person 2: Right, I get it, so what did they name her?
Person 1: They gave her the name Sunday.
Person 2: OK, I understand they named her Sunday, but what is her name?
Person 1: I’m telling you; it’s Sunday.
Person 2: No, get a calendar, it’s Monday, what is the baby’s f’ing name?
Person 1: I give up…

Another year...

I had a great birthday this year. Carolina gave me a beautiful bouquet of orange roses. She is only 6 months old but she arranges flowers like a pro. I went over to my parent's house after work and had a rum and Coke with my sis and my mom. It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon. We had a fantastic dinner out on the patio of burgers, corn on the cob, salad, watermelon and a delicious lemon cheesecake torte for dessert. My mom went the super thoughtful route and only wrote on the envelope of my birthday card so that I can reuse it. If you get a birthday card from me with a mismatched envelope you'll know where I got it. I won't tell you what song it plays when you open it. I like to keep at least a small element of surprise. You can kind of see it in the picture. It's the yellow one on the right that says, "Happy Birthday Mariana! Love, Mom and Dad". I think I'm going to give it back to my mom on her birthday later this month. We might start a new tradition where we just give each other the same card over and over. It would be really fitting for my family to do something totally weird like that. We used to have a contest to see who could find the cheesiest Valentine's Day card. It got super ridiculous. I digress...

I also finally got to open my gift from Dan, he bought it a few months ago and told me about it. It wasn't a surprise but it was an awesome gift. He got me Radiohead tickets. He is also going to suffer through the whole show and get stuck in the parking lot for 3 hours after the concert. What a guy! Overall it was a great day. My family and Dan really came through this year. Now we're off to Bellingham to celebrate the 4th.