Snow Day!

I love working from home. By working I mean doing laundry, watching TV, blogging, hanging out with Lola and (most importantly) packing for Mexico. I can't wait to hit the beach and leave all this winter behind for a week. 

On a somewhat related topic; when we bought this place we really liked the nature preserve that borders the property. I had a feeling it might be an awesome sight in the snow. Turns out I was right. 

Damn you humans!

Dan's parents bought Lola a sweater. We've never put clothes on her before so we weren't sure what to expect. I will be sleeping with one eye open from now on. Have you ever seen a death glare quite like this one? Didn't think so...

Recipe Swap 2008

I love Shelby's idea for a recipe swap. I didn't grow up eating green bean casserole but a family friend asked me to make one last year. I found Paula Deen's green beans (you have to say it with a Southern accent) and made a few adjustments, mainly for my picky husband who can spot a bit of mushroom from across the room (and complain like a little girl). Here it is, enjoy.

Paula Deen's Green Beans

Ingredients:

2 cups sliced green beans

1/3 stick butter (obv)

1/2 cup diced onions (I use shallots as well)

1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms (optional for wives with picky husbands)

3 cups chicken broth

1 10 ounce can cream of mushroom (substitute cream of chicken to avoid childish whining)

1 can french fried onions (necessary)

salt & pepper to taste

1 cup grated cheddar (delicious)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 F

Melt the butter in a large skillet. Saute the onions (shallots) and mushrooms in the butter. Boil the green beans in chicken broth for 10 minutes and drain. Add the green beans, mushroom (chicken) soup and salt/pepper to the onion mixture. Stir well. Pour into a greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Bake for 20 minutes, then top the casserole with the cheddar and bake for 10 minutes longer, or until the casserole is hot and cheese is melted. Top with french friend onions. 

Paula says to stir the french fried onions into the mixture before you bake it but I don't like soggy onions so I just put them on top at the very end.

This recipe also calls for her house seasoning but I've found that salt and pepper work just as well, the soup is really salty so you don't need much. 

I usually double the recipe and bake in a big Pyrex. 

Bah Humblog

I've mentioned before that I'm not very fond of Christmas. I don't really hate it, but I certainly don't look forward to it either. I find it all really stressful and fake. I don't want to go on and on about rampant consumerism, greed, my horrible gift wrapping skills, shitty holiday work parties, getting hosed at the annual white elephant exchange or someone who will remain unnamed bitching every year about putting up the tree and then bitching about taking it down. No, I won't go into it. Suffice to say I don't like Christmas because of the crappy music. I blame Mariah Carey...and Starbucks.

So this year we're spending Christmas in Mazatlan and we've enforced a very strict no gift policy. It might be the perfect Christmas. I'll let you know.

Thank You

In the spirit of Thanksgiving here's my favorite poem, enjoy.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-ee cummings

Speedy Wahines Rule!

On Sunday Amy, Betsy and I participated in the Winter Pineapple Classic. It's a 5K with obstacles to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Our team name was the Speedy Wahines. I was super nervous, especially since I didn't even show up to the last 5K in May. There are a variety of reasons why I didn't show to the last race such as shin splints, moving into our condo that same weekend and going to a party the night before that involved a kegerator and the game Rock Band (bad combo). I was determined to at least show up to this one. It turned out to be really fun. I ran about 10 seconds of it and walked the rest of the way. Amy and Bets were really patient and waited for me at each obstacle. I was surprised that I could easily scale the walls. The other obstacles were tires, tubes, hay bales and monkey bars. I couldn't reach the monkey bars so I just ran under them. Afterward there was a luau with a free beer garden and live music. Here's a link to some pictures of the obstacles. As soon as I can move my legs again I'll start training to possibly run the whole thing next year.

Little Lola

Lola went to the groomer today. She's lost so much weight the past few months her ears look huge now that her hair is short. She's a skinny little buddy. I hope she puts on some holiday weight; I know I will.

Before:

After:

Damn you Aniston!

Occasionally, to get a rise out of my friends, I make an incredibly ugly scary face. It makes Betsy scream and everyone else recoil with disgust. It's pretty damn ugly. 

I really wish Jennifer Aniston hadn't ripped off my creepy face on the cover of Vogue. She makes the scary face look, dare I say, pretty. 

Unacceptable. Get your own revolting grimace you thief.

**Author's note: I don't have any pictures of myself making the face except this gem from my wedding. It's not straight on but you get the idea. I like calling myself author, sigh, someday, someday...

This post wins the title of best post written by a 20-something Mexican on Veteran's Day in the city of Bellevue

I find it fantastically annoying the way we count, sort, categorize and keep stats on every little thing that has ever happened. The Guinness Book of World Records used to be an oddity, an interesting catalog of the weird and unlikely. Now, it's just stupid. I don't care how many people dressed up and gathered in a city plaza to dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller. I don't think it's amazing that some kid from Aberdeen can blow up 250 balloons in less than a minute with his right nostril. I also do not care that Mariah Carey is the female artist that has sold the most albums in the pop music category between the years of 1990 and 2008 with butterflies on the cover art according to Billboard. Why do we waste our time finding the "st" (biggest, strongest, smallest, longest, shortest, best, worst, most)?
People, heed my warning.
Re-fucking-lax on the counting. You are all going to become OCD statisticians who crank out volumes of mundane figures and records. Just look at the guys who call baseball games, they're crazytown with numbers and stats. Is that what you want to become? Is it? I didn't think so.

YES WE DID!

It is an amazing day to be an American. 

Halloween and Amy's birthday

Blogger is so slow today. I've just about lost all patience trying to upload pictures from this weekend. What is everybody blogging about today anyway? What's more important than Halloween pics? Honestly...

Happy Birthday Kristi!

Happy Birthday to my first friend in Seattle! Have a great time in Boston!

I need your help

What should I be for Halloween? I only have a few days left to figure it out. Your ideas, suggestions, tips and hints are urgently needed.

These have already been ruled out:
Amy Winehouse
Posh Spice
Anything naughty
Sarah Palin
Banana
Ugly Betty

Another reason to love David Sedaris

I saw this quote on Perezhilton.com today and I couldn't agree more. And yes, I read celebrity gossip blogs. So? 

"I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?" To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters

Mandatory post about fall

It appears that I, along with every other blogger, love fall. I like the smell of the air on a crisp sunny day in October. I love to be surprised and yanked out of the monotony of my daily commute by a tree-lined street that has quickly and gloriously turned into a masterpiece.
I love bite-sized candy especially Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers and Kit-Kats. I love sweaters, comfy coats and scarves. I like Starbucks apple cider with whipped cream and caramel sauce.
This post wouldn't be complete without a list of the things I hate about fall. You didn't think I was going to leave you on such a precious little note, did you?
I hate things that are pumpkin flavored. Who decided to take a gourd and use its contents to flavor things such as pies and lattes? Bad call, person who invented pumpkin flavored things, bad call.
I hate eggnog. This stems from my days as a barista. Eggnog is nearly impossible to steam. The sound of steaming eggnog is almost as bad as the sound of Christmas music (yes, I hate Christmas music. I'll elaborate in a separate post when the time is right). If it gets too hot it turns to scrambled eggs. If you order an extra hot eggnog latte don't be surprised if it comes with a punch in the face.
I hate trying to figure out what to be for Halloween. Dressing up isn't so bad, it's the thought process that precedes the party that I hate. What will I wear, where do I find it, how do I pull it off? Ugh, too much time and money for something so silly. Amy, I am totally looking forward to your party, don't take it personally.
Mainly, I hate knowing the holidays are "just around the corner". Corporate America thinks the start of fall is a great time to load up the shelves with Christmas decorations and wrapping paper. I have a long and bitter relationship with the holidays. I hope they go as quick as they come.
So there you have a balanced list of things I love and hate about this wonderful season. It's the yin and the yang, if you will. What do you hate about fall? Do you hate that the names of seasons aren't capitalized? Yeah, me too.

Catching up

I have a few things I want to say, I'm behind on the blogging:
1. Congrats to the Kalamakis family on the birth of beautiful Payton Andrew! I wish you guys the very best and send you lots of love!
2. Congrats to Cynthia and Will on their engagement. What a surprise! I can't wait for the planning and the big day. We're dying to find out where the wedding will be, make a decision immediately!
3. I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccault. Wow was I pissed off after I read the last chapter. Man, talk about a stupid ending. I feel robbed; I spent all this time reading the book only to be slapped in the face in the end. Hated it. hated, hated, hated it.
4. I am eating a Cup Noodles (I thought there was an O in there but apparently not). It's really good. It reminds me of cheap lunches in the student center at LW. Good times. As a side note, it is impossible to gracefully eat noodle soup; it is also impossible to gracefully walk downhill. These are two things I am sure of.
5. I am not so sure what's wrong with my furry friend Lola. After a trip to the emergency vet (cue cash register ringing sound), we think she might have a disease called Addison's. We don't know for sure yet but it's really very sad and expensive. The disease is treatable but it's hard to see our little buddy so sick. I am wondering if I should have kids; some things are really hard to handle.

You, M.D.

I feel awful. I've had a cough for a couple of weeks but today is the apex of my discomfort so far.
The cough has worsened, I can only take short breaths (I can't take a big deep breath without coughing), my chest feels congested and heavy and I have a little bit of pain like heartburn.
Before I go and do something erratic like go to the doctor I'd like you to take a stab at my diagnosis. Please also include your recommended treatment.

Random + Unexpected = Fantastic

This morning my very grumpy, ornery 50-something coworker called me into his cubicle. I thought, "oh great, I made another mistake and I'm screwed." Turns out he just wanted me to listen to his favorite song. I was thoroughly expecting Steely Dan, Chicago or Hall and Oates but I got in there and he was dancing and pumping his fist to some new Pink song. He even sang a lyric out loud. It was "I want to fight" or something like that. Hilarious!

Confessions of a hoarder

The battle against junk is the never ending story at my place. I can’t say, “never ending story” without singing it like the theme song of the movie. How bad did you want to be the princess when you were a kid? Yeah, me too. Did you hang a necklace on your head and get teary eyed over your impending doom? No? Oh, nevermind. Moving on…
On Saturday morning we donated a load of crap to the Goodwill. After that we went to my parent’s house for lunch and they were cleaning the garage. A few hours later we left with more junk than we gave away that morning.
Here’s the breakdown, did we lose or did we score?

Gave away:
6 blue wine glasses left in old apartment by crazy ex-roommate
1 annoyingly short scarf
2 Helly Hansen jackets in good condition but embroidered with a large philanthropic logo and never worn
1 homemade cave girl Halloween costume
1 coffee percolator without its cord
1 ancient Pyrex dish sans lid
1 terra cotta dish of unspecified purpose
2 bedding sets

Took home:
1 red fuzzy OSU Sooner’s golf club cover (disclaimer: I’m from OK)
1 black shelf
1 German rotating Christmas ornament thing w/ candles
2 boxes of Lake City Rotary 1999 golf balls
1 portable tool set
1 All Clad slow cooker
1 Polo fleece jacket
1 shoe box of old pictures from Jr High and HS
1 pistachio tin full of old notes from HS (funny stuff, BTW)
1 shoe box of old craft supplies

Now, before you vote that we totally scored I have to let you know that the All Clad slow cooker was ours to begin with. I let my parents borrow it a couple of weeks ago and just took it back. I think we scored but Dan thinks I’m a crazy hoarder. What do you think?

Happy Birthday Stacie

I'll call you, I promise.

And I would never name my daughter Bristol or Willow either

As I methodically search for a job I often come accross really appealing jobs for which I am not qualified. These jobs pay a lot better than my current one and require a lot more experience than I have.
So, I don't apply. Just sayin'...

Vegas in 1000 words

Vegas in 10 words

Ditch Fridays

Vodka

Michael Phelps, missed connection

Beautiful bachelorette Marissa

The Koivus

I figured sooner or later somebody would throw me a bone and send me pictures of Amy and Taylor's wedding. Click here to check them out.
See? It was fabulous.

"You stay classy San Diego"

Our weekend getaway was fantastic. It didn't start off that well though. We flew down on the dirtiest plane ever. I didn't want to touch anything. As if that wasn't bad enough, the guy sitting next to me was picking his chin hairs and, not kidding, sticking them to the window. He did this the entire flight. I was so appalled. It took awhile to shake it off and get over it. 

We got in early and spent the day walking around the Gaslamp District. The next day we went out to Coronado to check out the big hotel there. It was very nice.

The wedding was last night and it was amazing. It was one of those weddings where you're just amazed at the scale and expense of it all. The theme was almost exactly the same as ours. Trisha had enormous centerpieces with lemons and limes in them and the favors were lemon drops. I kept saying it was the same as our wedding but way better. Dan said it was our wedding plus $75,000.00 and I think that's an accurate assessment. 

I hate to tell you about this awesome wedding and not post any pictures. I had every intention of taking tons of pics but I just didn't follow through. I'll see if they have a website or something and post the link. 

Next weekend I'm off to Vegas to celebrate Marissa the bride-to-be. I'll make more of an effort to take pics, promise.

Let the wedding season...begin?

The wedding season usually starts in May or June. This year, as Stevie Wonder aptly put it there were, “no wedding Saturdays within the month of June.” Our wedding season started last weekend.

Amy and Taylor’s wedding was beautiful. Of course I drank too much and sent myself to bed around 11. Typical. I also managed to take 1 blurry picture of the bride and groom and 2 pictures of myself looking fat in the dress. So, you won’t get to see Amy’s stunning dress, amazing bird cage veil, fabulous orange flowers and gorgeous bridesmaids. You also won’t see the splendor that is Alderbrook on a perfectly sunny day. Sorry.

There were plenty of shenanigans. There is a large bouquet of flowers on my kitchen counter right now. They were given to me as an, “I’m sorry you had to clean up my puke, tackle me as I tried to run away wearing only boxers and stay up with me all night to make sure I was breathing.” bouquet. Apology accepted.

This weekend we’re off to San Diego for Bryce and Tisha’s wedding. Dan and Bryce went to school together at USC. Dan is looking forward to seeing his friends from school and I’m looking forward to a nice weekend in the sun.

In a couple more weeks we’ll yodel all the way to Leavenworth, everyone’s favorite fake Bavarian village, for a family friend’s wedding. In October we’ll attend our friends Marissa and Ali’s wedding at Newcastle.

As most of you prepare to settle in for fall and winter we’re just getting started with gifts, cards, dresses, cuff links, RSVPs, toasts and dancing.

After the wedding season ends we’ll be headed straight for baby mania. But that’s a post for another day.

Retractions

I have a few corrections to make.

1. My sincerest apologies go out to the scientists and workers that put rounded metal poles into Green Lake in the early '80s. I did not intend to offend them by calling them creepy weirdos and claiming they are the "stuff of which urban legends are made." One piece of advice though, next time you insert anything into a lake that nature can gradually form into a weapon, go back and check a few years later. Do it for the kids.

2. I did indeed look fat in the dress I bought for Amy and Taylor's wedding. The print doesn't lend itself to flattering photographs. I will not post any pictures of myself in this dress. Trust. It didn't look good.

3. I do not consider any of my friends Suzy McFluzy (promiscuous yet lovable). If you think I was referring to you please note that all characters in that post are mere fiction and solely the creation of the author. Any resemblance to an actual person, living or deceased, is purely coincidence.

Rainiohead

There is one band for which I'll gladly stand in the rain to see. Radiohead did not disappoint last night. The played an amazing set. I was completely mesmerized during the entire show. I would tell you all about it but this article sums it up well. I'm bad at writing music reviews so I'll leave it to the pros. Check out the pictures so you can see Thom Yorke wearing some sweet red pants. 

I have to give Dan a huge shout out for not only buying me the tickets but driving me there, buying drinks and dinner and standing in the rain. I've got me one hell of a husband.

I've been waiting for tomorrow for a long time

Tomorrow is the long awaited Radiohead show. I've been in a funk this week, kind of on the verge of crying for a few days. I'm usually not like this but I really hate my job and the shoe world is having its way with me. I'm afraid I'll get to the concert tomorrow and burst into tears at the sight of Thom Yorke and band mates.  It's really a lethal combination, me and my emotions paired with some crazy nonsensical amazing live music. We'll see how it goes. I will try to not totally geek out but I can't promise anything. Reviews to follow...

PS - are you hiring?

Writers, Gather Round

Close your eyes and imagine Tim Gunn saying it, "Designers, gather round." Except it's not Tim Gunn, it's me, and I'm calling you all to gather around me and listen. Listen intently because what I will tell you is paramount to the success and readability of your future blog posts, emails, essays, love notes and manifestos. When you are referring to yourself there is a simple way to decide if you should use me or I. 

If you went to the store with Suzy McFluzy, your promiscuous yet lovable friend, you would say, "Suzy and I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test." If you are posting a picture of yourself and Suzy you would add the caption, "Me and Suzy at Planned Parenthood." 

Here's how you can tell which pronoun to use. Say the sentence to yourself and omit Suzy, she's kind of a skank anyway. Say, "I went to the store to buy wholesome things such as shampoo and nail polish remover." You wouldn't say, "Me went to the store" so you shouldn't say that if Suzy is around either. 

Similarly, if you posted a picture of yourself you would not caption it, "I serving food to the homeless." So if Suzy came to the food kitchen (which I doubt because she's too busy meeting guys she met on Craigslist) you need to use the correct pronoun me if you're talking about the both of you. Get it? Good. 

I don't want to see anymore misused pronouns.

Make it work.

1 year ago today

In no particular order:

1 down, 79 to go

A year ago today I married my BFF Dan. It was an amazing day. Despite the exhaustion from the week leading up to the wedding we managed to have a great time and dance until the DJ said no mas. Our officiant Marta told us we could expect to be married for 80 years with the way people are living so much longer. My sister said we both looked slightly mortified at that moment. I remember laughing and thinking, "good god, is it possible?" Well, I hope so. I would be lucky to be married to Dan for 80 years.
We're celebrating tonight with some vino and tapas at the Woodmark's new wine bar Bin Vivant. Check back in for a review and some wedding pics too.

Listen up

The word height does not have an h on the end. It's pronounced the way it's spelled, with a t sound.

Carry on.

This is a post about fashion

Despite almost 5 years in the fashion industry I know nil about style. My tiny oppressive cubicle borders not only our material department but also PD (product development) where all the six-foot girls in skinny jeans sport designer tank tops every day of the year, travel the world buying shoes and ultimately churn out the designs for the shoes you see at various retailers across the country. I am Ugly Betty. And I don't care. 

It's kind of surprising when I go shopping and find something I think may grant me entry to the fabulous world you stylish people inhabit. I present to you the outfit I bought yesterday to wear to Amy and Taylor's wedding. I had some help thanks to Kristi, Ally, Cyn and Bets. I can't make a decision about what to buy in any circumstance involving fashion so it helps to have good friends to give me honest opinions. 

First, the dress:

Apart from standing up straight, this chick needs to not look fat in the dress, because I don't. 

I have a little bit of the inevitable arm pit fat that sticks out in a strapless dress but I'll do some upper body work on the Wii fit to see if it will go away. I would normally not buy a dress with a big print but this one works to my advantage with the elongating line down the front. 

Next, the bracelet:

It was on sale. 

Finally, the ring: 

I found this little beauty at Forever 21 for $5. Usually I feel an astronaut at the bottom of the ocean when I'm in Forever 21. The name itself mocks me as if to say, you are not 21, not even close sister. We went to the new 2 story FT1 (as I heard a 14 year-old call it) at Southcenter. I walked through the whole thing and even tried some things on. The only thing I came away with was this lovely little ring. I might not wear it to the wedding but it was a fun thing I wanted to show you. 

So there you have it. Feel free to comment and tell me what a great job I did. If you hate it I don't want to know, no reason to feed my insecurities. 

One more thing, I found my soul mate of a purse at Coach. You can buy it for me here. 

Dunns on Films

I am excited to announce that Betsy and Josh have finally gotten their movie review blog up. The Dunners watch every single movie. I'm serious, they've seen every comedy, drama, documentary, mocumentary, horror film and animated movie ever made. They are always talking movies and I have never seen the movie they're talking about. I'm looking forward to reading reviews about what to see and what to skip. I totally trust their taste. They are friends with me, after all.

More chelanigans pictures

Here are some much better pictures the fabulous MOB Rita took.

This is the bride, the lovely bridesmaids, Fabio the sexy little minx, MOB Rita (left) and MOG Marilyn(right).

This is all of the above minus MOG and MOB plus me.

Notice Betsy making googly eyes at Fabio. Love it!

Chelanigans

This weekend we went to Lake Chelan for Amy’s bachelorette party. I was really happy that I didn’t spill the beans and tell her where we were going. I live with my foot in my mouth but managed to keep the secret this time. Amy was adamant that she didn’t want a stripper so we made due with a life-sized cardboard Fabio. He was the guest of honor and didn’t disappoint. There were a few highlights that can be summed up in two quotes,
“rock out with your guac out” (see picture below) and the official quote of the weekend:
“Take your pants off and redeem yourself”

I am a shitty photographer so here are a couple of grainy images. If you took pics this weekend please send them to me so I can put them in the slideshow.

Uncorked, Kirkland's most expensive meat market

I guess I’ve been out of the loop for a while but when did downtown Kirkland become Western Washington’s greasiest meat market? I haven’t seen that many muscle tees, tanned biceps (complete with tribal armband tattoos) and spiky frosted tips since, um, oh the last time I was in Kirkland, right, nevermind.

For $20 we got 10 wine-tasting tokens, a midgie-sized souvenir wine glass and the chance to rub elbows with Kirkland’s most perfumed cougars and frat boys. The organizers of this fine event forgot to mention that most of the tastings would actually set you back 2 or 3 tokens, so by the time we went and purchased additional tokens we had spent about $60 for just a few stringently measured 1 oz. pours. A Saturday night of expensive mediocre wine and dreamy singles running amok was just a little more than I could handle.

The good news: there were a few tasty wines and the weather was fantastic. Overall we enjoyed ourselves, although we went home feeling slightly ripped-off.

As promised here are some pics:

I have a dream

Actually, I have a goal; it's not a dream so much. Every time I do something fun I promise myself I'm going to take pictures and blog about it. I would like this blog to be a nice balance of posts, right now it's just a bunch of my random musings and nonsense/jibber-jabber/shenanigans. I rarely post about the fun things I do and right now, it the middle of summer, there are lots of outings and adventures to show you. So here is my list of events about which to post. I figure if I tell you in advance I'll feel a bit of obligation to follow through. 

1. Kirkland Uncorked Wine Festival - tonight, really looking forward to it.

2. Amy Jane's bachelorette party next weekend in an undisclosed location - fine we're going to Wild Waves, you got it out of me. 

3. Dan's brothers are coming out in August with their families, there will also be a Kiene family reunion in North Bend. After the reunion we'll all head up to Bellingham. It will be the first time we're all together up there, should be fun.

4. Our 1 year anniversary. As of yet we don't have plans but hopefully we'll go out to a nice dinner or something.

5. Radiohead - I hope it's as good as I've made it out to be in my overactive mind. I may cry, we'll see.

6. Amy and Taylor's wedding at Alderbrook.

After all these things happen we'll be peering around the corner to fall. I'm hoping to relive last year's Cave B wine tasting excursion. I would also really like to take Carolina to the pumpkin patch and do all the fun fall things you do when there are little kids in your life. I'll have to talk to Ana, she is not privy to the plans I've made with her daughter, probably should check first, huh?

Ok, I think that's plenty to blog about. Stay tuned....

Looking for a place?

My sis is selling her condo. Check it out here. You should buy it. 

and the most disturbing crime of the year award goes to...

Dear person who put sharpened metal spikes in Green Lake,

Congratulations, you are officially the creepiest weirdo in Seattle. You hold the title for the most malicious and creative way to injure an innocent citizen. I must inquire about your sneaky methods. How did you manage to go unnoticed and put not 1, not 2, but an astounding 50 metal spikes in the lake? Is your handy work performed in the dark of the night? Do you operate on dreary winter days when Green Lake is sparsely visited? I am intrigued and disgusted by your hobby. I am sure the Seattle Police and the Parks Department will find you. When they do, I hope they take you to a dark hole somewhere and stab you with your own weapons. You are the stuff of which urban legends are made, and that’s not a good thing.

Years ago, when I was naïve impressionable teenager, I was told there were tether ball poles in Lake Washington under I-90. When naïve and impressionable teenagers went seeking a thrill in the heat of the summer they would go out to the bridge and hurl themselves to certain impalement. In the core of my young brain I knew this to be false, but I kind of believed it. After hearing of your little escapade to Green Lake I think maybe the tether ball pole myth might be true after all. Either way, I’m not about to go jumping off a bridge or swimming in Green Lake anytime in the near future.

So thanks, creepy weirdo. Thanks for making us all think twice before doing something so simple as swimming in our city’s refreshing waterways. Thanks for making me doubt reason and common sense when I hear a silly urban legend. Thanks for sending chills up and down my spine on the way to work this morning. Run fast, creepy weirdo; hide well, because when they manage to find you I’m sure you’re in some deep shit.

Sincerely,
Me

Happy Birthday Mike!

We hope you have a fabulous day!

What happens in Kenmore...

Dan went to Vegas this weekend and I wasn't invited. I've been plotting ways to stick it to him and here's what I'm gonna do:

1. Beat all his Wii Fit records, especially the ski jump so he'll come home and feel the same as every time I whoop him in bowling.
2. Teach Lola a new trick that she'll only do for me. Suck it Dan.
3. Watch all his Tivo'd shows and erase them. When he's back I'll only tell him about the first half of each episode and say, "I guess you'll just have to catch a rerun".
4. Do my laundry and leave his dirty clothes in the hamper, sucks going into work on Monday smelling bad.
5. Cook up his favorite meal and store no leftovers.

Who am I kidding? That list is just a bunch of thinly veiled chores and pitiful sessions of gluttony and revenge. I will do none of the above. I hope he wins big because at the very least he'll owe me a nice dinner out.

A to Z

Stass McGrass tagged me, this is for all you Little Meah lovers out there, and I know you are abundant:

A- available? Negative, Dan has beat you to it.
B- Best Friend? Yeah, tons, I'm really popular
C- Cake or pie? Both, nom nom nom
D - Drink of choice? Gin and Tonic, Jaeger Red Bull, Water during the week
E - Essential thing used everyday? Lots of things, toothbrush, car, computer, fork, etc, etc...
F- Favorite color? Don't have one
G- Gummi bears or worms? I'm not a fan of gummy candy
H- Hometown? Tulsa, OK and Kirkland, WA
I - indulgence? Starbucks, cheese, Banana Republic Petites
J- January or February? February- I love Valentine's Day
L- Life? Doesn't suck
M- Marriage date? August 11th
N- Number of siblings?One, Ana Beatriz
O- Oranges or Apples? Fuji apples
P- Phobias? Some social situation freak me out
Q - Quote? "You can't polish a turd"
R- Reason to smile? There are tons, where do I start? I recently smiled big time reading a new post about Carolina
S- Season? Summer
T- Tag three (4) people - Ana, Shannon and Bobby, I don't know anybody else that hasn't already been tagged...
U - Unknown fact about me? I was really tall once but I got this crazy bacterial infection and they had to remove the bottom halves of my legs. They got this amazing Swedish plastic surgeon to reattach my feet, you can't even tell.
V- Vegetables you do not like? Cauliflower, ewwww
W- Worst habits? Not calling back
X- X-rays you have had? Teeth
Y- your favorite food? Cheese
Z - Zodiac Sign? Cancer

Stupid Names. A play in 1 act.

Person 1: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have named their daughter. She was born on Saturday and they named her Sunday.
Person 2: So what’s her name?
Person 1: I guess it’s Sunday.
Person 2: No, today is Monday, so what’s the baby’s name?
Person 1: They named her Sunday.
Person 2: Right, I get it, so what did they name her?
Person 1: They gave her the name Sunday.
Person 2: OK, I understand they named her Sunday, but what is her name?
Person 1: I’m telling you; it’s Sunday.
Person 2: No, get a calendar, it’s Monday, what is the baby’s f’ing name?
Person 1: I give up…

Another year...

I had a great birthday this year. Carolina gave me a beautiful bouquet of orange roses. She is only 6 months old but she arranges flowers like a pro. I went over to my parent's house after work and had a rum and Coke with my sis and my mom. It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon. We had a fantastic dinner out on the patio of burgers, corn on the cob, salad, watermelon and a delicious lemon cheesecake torte for dessert. My mom went the super thoughtful route and only wrote on the envelope of my birthday card so that I can reuse it. If you get a birthday card from me with a mismatched envelope you'll know where I got it. I won't tell you what song it plays when you open it. I like to keep at least a small element of surprise. You can kind of see it in the picture. It's the yellow one on the right that says, "Happy Birthday Mariana! Love, Mom and Dad". I think I'm going to give it back to my mom on her birthday later this month. We might start a new tradition where we just give each other the same card over and over. It would be really fitting for my family to do something totally weird like that. We used to have a contest to see who could find the cheesiest Valentine's Day card. It got super ridiculous. I digress...

I also finally got to open my gift from Dan, he bought it a few months ago and told me about it. It wasn't a surprise but it was an awesome gift. He got me Radiohead tickets. He is also going to suffer through the whole show and get stuck in the parking lot for 3 hours after the concert. What a guy! Overall it was a great day. My family and Dan really came through this year. Now we're off to Bellingham to celebrate the 4th.

My secret weapon

No, I'm not talking about my legs that bend this way and that to Guns N' Roses songs, I'm referring to this little wonder we call the Mexican Miracle Medicine. Any event involving rich food or drinking must be preceded by the consumption of two of these little white pills. Dan and I have really weak stomachs and this medicine helps tremendously. It's called Onoton. If you're ever in Mexico and have foolishly eaten at a roadside stand or consumed water from the tap you should go to the drugstore immediately and buy it. I've been lead to think they don't sell it in the US because it contains some kind of opiates. Dan's brother, who is a doctor, says certain opiates are banned for medicinal use in our country. I don't know if it's true but I like the thought of smuggling opiates, even if it's in a small and insignificant way. I have packed plenty for this weekend and I'm ready to consume camping's finest cuisine to my heart's content. Gracias Mexico, I owe you one amigo.

Indianola the prequel

Before the monkeyshines last Saturday there was a brief time we were all acting like civilized adults. Here are the pictures to prove it:

Aren't they a cute couple? Thanks to the Koivu family for all the awesome food, drinks and good company. I can't wait for the wedding.

Busy summer weekends = busy dancing feet

Last weekend we went to Amy and Taylor's couples shower in Indianola. Taylor's parents have a beautiful house and they were nice enough to let us stay the night. After a few glasses of sangria, some beer and a couple greyhounds I was dancing like a retard. I don't remember doing the robot but I do remember doing the Axl which is my impersonation of Axl Rose bending his legs this way and that. Usually I pretend I'm singing into a mic, and usually I'm piss drunk when I do it. It was all good until about 5am when I woke up feeling like this:

Whenever I drink too much this is what I see in the mirror the next morning, and yes, it smells as bad as it looks. The ferry ride home was less than pleasant. Luckily Dan and I just needed some Gatorade and a nap, no IV's required. 

This weekend we are headed to my favorite place in Eastern Washington, Alta Lake. I am not planning on dancing the Axl, but you never know...

SPOGG

I like to scrutinize grammar, specifically the abominations in my coworkers’ emails. I’ve gotten such ear-steam inducing phrases in my inbox as, “your killing me”. I wanted to write back, “you're killing me”. I’ve also seen phrases come through like, “the self’s are full”. Seriously, where did you learn English? You all know I can’t handle, “please advice”. There’s also the rampant disregard for punctuation. I can tell you’re excited with just one exclamation point; you don’t need to use seven and make yourself look like an 8-year-old in line to see the Jonas Brothers.

Today is a good day in my book because I have been introduced to SPOGG, The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. The founder of this gem of a society needs to hightail it to my office and give my coworkers a whoopin’.

Here’s the mandatory disclaimer that you will see spelling and grammatical mistakes in my blog. I’m not perfect and I really don’t think I’m the queen of grammar (maybe just the princess, or the court jester). Anyway, I’m not trying to get all grammar elitist on you. I just think there are glaringly obvious imperfections in my coworkers’ emails and they should at least take a cursory glance at their compositions before hitting send. That’s all. Moving on…

My birthday is coming up and one of those SPOGG mugs would look mighty fine on my desk. Just sayin’.

Staring contest, place your bets

Meh

There hasn't been much going on lately. Lola turned 4 on June 4th. Dan bought her a cake and a big stuffed monkey that makes an incredible grunting noise when you squeeze his belly. We call him Mr. Monkey, original, I know. He gets along great with Lola's other friends, Duck and Paper Towel Roll. He's wearing a stupid hat and his eyes are crossed, so he fits in great at our place.

I've been battling skull searing boredom at work lately. I don't think I can do one more crossword puzzle. My cubicle walls are closing in on me. I think it's time for an intervention. Let's get together, I'll pretend I don't know about it, and you'll fix a pitcher of margaritas and tell me I need a new job. Deal? Sweet. I'm free most weekends in July.

I took my car in for an oil change and now they're replacing my transmission. Does that seem weird to you? My car is only 2 years old. Now I'm driving Chaplin VW's loaner I have nicknamed the pukeymobile because it smells wretched. I drive with the window open most of the time and wash my hands immediately when I arrive at my destination. It doesn't have a sunroof or seat heaters and all the radio pre-sets are programmed to 100.7 The Wolf. I think this car is the portal to hell. My cubicle comes a close second. I think my cubicle is Satan's plan B in case the car doesn't whisk me away to hell as it's supposed to. Clever Satan, very clever.

Is the sun ever going to come out? Well? Is it?

And finally, TFI go F yourself. Maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.

Easy Preppy

I went over to my parent's house last night and discovered Carolina has turned into quite the prepster. She even had her collar turned up, how ivy league. She gave me the look that says, "I came here in my Mercedes and I'm smarter than you. By the way, this ribbon in my hair was really expensive, pass the caviar"

It's like high school vocab

Have you ever felt the urge to enhance your vocabulary and donate rice to starving people at the same time? No? Well then you will probably hate this website. Don’t go there if you’re not interested in the glorious compilations of letters that make up our beautiful language. Don’t go there if you hate starving people, or rice. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

No doubt this is a clever title

I love Gwen Stefani. I think she's very creative (understatement and paging Captain Obvious). One thing though, I loathe the name of her clothing/accessories line L.A.M.B. This is an acronym for 4 of her favorite words: love, angel, music and baby. It's just so twee, so excruciatingly precious; it makes me want to throw up cotton candy into my glittered pink toilet that plays lullabies when you flush it. In every other aspect I think she's awesome. I don't even mind that she named her son Kingston. I kind of like it, and I have issues with names, big issues. So, I propose a switch-up. She should call her brand B.L.A.M or B.A.L.M, except B.A.L.M. includes the phrase "baby angel" which stirs up all that cotton candy in the pits of my stomach. 

If I had a brand that was named an acronym with 4 of my favorite words it would be called S.H.I.T.: shenanigans, hullabaloo, itsy and totalitarianism. I would sell guns, or sparkly flip-flops, not sure. It would be good until my "fans" demanded a switch-up and I would have to go by H.I.T.S and sell baseballs and single tapes from the '90's, or T.I.S.H, but then I would go out of business. Remember what I said about names?

So my advice to Gwen is to stay away from the beautiful sparkly unicorns and sweet baby sheep. It's not a good place to go. 

Pizza and the suburbs

Am I the only woman in America that doesn't want to see the Sex and the City movie? Going with a group of friends sounds like fun but I look forward to the friends and not so much the movie. I feel like I'm supposed to be excited, like it's my duty to drool over this movie and count the minutes until its release. The truth is, I've never been a fan of Sex and the City. I find it a TV version of the magazines that tell me, page by page, that I'm a fat, short, unmotivated, bland, pimpled troll who needs prettier toe nail polish and a boyfriend with a six pack who wants to put things in my butt. I'm not down for a night on the town in a pink tutu, killer blister-creating stilettos and 8 rounds of pomegranate pineapple sake cucumber cosmotinis. This will surprise nobody because you all know that's not my thing. Let's get together and order a pizza, drink some wine or beer and catch up. After you see the movie call me and tell me which one of them dies, I am kind of curious about that.

"Made in China" needs to matter

I work in the footwear industry and most of our shoes are made in China. We don’t currently have a factory base in Chengdu, where the earthquake struck on May 12th but a quick Google search revealed there are about 2000 shoe factories in that area, along with factories and plants that crank out your cars, apparel, furniture, house wares and even your food. I know there is some level of apathy regarding the economic juggernaut that China has become. We tend to view these industries with complacent disregard because it’s easier for us to just go buy that cheap shirt/dresser/rug/drill/cereal/flip-flop/car and not have to think of its origins. The truth is there is a very human side to these industries. I work with a lot of Chinese people, we communicate via email every day and occasionally over the phone. They work hard, really hard. I’m not going into much depth to explain these people’s work habits to you. What you need to understand is how much they impact your lives and how much they need your help right now.

I won’t post pictures of the destruction, of the collapsed school buildings or the wailing mothers grieving next to their children’s bodies. What I am going to do is ask you to think about the items that are surrounding you right now. Your shoes were made in China; I’m pretty sure about that. Some of your clothes were made there as well. Most of the things on your desk are from China. The chair you’re sitting in: made in China. Your keyboard? Chinese in origin. Your phone, pen, stapler, water bottle, scissors, tape dispenser, purse, mouse pad, bulletin board, filing cabinet, carpet, etc…all made in China.

So let’s get to the point here. Please donate money to help the people who supply you with your “stuff” every day. You can donate here. You can also search online for any organization that can help the victims of the earthquake and make a donation. I’m not partial to one charity over another; I just think these people work very hard to supply us with the things on which we depend. The least we can do is help them in a time of need.

26 reasons I'm a nerd

I love letters. I know it sounds weird but I’m fascinated by each varied member of the wonderful English alphabet. I sound like an overly enthusiastic teacher spewing cockamamie phrases like “math is fun” and other absurdities but I can’t help it. Maybe I should’ve been a teacher. Nonsense, I despise children (except yours, your child is wonderful). Anyway, to me, each letter has a personality and interacts with the other letters. For instance, T belongs in front of S but somehow got shafted and now has to be after S and S is always boasting and pushing T around. T is male, and S is female. So S is really full of herself and T is too nice to say anything and lets S treat him poorly. It’s tragic really, the constant struggle between the two.
A, B, C and D are a Greek system of sorts and band together against the other letters. In the alphabet world these 4 are the “popular crowd” and make fun of the less socially accepted letters like the weirdo Q and O the fat guy. M and W are dating. It’s cute. Nobody ever expected these two to hook up, they’re total opposites.
Y is elusive, a bit of a recluse. X sits in the back of class and doesn’t raise his hand very much.
Before you label me a complete geek think of your own little oddities. Maybe you relate more to numbers, maybe you can’t go up a set of stairs without counting them, perhaps you pretend you host a cooking show while you prepare dinner or maybe you talk to yourself in the car or in the shower. I think we all have ways to occupy our minds during the downtime. What’s something you do that I might think is weird?

Good news of the day

I just got an email that our wedding invitation made it into a design book, very cool!
Whitney and Jonathan Speir at Brown Sugar Design did such a great job reading my mind. They were also unflinchingly patient with my indecisiveness as well as my mother. The invitations, place cards and table numbers were one of my favorite things about the wedding. Some other great things were the tequila bar, my shoes and marrying Dan, of course.
Click here to see some more details about the book and the many beautiful creations from Brown Sugar Design.

The "Battle" of Puebla

I’ll tell you the truth about this little “holiday” you’re all celebrating. In 1862 the French came to a small town called Puebla in central Mexico ready to fight. The textbooks will tell you the Mexicans cleaned up, kicked butt, regulated, whooped ass and other such victorious sayings. This was especially significant to the Mexicans because they were the underdogs, far outnumbered by those wily Frenchmen. In reality it was just a battle of the moustaches. Who had the best facial hair? The French with their up-curled, escargot stained wisps or the Mexicans with their straight wiry mops? Obviously you are drinking Corona and Tequila today because the Mexicans’ moustaches reigned supreme. The French took one look at the rag-tag group of Mexicans ready to strike; they sized up the glorious array of menacing mouth brows and ran like hell yelling “sacrebleu” and some other stuff in French.
It’s not common for somebody to tell you what really happened that day. Tecate, Corona and every Mexican restaurant in town are hoping you and your wallet will show up and celebrate the outcome of a viciously fought battle. I’m sorry to disappoint you but I hope you enjoy your tacos tonight knowing the truth. You’re welcome

I LOVE these

If you love sweet and salty you'll love these sea salt caramels from Fran's. I also just saw that Hagen Dazs has cloned the idea into an ice cream. Holy cellulite am I in for a treat or what?!

This side up

We're moving next weekend. My sister says when you die and go to hell you just move from one place to another. I totally buy it. I think there's probably a time in hell when you're in Hallmark trying to pick a card but you have to pee really really bad. Wait, is that just my nightmare? Oh, never mind.


Anyhoo, I made this sign to tape onto the boxes containing breakables:

What do you think? Effective, no? I think it gets the point across. Plus I won't have to write on the box with a Sharpie. There's something about a fine point Sharpie that just doesn't work on a big cardboard box and I'm not about to go buy a big fat smelly marker just for one move. Do you think I've thought about this too much? I wonder if I can just print my sign onto sticker paper. But wait, what's cheaper, a big marker or a package of sticker paper? Oh no, I've thought myself into a dilemma.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of my blog

I told you I was going to post about how I bend it like Bikram in hot yoga. I desperately want to claim I thought of the phrase bend it like Bikram, but I didn't. I read it on the internets somewhere. Anyway, it would be a lie because I don't quite bend it. I sort of stretch and reach it and suffer through it and often just give up and lay down during it. What I love about hot yoga is that even when you've exhausted yourself and have to lay down during class you're still burning tons of calories. Where else can you work out like that? I challenge you to think of a place where you simply lie down on your back and get a work out. Actually, no, don't tell me. I don't need to know about your naughty business. The point is hot yoga, although torturous and miserable, is a fantastic way to work out. It's the best detox too. However, there are a few things it's not good for, such as people with fantastic sense of smell (me), people who don't want to hear other people fart (me), people who are grossed out easily - especially when it comes to other people's sweat and emissions (me) and people who generally prefer laying in a vegetative state watching reruns of The Hills to exercise (again, me). So I'll be honest, these things keep me from going sometimes. I get scared I'm going to have to work out next to Stinky McFartsalot, Missy Idon'twashmymat or Bikeshorts McGee. I'm not a fan of these people. What I am a fan of though is feeling great and hot yoga really makes you feel good (afterward). So if you've never done it, give it a try. If you have, leave me a comment and tell me some things you love and some things you hate about it. I'll bet we're not so different me and you.

Stass McGrass

Stacie told me the other day she reads my blog daily and thoroughly enjoys it. I was really happy to hear that. I didn't really expect people to tune in very often, let alone daily. Suffice to say Stacie is my biggest fan. As a thank you to my loyal friend I'm going to tell you a few things I love about her. If you leave comments and read my blog a lot maybe I'll post something nice about you too.

1. Stacie's nickname is Stass. Some people call her Stace but I reject this. Everybody named Stacie is called Stace at some point in their lives, right? How many Stacie's do you know that go by Stass? That's right, one. And this is one of the reasons I love her, a kick ass nickname.

2. When Stass was a kid she had a pet squirrel that scratched her back while she fed him peanuts over her shoulder. The best part, the squirrel's name was Snidely Whiplash. I don't even need to elaborate here.

3. Somebody with a pet squirrel named Snidely Whiplash could only be the offspring of a race car driver and a sky diver. Coolness abounds.

4. Stacie is the only person that would laugh if I ask her "what handouts?". See? If you're not Stacie, you're not laughing.

5. Our junior year of high school Stacie convinced me to go up to some girl and tell her I was going to kick her ass. This was completely asinine of course because I could not (and cannot) kick anybody's ass seeing as how I am 4'11'' and can't even open a bottle of Gatorade. Regardless, with the confidence of Stacie having my back I walked up to this girl and told her I was going to "regulate" and some other silly things. A few years later Stacie and I ran into this girl at Time Out and had a good laugh.

I know you all have your own crazy ass stories about Stacie. Feel free to comment.

Wii Fitness? yes please

Let me preface this post by telling you how good I am at Wii bowling. My best is a 243, pretty good, right? I rarely bowl under 200 and my Mii looks hella good. I always* beat Dan by bringing what I like to call "the fury". Beware "the fury" if you ever bowl against me on Wii; real bowling, not so much. I bowl better than Obama though, and probably Hilary too. Anyway, now you know my secret power and how much I enjoy the Wii. So Wii is coming out with a new game/system thing called Wii Fitness. The article I read online today says it facilitates such activities as yoga and push ups. That's a random ass combination but I'll go with it, must be a zany Japanese thing. They are always coming up with all sorts of wacky stuff like Pokemon and sushi. So I am somewhat interested in obtaining this Wii Fitness and trying it out for myself. I hope it contains more features than yoga and push ups though, maybe a little kickboxing or Pilates would be good. I guess wii'll see (queue after-joke drum sequence). Dan if you're reading this don't forget my birthday is July 1st. love you.
*always=usually

Home, sweet, whatever...

Dan and I have been looking for a house the past few months. We have been really adamant that we want a flat fenced yard, 2 car garage and a good location (preferably Kirkland). So naturally we bought a condo in Kenmore. There's this little obstacle we've been facing called money. The obstacle is that we don't have much and people selling their houses want a lot. So we found a nice condo complex that has been "remodeled" or "converted" or whatever you want to call it, and put in an offer. It's been a few weeks and we've now officially bargained our meager, yet surprisingly valuable souls to the devil, started dealing drugs on holidays and weekends and signed a contract to name our first born Wells Fargo Remax Ross; but the condo is ours. Hooray. Perhaps in a few years we can afford furniture. Until then, little Wells Fargo will have to sleep in the bathtub.

Tag, I'm it

Shelby my friend who can't wink has tagged me and apparently I'm "it". So as "it" I am supposed to follow these simple rules:

1) you link back to the person who tagged you.

Ok, here is the link to Shelby's blog that I heart very much.

2) post these rules on your blog.

Done

3) share six unimportant things about yourself.

See below

4) tag six random people at the end of your entry.

Oh no, I don't know 6 people who blog, ok, I'll see what I can do.

5) let the tagged people know by leaving a comment on their blogs

Working on it....

Here are my six random facts:

1.) One of my dreams is to see Radiohead live. They are coming to town on August 20th and I am so bummed it's a Wednesday night. Also, I don't have any friends that heart Radiohead as much as I do. I'm debating going by myself big nerd style.

2.) I can't watch people kiss or brush their teeth on TV. It grosses me out big time.

3.) I have a coworker whose hair is the exact same shape as Darth Vader's helmet. It used to be funny but now it just makes me mad. She is the coworker addressed in my first entry. I despise her helmet hair and her son Luke.

4.) I really need a tan.

5.) Dan has been trying to get me to ski and play golf for a couple of years now. I have tried but I really suck at both.

6.) I bend it like Bikram in hot yoga. I'll probably post about it soon.

I am searching for someone to tag, I'll get back to you...

Project Fear Moment of Survivor Spaces

I have this idea for a new reality show. You get all the reality show hosts together and pit them against each other in challenges. So you would have Allison Sweeney the host of The Biggest Loser, Hiede Klum host of Project Runway, Paige Davis the wacky shaggy haired monster in my recurring nightmare and host of Trading Spaces, Jeff Probst graduate of Bellevue High and host of Survivor, Joe Rogan of Fear Factor, Mark Whalberg from such gems as The Bachelor and probably the worst reality show ever - Moment of Truth and the list goes on and on.
Obviously Joe Rogan would win every event except the smarmy yet charming grimace/smile combo throw down which would clearly go to Jeff Probst. The speed painting challenge may go to Paige Davis but I'll bet Rogan is a whiz with a paint roller. The only thing Allison Sweeney would win is the how to pretend you're sad that you just sent a fat person home contest. The participants would be voted off by their fellow contestants in a grandiose tribal torch bearing, flower giving, spider eating ceremony and the person who gets kicked off is told the most jarring send-off in reality show history: You are out and you are not the biggest loser but you are the weakest link goodbye and the tribe has spoken and said you're a liar and by the way you're fired see you later decorator p.s. you can't have this rose.
What do you think? You would watch it, right?

picture pages, picture pages, time to do your picture pages...

I have been reading your blogs lately and I've noticed you all have lots of great pictures. I have very few pictures and that's kind of bumming me out. So I've decided to post some pictures and break up the monotony of those damn boring ass words I love to post so much. Here you go:

This is my dog Lola. For awhile we thought she might be a Schnoodle (half Schnauzer - half Poodle) but now we're pretty sure she's pure Schnauzer. A few weeks ago they switched her at the groomers and gave Dan back the wrong dog. He actually left with Luna, the identical Mini Schnauzer. It was a mess. Lola loves to chew dirty socks. Her new favorite hobby is stealing the socks off my niece Carolina's feet. This is Carolina:

I am in love with her. Notice that she is in my mother's arms. My mom has not put her down since the minute she was born. For real, she has been holding her for 3 months and 2 days. We are expecting to surgically separate them on Carolina's 18th birthday. Carolina throws up a lot. I am told that most babies throw up a lot but I'm not inclined to believe it. If I did I would never have children of my own. So let's pretend Carolina is some kind of vomiting freak child and most kids don't actually reveal the contents of their stomachs until they are 14 and drink an entire Strawberry Fields Boones and three Busch Ices and throw up all over their friend's parent's carpet in which case I don't have to deal with it. Humor me.

I don't have a clever transition into the next picture so here it is:

This is our bungalow in Bora Bora. We went there for our honeymoon and it was freakin amazing. If you ever get the chance I would highly recommend going there. Be aware that a drink costs $25 at any hotel. Don't fret, you can go to the grocery store and get Tahiti Drink, possibly the best liquid concoction ever devised by man. It's fruit punch and alcohol mixed in a handy carton. You must know the fruit punch is fresh juice from Bora Bora's vast array of tropical fruits. The alcohol, um, I'm not so sure what exactly the alcohol is, but trust me, it is delicious. Flights leave from LA daily, don't try to finagle any upgrades because you're on your honeymoon. So is everybody else.

That concludes my picture post. I hope you enjoyed the break between the bothersome text.